People tell me talking about my problems helps the healing process to being. I’m skeptical, but willing to try almost anything to get me to stop thinking these thoughts. Let me begin by telling a little bit about myself. I’m a male, 28, and an independent fundamental baptist. I don’t tell anyone what I’m feeling or thinking; the fact I’m doing this is extremely uncharacteristic of me. I’ve been having these suicidal thoughts for at least a decade (since high school) with on and off degrees of intensity. My most common prayer is that God will kill me during the night, I don’t think he’ll […]
Rants
Mom friend, only a year older than me surprisingly, has helped me more than anyone has in certain ways. Taking me shopping, giving me rides, paying my high school summer classes so I can graduate. I am ungrateful. I really almost fucked up.
I am taking summer classes in order to graduate high school and I almost fucked up. Today was the due date, but technically, I have until Sunday. Damage is done, though. I told her I wouldn’t make it, told her I’d pay her back, then she dropped me. Told me to buy her $200 jeans to make up for it. Then Anthony called […]
I’ve been on this site for a awhile now, but I just created an account and I guess this is where I’ll send my goodbyes to the world…
The past three days I was supposed to commit suicide. It ended up not happening, it almost did last night but my boyfriend ended up just talking to me like usual and I felt guilty for going to leave and have our last conversation be so boring. the two days before that I had set every detail in place, I’ve cleaned my room to the T and printed out all my suicide letters. I finished a lot of […]
Rage is what I’ve been feeling since my dad visited two weeks ago. One month without talking to me or trying to reach out. The hardest month yet. The month I started my antidepressants. The month I constantly called him, remembering that he had promised me to be there for me, even if it was 2:00 am. One night, it was 2:00 am and I was holding all of my medication in my hands. It was painful. There was a war inside my head. Trying to die is mentally painful. I called him 10 times. Voicemail every time.
I was crying, of course. I don’t hold […]
My parents never talked to me and dismissed my problems because they are too perfect for their kid to have flaws I guess. I am a weird kid. I never kissed a girl, never had friends, never had a childhood and I guess I never grew out of it.
A new employee at work is a girl who is the friendliest person I ever met. On her first day she introduced herself to me and she seemed genuinely interested about me and she was smiling. She always smiles. Few days later a coworker told me that she said that I’m smart and nice.
She is my cure […]
For some people, their family is the reason why they don’t commit suicide. For others, it’s the reason why they want to so desperately.
Personally I hate the idea of belonging to a family. I’ve hated it for a long time. Everything was fine when I was a kid but now my mom resents me for not wanting to live with her anymore. She thinks she understands me but she really doesn’t. She doesn’t want to take responsibility for her actions and claims that bringing me into this world was out of her control. She’s a nice person but frankly she deserves what she says she […]
Tired of going over this. I’ve been paying $640 a month on an $1125 rent which split 3 ways (as there are 3 adults living here) would be $375 per person and all utilities are included in rent. Why the fuck should I be paying more than half when I only work part time and struggle and honestly can’t pay my taxes or student loans because of one person’s selfish fucking greed in not wanting to pay their part of only $375 per month???! It adds up to $265 per month I’ve overpaid and $2385 overpayment since I’ve been staying here. I STARVE and go without […]
I decided to look up bands I’m currently listening to tour dates. Placebo is on a 20 year anniversary tour, not promoting a new album but a world tour celebrating its fans so they have hinted to even playing songs that have been retired from their set list for 10 years like Nacncy Boy and Pure Morning. Due to my mothers taste in music and pushing her interest onto me which is the few positives I can look back to and proudly appreciate, I’ve been a fan since the days of owning ‘Without You I’m Nothinh’ on cassette.
After touring Europe they will make their way […]
Tell me…
Am I useful to this world?
I mean, from what I see, i’m useless.
So I’m here to rant about myself.
I’m unaccepted, i was never able to be super comfortable in a group of friends.
I’m troublesome, i’ve always caused my parents a lot of trouble. It’s to the point where i blame myself about my father’s heart attack about one and a half year from now.
I’m an accident, my parents never planned me out. i almost killed my mother when i was born. i’ve been called ‘adopted’ a million of times throughout my short time of living.
I’m mentally suicidal, if that made any sense at all, […]
I’ve been sad for years! It started the summer before my ninth grade year. That summer I realized my parents true colors. I was a daddy’s girl before that summer and that’s what really broke me inside because I put all my trust into my dad. Anyways that day my dad had said some hurtful stuff and I got mad and he tried to make it up by giving me money and I said “money can’t buy love” he gave a crazy look and left the room he came back with a belt and beat […]
WARNING LONG RANT POST INCOMING!!
My parents are currently divorcing, my dad has pretty much abandoned me in favour of his ‘replacement family’ (he cheated basically). I’m not a minor so anybody in their right mind would pack their bags and move out. Though for me there’s several problems that are keeping me from doing so…
I have no money cause my dad took it to pay some bills (he has also made us bankrupt). I have a summer job which should help keep us afloat until I go back to university; but both my uni and workplace are an hour and a half train journey away […]
Fucking up again. Fucking up again. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
So all my life I’ve been abused and isolated. I’ve always been mocked, belittled, verbally and even physically abused my whole life. Every time I leave the house someone has to say something to me, threaten me etc etc. I get it everywhere I go. I come to expect it because I can’t even walk to the nearest shop without being harassed. It’s always been this way. On top of that I’m a loner, never dated, never had a job, mostly housebound because of this constant never ending abuse from people I’ve never met in my life. Apparently I’ m just supposed to keep on […]
My parents make me depressed, that’s why I stay in my room because every time I have a conversation with them, hang out with them, or when they talk to me I want to kill myself afterwards. They don’t do anything mean to me or anything, we don’t even argue much, I can’t ague with them, maybe it because i’m scared of them, or I know I just owe them to much but I can’t argue with them. I guess I feel kinda like I have been locked in a cage around them, I don’t feel comfortable at all and I can’t be myself. I […]
You’re right..
Loving you is killing me. I want to stop, but you know that once you start, it’s gonna be hard to quit.
This applies to everything – good or bad.. Like drugs, smoking, alcohol and love.
God, I wish I had the guts to tell you this but you understand that everything that has to do with me,, is complicated.
I need help… I need to feel something again other than pain and sadness and heavy hearted. I’m falling apart and no one notices anymore because apparently I’ve been become too good at hiding. Ironic really that the only thing I’m good at anymore is hiding how I really feel. 22 years of doing it though, I better be fucking good at SOMETHING.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me… Why can’t I ever enter into a relationship where I’m not used, betrayed, or abused? Why can’t I feel happiness again, but REALLY feel it? I smile at my loved ones, I […]
Why? Why is this happening? Why am I here? If I want here none of this would have happened. Im a mistake. They will forget about me. Its not gonna hurt anyone if I leave. Maybe I should.
I really cant do this anymore. Im done with all of the fake people the fake smiles. Im done with all of the crap that people do. I seriously am done with everything. I want to float away
I was raised by my nina (godmother) since i was five months old. You could say we have a strong bond, she just turned 79 years old this year. And shes starting to have a lot of health issues. She had to be put in a nursing home and shes not eating properly. She can’t keep anything down and it seems like the nurses can only give her something for her stomach if she asks for it. She forgets and doesn’t ask, and she can’t eat and is losing weight. She has suffered from strokes, and currently has parkinson’s disease, and dementia. I love her so […]