I needed to rant so here I am. I have social anxiety and it’s very hard to express myself. Whether it be in public or online. Up until two years ago, I didn’t even know what social anxiety was. When this girl online describe what she went through all her life, I thought to myself. That sounds like me. But my family and sisters call me weird. They don’t even think social anxiety is a real thing. They are very close-minded and like to label people. Plus, they think they are better than everyone. The sister closer in age to me is a spoiled as*h*le, […]
Category:
Rants
Like many users of this site, I have been reading through many of your stories and I guess I finally want to share my story with all of you. I’m 15, gay, and depressed. I know that sounds like a lot of you on this site. This summer I did something that I deeply regret. On this teen dating app, called Distinc.tt, I had sex with 55 year old man. I was scared, and when he came to my house I just sort of let him guide me through it. He tried to pressure me into anal, sticking his fingers up my ass, but I […]
I’m not a real person because I am going crazy inside with my depression that no one can see. I am not a real cutter because I don’t cut every day (most of the time). I’m not a real anorexic because my BMI is technically normal. I don’t fit in completely with the extremely poor because I am no longer homeless. I don’t fit in with the rich because I am far from rich. I don’t belong in my family because I have different tastes in music, books, movies–I haven’t told them my real likes because I’m afraid of rejection: they think the sorts of […]
I’m learning the hard way that everything I say and do is wrong. I’m going to lose friendships I can’t afford to lose if I keep doing it. I have this bad habit of telling everyone stuff about people I shouldn’t say to anyone. Eventually everyone is going to kick the shit out of me, I’ve already been threatened twice and I still can’t learn my lesson.
What a shitty personality I have.
In my family I’m the oldest of my two sisters (we are going to call them:) C and A. C being the first at 17 and A being the second youngest at 15. Me being of the age of 18 you’d think I wouldn’t be compared to my little sister (in this case my sister C)… But I am… A lot! I’m never just “Amanda” I’m just “C’s sister”.
“Oh! You are very shy compared to C.” “Your nothing like C is!” “You don’t look like C or A at all!” “You and C have nothing in comman.” These are just the few I can think […]
So I am the middle child of 3 children …..
Some people would love that but I don’t. It’s absolutely hell!! My parents would always compare me to my older sister or younger brother.
You see my older sister (24) is now a nurse and is married to Matthew . A doctor who is “the perfect guy” as my parents say …… They would always compare me to her by saying “Oh you know when your sister was your age she used to do this… And do that…”
They never give me a break …
Oh and let’s not forget my little brother. It doesn’t make it […]
I SHOUT THESE WORDS TO THOSE WHO
NEVER LISTEN…
I PEN THIS LETTER WITH THE
UTMOST CONVICTION.
IT’S BEEN DARK IN HERE,
COLD AND RELENTLESS.
IT’S BEEN TOO LONG,
CAN NO LONGER FIGHT THIS.
TOO. LATE .TO. CHANGE .MY.
MIND.
NOTHING REMAINS!
I’LL SILENCE THE PAIN.
AS THE YEARS PASSED,
YOU WOULD LEARN MY TRUE
FEELINGS.
YOU CONTINUED TO ACT LIKE
YOU KNEW ME!
DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK
THAT I’D BE ABLE…
TO LOOK IN YOUR EYES, AND SAY THAT I’M
STABLE!?
TOO.LATE.TO.CHANGE.MY.MIND.
NOTHING REMAINS!
I’LL SILENCE THE PAIN.
DONT.TELL.ME.
THAT.I.AM.
TAKING.THE.
EASY.WAY.OUT.
DONT.TELL.ME.
THAT.I.AM.
TAKING.THE.
EASY.WAY.OUT!
NO UNDERLYING MESSAGE TO
FIGURE OUT.
WHAT YOU GET HERE IS WHAT I PUT OUT.
NO UNDERLYING MESSAGE TO
FIGURE OUT.
WHAT YOU GET HERE IS WHAT I PUT OUT!
NO ONE KNEW ONE THING ABOUTME!
JUST […]
There’s so much I want to say. It’s literally stressing me out. I am 15, and I am world weary. I am a zoo animal trapped behind glass, never existing with the world. Always apart. There are people living right now, but I can never exist with them. I have no motivation to do anything anymore. I am a pathological liar. I have misophonia. I am SO insecure. My family used to be homeless, and I feel guilty that we aren’t anymore. I feel like a fake-I suck at being normal; I don’t fit in with the misfits. I think I have mild OCD. My […]
It’s been awhile since I wrote here. I’m so terribly ashamed that I don’t know who to go to. After almost 4 months of been clean, I just had to go do it. I realise that these things don’t disappear. It waits for a single moment of weakness and starts to fester again until it’s strong enough to tear you down.
the suicidal thoughts are back, although the it’s not as prominent as before. I don’t even know when they snuck up. I was so content, perhaps I was too complacent. And now all I can think of is to escape.
I wonder why people choose to […]
First time posting here.
I’ve been, I guess you could say “actively suicidal” in the past. Perhaps not currently. But, on some level, I’m always thinking about it.
I feel tired. old. most of all, worthless.
I’m not who I set out to be. I was reading someone else’s post on here about how it could take just one big thing to fuck up your life forever. and yeah. but, breaking it down, it’s probably not one thing or one event, but a whole series of things over a whole series of years. or you hit so many setbacks, fallen off the proverbial horse so many times, you […]
I just want to be gone. Not the dead gone just yet but the runaway gone. I want to run far far away where no one will remember me and I will lose contact with everyone. I might as well just fake my death. I personally however feel like suicide is a sin for me. I’m sick of this family. It sucks to be a girl because you are disrespected (in this family). Then there are my friends who will never be there for me. Who takes my problem and changes it to theirs so they won’t have to listen to my crap […]
I’m very sensitive about any topic about my grandma. Well, today I was criticized for everything I did. Honestly that’s almost everyday but today was the worst. Anyways, then one of my sibling went with a low blow as to mentioning my grandma. My grandma has been someone who I love so much and the topic of her makes me depressed, good or bad since she passed away. I just want to cry. That was such a fucking low blow as my sibling criticized me by guilt tripping me mentioning that. Now I am here wanting to cry out loud. Goodness it hurts.
It has been super long since I’ve posted anything, but since then my life has been a fucking roller coaster and it’s ridiculous. I can’t even fathom how much I despise everyone. I don’t want to be around any social life and all I want to do is baracade myself in isolation. I honestly hate but have envy for the people that don’t understand. Depression and anxiety isn’t sadness or just stress, it’s a constant feeling of wanting to not be around anymore. Constant feeling like you just want to die. The way your heart beats, the way your mind races. Holding your hands to your […]
I don’t want to live. There is absolutely no point in it. No matter what I do, my parents will never be proud of me. I know that this is a shitty reason. It sounds shitty. It sounds like I’m over-exaggerating. It sounds like I don’t understand.
But the thing is, I do understand. My parents want the best for me, which is more than I should be able to ask for. But, I am a selfish and discontent human being. I want something to go my way. I’m not right. There’s something wrong with me. That’s probably just me trying to get attention. Ahahahahhaha […]
Today is August 15th, the date that I decided for my suicide.
I’m so scared, I don’t want to die. I have so many things I wanted to do. I wanted to read a couple of books and participate in a contest. I have beautiful friends and a reason to live. I got to see my reason to live today and I cried, too many emotions at the same time.
But the bullshit is greater than that, my lack of freedom, my parents that do disgusting things to me, a career I don’t care about, the lack of hope, I can’t anymore.
I don’t know if I’ll be […]
Why? Why do I do this to myself? Why do I keep making myself suffer? Why don’t I have the courage to do it?
This is my life and I can do it if I want to, I’m tired of people saying don’t, I’m sick of them telling me to stop being so damn selfish and to think of others. Like I’m a person too damnit why cant they think of what I’m going through, Why cant they see the pain I see why do they have the strength I don’t have. Where the hell am I supposed to go a damn hospital doesn’t help I […]
So guess what i’m doing ,putting on make up and gonna do my hair ….to go to peoples house and talk normally no biggie except the people I am going to have nothing to do with me . ..my dad said you have a friend there ……NO DAD I FUCKING DON’T….this girl deliberately dose not talk to me this whole family dose not talk to me because of my EX ……..ALSO I ABOUT 85 % SURE THEY ARE SPEADING MORE RUMORS ABOUT ME.
The only reason I am being forced to go out is because the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD THINK BEEN JUST HACKEN AWAY AT MY […]
Im sick of living. Iv never felt loved/happy in my 22 years of life. I cant name anything good about myself fat.ugly.stupid.lazy.drunk and lonely virgin. The first thought i had toady and most days when i wake up is i realy want to cut. Iv been cutting since i was 15 and now im covered in 1000s of very noticeable scars. Im also an binge drinking alcoholic and get pass out drunk at least 5 times a week. The whiskey numbs my depression and anxitey being drunk allows me to cut deeper too.
Since i graduated high school the few friends […]
So today me and my friend were supposed to hang out.. But we didn’t because the time, the place everything was messed up. I got very upset because it seemed like he didn’t care at all.. And I was really hoping to since home sucks (it also seemed like he didn’t want to hang out because we weren’t going to hang out at my house) and I lost a good friend (my Therpaist whom didn’t die! She just moved buildings and I wasn’t able to go with her to continue seeing her)..So I just ignored my friends snaps. It helped to calm me down somewhat. […]
I have been feeling down lately. Probably because I have been feeling like I’ve lived a meaningless life. I feel that I am not doing enough to help my fellow human being. I have chosen my work in order to help people but I feel that I am not doing enough to help my fellow human being. I would like to go on the frontline, in the trenches. I feel like my work would be more meaningful there. Maybe I’m just ranting, and I’m sorry if this bothers anyone, but I feel that this is the only place where I can say it and be […]