Category:

Rants

The Monster Was Never Under the Bed

by LiquidHuman 7/17/2020

written by LiquidHuman

I can’t be fixed. I’ve come to terms with that. I wasn’t broken, I just wasn’t made right. No ones fault. Not mine. Not my family’s. Not even God. If he is still up there. If he ever was.

I’m just here. A misfortune placed on myself and this world simultaneously.

A festering, pulsing tumor in my mother’s womb, which then became a shrieking, writhing imp that my parents forced themselves to love. It’s been two decades since then. How much suffering have I caused in such a meager lifespan? How much suffering will I bring in my wake?

I hurt myself because it makes me feel like […]

7/17/2020 1 comment

Defining Toxicity

by DovaKitten 7/17/2020

written by DovaKitten

Is toxicity transferable? Does it run through the veins of those it poisons, to be then passed on to their children?

Or, is it just a case of toxicity being contagious? One person is patient zero, then it spreads to whom ever they come into contact with?

Or, can the same argument be said for it, as the old nature vs. nurture debate? Is it the environment that surrounds them, or how they were raised?

Or, is it everything and none of it? Bits and pieces of all of us soaked in it, choosing whether or not to let it define us?

Maybe it’s all of them. Who really […]

7/17/2020 4 comments

OD

by sadspock 7/16/2020

written by sadspock

I OD’d on my psychotropic (/psychiatric) pills in 2019. ‘Twas a heavy overdose and my pills were strong and of very high dosages. I was naturally almost sure that I’d wind up dead. But guess what? I woke up in the morning. Not in a good state at all, but I awoke. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t utter a solitary word. Hell, I couldn’t even see things. I was cold. I’ve a long history of mental illnesses – BD (+ Psychosis — Schizoaffective disorder) and various PDs, so my folks figured out that I must’ve once again yanked some suicidal sh_t when I […]

7/16/2020 0 comment

No one sees how kind it is for me

by vangoghest 7/15/2020

written by vangoghest

Dying is the kindest thing I can do for myself. I don’t particularly want to, sometimes I wonder if I really was a terrible person, I should stay alive. It’s brutal, and the perfect punishment. I know I can do things with my life. I don’t think low of myself usually, I just am who I am. I’m pretty resourceful, I can make things work. Which is why I’m thinking about this. I can make it work, this is the kindest thing I can do!

I’ve never met someone with the same life story as me. Someone who’s had so many unrelated horrors happen. It makes […]

7/15/2020 0 comment

My strength is dwindling every day

by diminishedheart44 7/15/2020

written by diminishedheart44

I’ve been feeling especially awful today. I hate my face so much it makes me physically ill. I feel like I’ll soon give up fighting because I don’t know much longer I can go on.

7/15/2020 0 comment

(TW; mention of covid, politic’s bs, murder, sexual abuse) Hi, long time no visit

by mranony 7/11/2020

written by mranony

The world as of now is in chaos.
And my country is being run by crocodiles.
Politicians threatening lab workers to do 2-3 test even though they’re asymptomatic and negative of the virus.
All the while, citizens who has symptoms has been dropping like flies.
People got arrested or gunned down.
Government labeling University students as terrorists for doubting the system.
Influencial people defending and admitting to sexual abuses.
And half a fandom who wants a child dead. Fictional or not. That’s fucked up.

I know what I put down is heavy. I don’t know where else to put down my demise.

I’m just very sad about […]

7/11/2020 1 comment

Today

by Unsheard 7/10/2020

written by Unsheard

Today is my birthday, for some reason i dont feel happy. im not sad but i wanted to cut. i think i just resent being alive

7/10/2020 1 comment

Pre death euphoria

by Shadymoon 7/8/2020

written by Shadymoon

I don’t know what gives. I put the gun to my head and get a rush of peace and euphoria that I want to ride out before I pull the trigger.. Then it stops and I go again, yet there’s that urge to ride that wave of temporary peace… It’s the best feeling. The cold metal against my skin, the weight in my hand, the rush… In the moments near death I feel the most alive… And I’m addicted to it. Knowing with 3 lbs of pressure it could all end. It brings a smile to my face in a way nothing else does.

7/8/2020 2 comments

by confused 7/6/2020

written by confused

Just because I like to be a little dark does not mean you can criticize me and say I should change.

I embrace this side of me wholeheartedly. It doesn’t stop me from being a pure white lily if that’s what I want to be. Me having dark thoughts doesn’t mean I don’t want to be blessed. Or that it’s necessarily fucking evil of me.

7/6/2020 0 comment

“it gets better”-everyone.

by chxice 7/3/2020

written by chxice

when does it get better?
I’ve been waiting for it to get better and I truly do hope things get better for myself and everyone around me, but seriously I’ve been waiting and waiting around for life to get better… so when does it?
when will people stop leaving?
I know people come and go but all these people seem to do is leave… they’re all like tourists. they’ll stay for a week or so, love it, hate it, and then leave it. leave me.
where can I go to be okay?
why does it seem like everywhere I go, it always seems like I’m […]

7/3/2020 0 comment

Out of options

by wklein 7/1/2020

written by wklein

Day by day it is getting worse. And I mean it. I don’t have anywhere to go, escape, relieve. I am all alone in family, crowd and this world. I know this sounds cliche, but it’s the objective truth.

I really do not want to cease my existence, but I have no more options, the pain is unbearable. Bottling it up drives me crazy. I am screaming internally in my heart, no one hears.

I know this is vague but I needed to vent a little bit..

7/1/2020 0 comment

My sister’s birthday

by Lacey D 6/30/2020

written by Lacey D

At my sister’s 11th birthday party, she invited all of her friends to this place where you could bake a cake with fancy equipment. And she is an outgoing person, so there were 15-20 people there along with our extended family.
I had a mental breakdown in the parking lot, just complete and utter depression. When my parents got me to come inside, I locked myself in the bathroom so I wouldn’t embarrass my sister. My mom thought I was trying to kill myself again, so she got the people to unlock it and then wouldn’t let me go back in. So I spent the […]

6/30/2020 1 comment

DOLLHOUSE

by Rosesareblue 6/28/2020

written by Rosesareblue

I hate my family.

I hate living inside this dollhouse of play pretend.

Everyone thinks we are happy, but inside all four walls is a child crying for help.

I am the child and in this dollhouse I’m nothing but a doll. Staying still, witnessing every hatred and anger between a mother and a father.

The dollhouse is burning, but the angry smoke filled my lungs until I suffocate.

The dollhouse is burning, and I don’t have the chance to escape.

The dollhouse, pretty but plastic, is what would kill me in the end.

6/28/2020 1 comment

Ember and Cinder

by Lacey D 6/27/2020

written by Lacey D

I love fostering cats. Mostly kittens. A few months ago, I was taking care of a litter of six with their mom. The mom was great, took care of her kitties, and was super sweet. But she was in a hoarder home (specifically the mom because the kittens weren’t born there). I ended up getting sent to a hospital. But it turns out, the mom had some parasite from before. It killed one of the kittens. My mom in her eternal wisdom decided to wait a week before telling me. Because why would I care if a six week kitten that I’d loved since birth […]

6/27/2020 2 comments

You don’t have to read this, just rambling.

by Lacey D 6/24/2020

written by Lacey D

I wish my family didn’t care about me. That would make it so much easier to end it. Just a lot of wishes and stuff. My mom cares so much and I wish I was someone that deserved her love and attention. I’m only alive for my cat, she has separation anxiety. Thanks for reading.

6/24/2020 0 comment

The tightening spiral

by tightspiral 6/24/2020

written by tightspiral

It’s been 5 years since everything fell apart, that’s when the spiral started and now I finally want to end it. I’ve tried to loosen the spiral, like unscrewing a screw, but it only gets tighter. I’ve been to many different therapies. I’ve tried getting help. But no one listens. It’s as if I’m screaming but no one can hear me. Like I’m behind a glass wall where I can see everyone, but everyone can’t see me. I don’t make friends very easily, and when I do they often leave. My mom and I have a very unstable relationship. I’m alone all the time. I’m […]

6/24/2020 1 comment

My, How You Lie Lie Lie

by LiquidHuman 6/22/2020

written by LiquidHuman

You know what eats away at you after a while?

Having to lie to your family every goddamn day that you’re doing fine. Knowing they want to help you, wanting to be helped and yet not wanting help at the same time. Having to pretend that you’re not thinking of killing yourself. Seeing that you’re family is blissfully unaware of what’s coming. Having to lie to your doctor, your psychologist, your fucking therapist, that you aren’t planning on killing yourself.

Part of you is screaming, “JUST TELL THEM!” Not because you want to, but because you just don’t want to lie anymore. But you keep your mouth […]

6/22/2020 3 comments

Back to the Future

by LiquidHuman 6/21/2020

written by LiquidHuman

This is going to be one of the stranger things I’ve posted.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s thought about what they would do with a time machine. Maybe fix a mistake they made in the past, warn themselves about incoming danger, kill Hitler. Those are all perfectly normal fantasies.

Me, I want to kill myself. Maybe that’s normal here. There are probably a lot of people on here who would go back to a failed suicide attempt to do it right. But that’s not really what I want to do. I want to go back to a very specific time in my life. My […]

6/21/2020 5 comments

suicide – prison break

by wasd 6/20/2020

written by wasd

i am afraid and full of fear.

I’ve always been suicidal it was a matter of solace to me – the knowledge that i can always quit, always can press the off button was comforting and gave me a sense of control (a tiny bit that is) over my life..

lately those thoughts of suicide are far too intense to be of any comfort. i think it started with the COVID outbreak and the surreal, almost unbelievable sense of loneliness and isolation. in the past 2 months i’ve been having a lot of suicidal thoughts that comes from the most trivial and common stress or anxiety, for […]

6/20/2020 18 comments

by namrahellz 6/17/2020

written by namrahellz

You smile and you laugh but it doesn’t make sense. Your duality clashes and you can only reset to default. I’m sorry I was blind

6/17/2020 0 comment

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