I wish she could tell me that I can die id die a million deaths for her that statement would be met quickly with my death then she could go on with her horrible boyfriend and have a family I’d stop hurting and annoying people my thoughts and actions are unforgivable even if she left him my future with her wouldn’t be good enough I’d hold her back all I ever wanted in my life was the marines to die in battle she changed that but I’m not certified for shit I have no intention going to college I’ll just hold her back she deserves […]
Category:
Stories of Hope
I could commit suicide. I know what it would do to my family. Sometimes that is enough but the probability of future despair and current pain. If I have no hope it will get better, why bother.
but its just so hard….. I suffer from manic depression and existential anxiety. two days ago, I stood by a main road and contemplated jumping in front of a car. my mind told me that I wanted to die, but it also told me that I might die, and I was afraid. my father ran to me and pulled me away. my mom is mainly the reason… she hits me and tells me im worthless. I don’t tell the authorities because every time I try my mom says that she know how to hit me in ways that wont leave a mark and that they […]
I’m 23 with a 5 & a half year old daughter. I met my fiancée when my daughter turned 1 and I fell head over heals in love with him. We moved quickly & he proposed. A year after proposing he finished with me saying he was unhappy etc. For a year after this we met up every week as there was still so much love there. Eventually after a year of secretly being together, we made it official & became a couple again. In this time he had joined the army (something I’ve always supported him with) and he proposed to me again in […]
It’s been about three or four years since I’ve last posted something and in that time I’ve graduated high school, joined the military, got married and subsequently divorced, moved on in my life. I’ve done so many things that I didn’t think I would. So if you think your story ends here, you may be missing out on the best moments that have yet to happen.
This world is boring , boring world . why movies, games, anime/manga, fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
I hate this world .
This world is so boring , boring world !
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, […]
Sorry, guys, this “little story” might be a bit long for you, but maybe you’ll find something interesting.
When my parents separated, I had to move to another school, another house, another city. The changes were drastic. From the gorgeous three-floor plus balcony house we had to the new studio-type apartment barely the size of my old bedroom. From the Dad I knew and (maybe) loved, to this absolute stranger my Mom claimed to love. My problem was at home and I found ways to run away from it.
I made a ton of friends in my new school. I came home late most days, other days, […]
I’m tired of life. Tired of obligations, tired of this world with its rules, its human society. I made a lot of mistakes in my life. And wasted a lot of chances to become successful or to fulfill my dreams. I regret a lot. Yea, if only I could revert time back, while keeping my current memory, lol.
Sure, reverting time would be great. But I don’t really care about all this now. The only things that keep me going these days are my hobbies. And my mom. She did really a lot for me. But I’m tired, I really am.
Almost every night I go to […]
Wondering starting to date again… I like one girl more then the others she is cute and sweet. She is originally from the country that I moved too 6 years ago. But also lived in the east and southern of Europe.
She is 8 years older then me. I don’t mind. I actually quite like it as I would like children and I think she would want them too. I wonder though if it is a wise step.. in the longer run for my happiness if that path were to happen….
we click really well so I do not really for see problems in that […]
We who deal with depression- how far will be go to hurt ourselves? I overeat. I don’t look at myself in the mirror- no idea what my hair is looking like. I don’t brush my teeth. So embarrassed at the doctor’s office when she looked in my mouth. Yuck! But I told her why and it helped to tell even that little bit.
We get upset facing the depression. We want to hurt ourselves in one way or another. Why do we do that?? The pay off is you are expressing your pain? Even the talk (hopefully only talking!) of killing ourselves is part of hurting […]
I have no one. My best friend don’t give a f* about me. I had a fight with his friend and he forced me to apologize with them even though it wasn’t fault so i sacrifice my dignity and apologized to them. We were best friend before i had a fight with his friends , he stops hanging out with me and left me sit alone in the class . I start to have my lunch alone in the school , feeling helpless in the class . I tried to overdoes paracetamol and ended up vomited all of them out and i never going to […]
Feeling alone again, far beyond the feelings of yesterday
Insanity creeping in gently like a swift blowing wind
Looking for ways to lessen the pain without needles in veins
“Stay sane,” Is what I tell the voices in my head.
Little whispers, “Embrace the pain.”
I think, “Cutting again?” no I’ll refrain
There should be a better way, there always is
Maybe a stare back from the mirror, a slight admiration of self
Maybe the girl across the street a little kiss
Maybe an inspiration from the deceased
As the thoughts rang, it came.
Like an answered prayer
A thought, a pen and paper
I wrote it as I felt it I described it like a painter
I felt […]
Tonight is bad. Bad day at work. When my shift ended, I ran out of there on the dot. I can’t stand the job from the company to the day to day work. The managers are okay until they say one thing, then say the opposite. Makes me crazy. So, I was pushed to the edge tonight. I distracted myself with reading. I ate ice cream, cake, cookies, pizza. It felt good for like two minutes. Then nothing. No good feelings. I took the slow spiral dissent into my deep, dark feelings of waning to die. Just wanting this madness to end! Can’t get a […]
Life is boring , boring life. why movies, games, anime/manga, & fantasy/imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
life is boring , boring life. why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Marvel / Marvels, Avengers, X-Men, Divergent / Insurgent , Star Wars, The […]
my past is bad i was sexually abused and beat. My real dad died when i was two of a car wreck.Ive attempted suicide three times in my life and the last time i almost ended it. I still self harm and its how i cope with all the things that i go through.
I have had some rough days and nights. One night I came to my limit! I was worn out, exhausted at dealing with all my depression, anxiety, fears, anger…etc by MYSELF! I called my crisis line and got a guy that when I talk to him, I do not feel comfort. I decide, as he answers, I will tell him I only needed to tell someone how sad I was, how worn out I was and that was all. He goes into a speech trying to give me advice and I tell him, I am not looking for advice, I just want to share that feeling so […]
I stood on the railing in complete darkness. The glow tape on the stage below gave me an idea of the distance I would be falling. It wouldn’t be enough on it’s own, I’d have to dive head first in order to finish the job. The warmth of the upper level of the theater was comforting in what I thought were my final moments. My balance shifted, causing the thin cuts above my knee to reopen, my blood mixing with the nervous sweat I was covered in.
From this vantage point I could see all parts of the stage. I often came to this very spot […]
I am going to tell my life story up to today. There is a point to this, so just bear through all of this. I promise, it may be worth reading. I’ve been familiar with sad things for my whole life. When I was five, my mom kicked my dad out because he was an alcoholic and a drug user; he also treated her very badly. I remember seeing him occasionally after that. I didn’t realize what my dad was into until I was much older, where I grew up watching him drink and abuse his girlfriend. In 2nd grade, a man moved in with […]
I had 4 public speaking engagements in three days, I taught a class and then went to a kick off for a charity walk. No classes this week – spring break. I still have a shitload of homework to do but I am about to leave for Niagara Falls to gamble for a 3 day vacation. I am on the Deans list with honors 4 semesters in a row but I think this class I’m taking is going to drop my GPA. So I joined a couple honor societies while I still have the GPA to be invited to these things. I need something to […]
Last night as I started to go to sleep I felt fear. It was odd because I had spent an hour on the phone with a good friend. I think the contrast of my talk with her and my empty apt and life was too much for me. I finally journaled about it and that helped some. But it was late and I was still awake- again for the umpteen time.
Finally I realized something. I was fighting control. Control of my emotions, control of sleeplessness. Fighting the feeling I am not whole, never will be. And maybe half dozen other active fears. :-< As I […]