This feeling
This sensation
The recognition
But
The disremembrance of this
What is this?
We are all the same here
I believe we are
Maybe not on the outside
But
We all share the same interests
But, who is the odd one out?
All of us?
One of us?
It all feels too familiar
Like a deja vu
Maybe it’s because I can’t remember
But
The sensation
The recognition
The wave of emotions take over
Mind completely blank
My only escape taken from me
The other one out of reach
This familiarity
If only I can remember
Something, other than the pain of a deja […]
Rants
Ten years ago I found my depression, and lost my mind
Nine years ago I found my first razor, and lost my body
Eight year ago I found the pill bottle, and nearly lost my life
Seven years ago everyone found out I was gay
Six years ago I lost my ROTC scholarship
Five years ago I lost my friends
Four years ago I lost my family
Three years ago I lost the national championship
Two years ago I lost my passion
Last year I lost my best friend (and soul mate)
Six months ago I lost motivation
Last week I lost my sanity
Yesterday […]
In this space
My eyes are open
But in reality, they’re closed
There is nothing around me
But darkness
And I sit
Waiting for something
Anything
And it comes
Whatever it was
It was a darkness unwelcoming
It brought about truths, lies, and all things in the dark
I hide
And wish for that darkness
For the night the savior arrives
It visits me every night
Coming like a wave of pure black night
Washing over me
Cleansing
Removing
Ridding the scars the other one left
I swam in an ocean of freedom
The scars gone
A light flashed
Intrigued, I reached towards it
It […]
I want to start off by saying I’ve been coming on this site for 5 years now and reading all your stories and finding comfort in them. I haven’t had the urge to make an account and speak my truth till now. I feel extremely defeated by life. I am 24 and I’m ready to go. I’ve struggled with mental illness for about 13 years now and it progressively gets worse as I get older. I believe it all stemmed when I was 5, I was raped by a family remember repeatedly for 2 years. I was very young but I knew what […]
The mind is transparent
As the memories are transparent
Or is it the other way around?
Like glass
Embedded in the soul
Transparent the mind
To remember
I might’ve remembered
What was transparent
What was embedded
Within
So long ago
My dis-remembrance
Of this
I wonder so
What’s under the bed?
It terrifies me
The very idea
To be near it
To stand near it
To lay near it
The monsters
My very own
Flash before me
The monsters
The creators
The creations
They flash before me
The very idea
To be
Beneath the bed
Again
My lovely bluebird
My cute dove
My beloved
And all your likes
Spread your wings and soar
Soar!
High above the trees
The mountains
Spread your wings
My loves
And soar!
Soar high above the land dwellers
Soar!
Theyll watch in envy as your wings graze the heavens
My beauties
My lovelies
My beloved
Ill watch from below
Far below
From below the land dwellers
Ill watch
As your feathers graze the heavens
Ill use them
Ill thank you
Your feathers replacing mine
Your feathers repairing
My tearing
My weary
My torn
Wings
Hopefully Ill soar
Hopefully well soar
Hopefully
One day
Above the heavens
Me
And my fellow torches
Deep within the caverns
Cold
Unlit
Me
And my fellow torches
At the entrance
Burning bright
My torch
Is it burning bright?
Has it been burning bright?
Forevermore?
My torch
Has it been cold
Unlit
Forevermore?
Did you
Light my torch
To a crisp?
Did you
Drown my torch
Out cold?
Our torches
The rumble
The wave
The earthquake
The tsunami
How am I to get it back?
Through the bottomless sea
Through the fire
Behind the island
Behind the boulder
Deep within the Earth
My torch
Where can it be?
Our torches
Whatever has become of them?
Come
Come hither
Come hither
Come
Come hit
Come hit
Hit me
Like a tidal wave
(Like a tidal wave (tidal wave))
Hesitating?
Hesitating when
Smacked in the face?
By whom?
I havent moved an inch
Are you sane?
Insane?
Im sane
Going insane
Dont look at me like that
You hit
I take
With each and every passing day
I loose another piece
The world should just swallow me whole
Swallow me
Into purgatory
Into the depths of hell
I shouldn’t be allowed anywhere but hell
One moment it’s hell
The second, a marathon
The third, mass homicide
The fourth, peace
The fifth, what […]
Done with me
Sick of me
Whatever led
That vent
To be clogged
There will be no apology
Since the very beginning
My dislike runs deeper than her hatred
My endurance runs longer than her temper
Ive lasted longer
Why are you
Done with me
Sick of me
So soon?
I shouldve been
Sick of you
Done with you
Long before you
Yet
Its the other way around
How do
How do I
Flip this back
Should I flip it back
I dont think
It
Matters
Anymore
I wanted from others what those I trusted could not give me
I want not from others what those I trusted could not give me
I don’t trust them enough
But, hypothetically, if they could give me what I want
I’m afraid, I’m too clingy, I’m too needy
Eventually it’ll be too much
I don’t trust them
yes
smoke them cigs and have the remnants in your lungs
coiling your insides like a snake
until you die
–
you can’t fight what’s already growing inside
you can’t fight what you did to yourself
you can’t fight your instincts
you can’t fight the seed you planted yourself
you can’t undo the cigarette you just smoked
To add on the story of Juliet, he did it Romeo left you because you weren’t perfect, it’s okay but it’s not because you couldn’t live without him so next thing you know you stop writing because you where in the hospital you relapsed and took magic candy’s that can make you go away but people care so you where in the hospital. You are no longer happy with yourself because you without him is like a circus without a clown. But he’s the clown because he hurt you for the 5th time so maybe he’s not the clown but you are for falling a […]
Little cacti, little cacti
Look at you
Absorbing all that water
Won’t you ever wilt?
Little cacti, you remind me of quicksand
Absorbing everything and anything
Even lies
Sometimes I do wonder
What would happen if lava came in contact with quicksand?
Or bombs that might sink in?
Will the sand be reduced to nothing?
Will the bombs ever explode within the sand?
Nothing lasts forever
Do you ever wonder what happens to the things that sink into the sand?
Little cacti, you take the lies and perceive them to be the truth
But one day, the quicksand will grow weary and become tar
Just […]
You can’t just give them one thing and then give me another. When I try to make the same thing you’d yell at me, forbidding me from eating it. I’d understand if you’d just say you were saving it for them, they’re young and whatnot. But I can tell that you just don’t want me to eat like them because I’m still fat and haven’t lost enough weight for you. It makes me upset and I’d rather not eat anything whatsoever but then you’d make yet another dish and invite me for a bite. I’d decline and you’d threaten me saying I might as well […]
Little demon, little demon
Following the children on their left
Following the adults on their left
Whispering their deepest desires
Whispering the worst for others but not for them
Whispering the worst for them. All of them.
Little angel, little angel
Following the children on their right
Following the adults on their right
Whispering the best choice to make
Whispering the best for others, for themselves
My little demon, my little demon
Offering the best for me
On my left
Offering peace of mind
Showing me the monsters of the day and the monsters of the night
Teaching me to embrace the dark
Showing me […]
Don’t tell me it was fate
Don’t say the bird eats the flies
Don’t say the flies will eat the bird when it’s dead
It’s not karma
Giving and receiving in a voluntary manner
Isn’t karma
You won’t find the dead
With a hole in their head
And have them do the same to you
An innocent passerby
So don’t say it was fate
A few months ago, I felt like I had an epiphany of sorts. I felt like I might’ve been the only person that exists and I’m in control because nothing truly bad could happen to me no matter what. But recently, I’m not so sure. If I was the only thing that existed, why do I feel so bad? Why do I feel so pointless? Why isn’t my life good? Why do I want to just end it? Why aren’t I comfortable in my own body? Why do I have to rely on antidepressants to make me feel “normal?” I wish I couldn’t […]
The snake won’t leave
Screaming
Suffocating
You can’t remove what you placed
Muffling your screams
In this ocean
Nothing but bubbles escape your mouth as you suffocate
Don’t forget how all this happened
Don’t ever forget how that snake got there
Coiling around your insides
Your heart
Like a disease
A manmade disease
That you placed yourself
And yet
Like a fool, you keep smoking
And screaming
And suffocating
Arthritis is one hell of a injury. I have had two finger surgeries if anyone has read my posts through out the community. It delivers a shockwave of pain through your nervous system. I have freak injuries. One day I woke up, nothing unusual happened, but when I woke, I was in a tremendous amount of eye pain. I lost bottom muscle of your eye, which is suppose to hold eye in your place but now it sits on top of the bone socket, and hurts like a living hell. I saw two eye doctors, no big specialist, they count diagnose me. I know for […]