I can’t sleep, I just breathe, I am afraid of nights, That’s when they come around, I don’t want them in, I want them to leave, and it hurts like hell, it hurts like hell…
You know what makes me feel better sometimes when I’m feeling down?
Reading a true story about someone who is up shit creek farther than me. Â At least I have a paddle.
Adrift is a great true story about Mr Callahan, who was trapped on a rubber ducky life raft in the ocean for 76 days. Â Here is a link to the eBook download (mods, I believe the author made the book public domain at one time)
Callahan_Steven-Adrift.epub:
http://easyfilesharing.info/file/1550/callahan-steven-adrift.epub
Here is a link to the authors website. Â He worked on the […]
For a very long time, I was in a very committed relationship. That relationship ended back in 2010, and since then, dating experience has been unpleasant… Now 2014, I am still without a girlfriend… but I guess as time progresses, I see myself less and less of wanting/needing to be in a relationship. In about two months, I will be 31, and yet, I no longer see myself as a potential husband, soul mate, or even as a father.
During the four years, I certainly went through a stage of sexual drought. I would be lying if I say I wasn’t feeling desperate at times (I was […]
It must not be a good thing necessarily that I’m cured and yet I’m wanting the thoughts. The dark ones back. I love talking about depression and suicide it was my life only months ago. Somehow I was cured. A sense of pride in myself alien to me fills me with self-confidence. Where the confidence came from would be completing basic training for the military.
I came in hoping that during the shooting range i could pull the trigger on myself and if not then then j would be able to shoot myself during my military career. The thought of having a rifle by my side […]
After 3 days of torture from not sleeping well and to not been eating well, I am feeling like a brand new person.
So last night I called my eldest sister ~Dyanasugar to let my frustrated feeling out cause I missed her dearly. Then she told me to write a small letter to mom if I couldn’t apologize directly. This is what I wrote:
Dear mom,
Since I’ll be leaving soon and we have been talking to each other from the past 2 days.. I wanted to say.. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t water the plants when you told me to and everything that I’ve done so […]
Early in 2013 I had a premonition (or a feeling at the very least) that I would not see another birthday. Â That was even before I was diagnosed with a potentially fatal illness. Â I was 45 years old, newly single again and saw little hope of finding happiness in the future. Â My diagnosis in July was, in my mind, the universe’s way of saying I was right (sometimes predicting your own future really sucks). Â But then my birthday came and went and I hadn’t died the way I thought I would so I recalculated my fate. I wouldn’t see another new year. Â 2013 would be […]
I went to the bridge again today. There were blockades and signs up instructing people to not venture up to it because of ice. At least I guess that’s what it said, because naturally I stopped reading as soon as I read the first word and proceeded to go up to the bridge anyways. Close a bridge? What? For my “safety”? o_O I go to this bridge an unhealthy amount of times every week and do the same thing every time. I figure I’ll jump off one of these nights.
This time was particularly nice because for the first hour I was there I was able […]
Don’t give up!!!!!
How will this little pain you feel compare to ETERNITY?
Hey guys.. My name’s Dynna and I am a gamer girl ever since I’m 10.
My dad is fine with this fact and he understands me as my personality is very similar to his. He knows I’m crazy for drawing and playing video games and tried to give space for my activity as long as I helped with chores. My mother, however, does not. She doesn’t understand me. She always thought that a lady have to be proper lady. I hate expansive blouses. I hate dresses and I hate handbags. They’re a handful for me.
Today, I was playing a shooting game called Freefall Tournament with my […]
JUST DONT KNOW Y IAM HERE IF IAM THE PURPOSE > NOT SURE Y THIS DONT END BECUS IM SICK OF BEING A CONTARD TO EVERAE AND NOAE…………
I wish I could tell how I feel, I wish I could let someone in. I’m on the mix of loneliness and illness, I miss talking to the person I used to know. And I’m not gonna lie, it could be hide inside, but a part of me still wants you. The other part is telling me to let you at “platonic loveâ€. Cause I know you and I will never be. It’s hard and it’s wasting me. I’m slowly losing this fight. The fight against myself. Eventually I will give up, as my mind sometimes does. If you look deep inside you maybe you’ll […]
I wonder why Before I met him, I would dance in the shower. When he was in my life, I would think about showering with him. After he left, I would sit on the ground in the shower and cry. When I got over him, I showered so quickly there was no time for dancing, fantasies or tears. Someone can invade the smallest part of your life, you won’t even realise it, until you dance in the shower again, and wonder why you ever stopped.
I’m not even depressed right now but I don’t know what happen and what I’m going to do with my life which makes me want to kill myself. My major in college turns out have nothing to do with my passion that I found out later but I can’t  just drop out or my family will be furious. I’m stuck with my life I hate. I want to chase my dreams even it means I need to start over and leave everything behind, have a minimum wage job (as long as I still can pay my bills, eat, having a roof above my head and […]
You say you do. You say you understand. You say things like, “oh, I know exactly how you feel,” and, “I’m always here for you, I’ll never leave.” …but then there comes the time when you know you’re truly alone and that’s typically when you need them the most…and then they say, “well why can’t you just get over it?” and, “do you like being this way or something?”
…
Well, what they can’t seem to understand is that in some cases you don’t want to change or get better, and in other cases, you simply just can’t…
…
Sometimes even managing to open your eyes in the moment […]
It’s crazy how the most simplest thing like a few extra pounds can make someone want to die. How a model in a picture can make a difference in someone’s life so dramatically that they want to be like them or die trying. It’s crazy how people will scar themselves because they hate their body so much they want to hurt it because it won’t go away. Becoming so obsessed where you can’t even go more than 5 minutes before you’re wondering about what your stomach looks like in this outfit, wondering if people are laughing at you. Hating yourself because you ate something fattening. […]
i always feel like its just me against the world. Ive always been the kindof person with a sort of protective bubble or shield around me that no one can penetrate i kno my little bubble isnt ideal n wont help me feel any less lonely but it keeps me safe it makes me feel like i can handle things it gives me the confidence to be able to do things and kno that i will withstand the pressures of others. I also focus almost exclusively on myself making sure that when all is said n done that i achieve what i set out to […]
Let me start of by saying this. Shit really sucks. I know all of you think that getting out is the best way to go. I’m not doing this to change your mind. I’m doing this to make a point. Maybee it will help some of you and maybee it won’t. Who knows. If you have the time. You can keep reading.
I was 11 years old. It was the last day of the 5th grade for me. I had gone home with my bestfriend that day. (She only lived a block away from me.) We were so Excited school was out, and we had the […]
Well, I’ll try to keep it short. According to what I planned, I should have died the past October 22th. However, despite having overcome guilt and pain, I just could not make myself to do it. I was shocked. I planned it well in advance and I had no remorse whatsoever.
After my failure I was deeply disappointed with myself. I thought I had no option but to wait for a natural disaster, a traffic collision, a civil war or an illness to kill me. I was also very embarrassed for not having the guts required to catch the bus.
However, today I realized what was my […]
This post is not about how the military handles depression, or how a soldier does. This is not a cry for help. This is a brief story about me.
Im the son of a teen runaway and a murderer. Ive never met my father and likely never will. My mother did her best for me, but life has always been against us both. I first tried to take my own life when I was only 11. After that, attempts became a yearly thing. Life just carried on no matter how much I didnt want it to. Then, I met someone. She was loving, caring, beautiful, and […]