For those who have passed on.
I feel so much anger and frustration I feel like I have tried everything to help myself but nothing has worked so I Â don’t even want to try anymore I feel like a failure and I’m fed up after so many failures ….. I don’t feel like living
I don’t know why I feel this way. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m tired of feeling down and depressed all the time, and constantly feeling unloved. I have a story just like everybody else, but what’s the point of telling it? Everybody has their own problems, why should I complain about mine? I just wish I stayed dead…I’ll still never understand why I came back. I just don’t know what to do anymore…but death sounds better and better every day. I’m just broken beyond repair.
A long time ago there was a girl.
She was happy and care free.
Then she woke up.
The children got meaner,
Her parents’ “constructive criticisim” got harder and harder.
His hand got higher and higher.
The secrets grew deeper and deeper.
She began to lose her smile.
Her laugh
Her voice.
She walks now. A prisoner in her own mind.
She’s nothing but a shell.
So long now its been, she cant even remember what its like to be happy.
She did everything to feel anything.
She became what her father always knew she would.
She clung to the razor to remind herself she’s alive.
She drank so she wouldn’t remember the night.
She took the drugs to numb the pain […]
stop look stop look frees do nothing
look at the body of the dying girl
look at the struggling form
of the girl who your friend did love your friend and he loved her in return
look at the horror on her dying face
look at the mistake she made
to end her life on the end of a rope that swung her this self same day
she knew this as she died
she tryd she tryd she tryd
to take the noose from her neck and end all the liys
you stood ther for a second or too
your feet thay coud not move
you know thows 2 seconds nothing coud make you move
so to this day you […]
Well, as you see: I’m back. In my last post I wrote that I had to take a break and I did. After that break of more than 2 weeks, I’m back again. But I have to say that I may not be very active at SP, because I’m feeling really worse. The last two weeks were kinda horrible. There happened too much to explain, it would be boring if I would tell it all (actually, this is a kind of excuse, because I can’t remember it ^^). My life nowadays is really though, I’m feeling like a huge mistake, worthless piece of trash. Feeling […]
This is a rut that I can’t find my way out of I really don’t look forward to the future and memories of my past are tainted with my way of thinking I look back at times in the sixth grade and think why didn’t I take the time to love myself  instead of ignoring the feelings and telling myself  why can’t I take taunting from other kids because it’s truth because it’s the truth and now I hate myself  and I have so much anger and I don’t know how many times I’ve wished I could go back in time and change things I […]
I am tired of feeling so depressed. Im tired of dealing with everyone who hates me. im tired of not feeling pain besides the pain in my heart. im tired of being alone. im tried of dealing with every day. im tired of my life being meaningless. im tired of seeing everyone who wants me dead. so I’m going to finally do it. i am going to do what all those people have been waiting for. Tonight i finally have the courage to end all of it…. Please someone help me. Save me. Im weak. I need help.
Everyone deserves a second chance right? You’re wrong. I have never gotten a second chance or even a first chance. So why does it even matter? It doesn’t. Does it? I’m just not cut out for this world. I’m really not. I… don’t belong. No one really understands me, but no one knows my story as well as me though. I need to find my place in this world. I feel like i have to be somewhere else. I have no clue why I even post on this website no one really reads my boring trash. I’m a stranger in this world trying, searching, breathing. Just looking […]
I’m almost done with my application but I have so much pent up that I need to release before I can focus on writing it.
I went back to school this week and I had so much anxiety when I came back and after not being in school for so long I realize that school caused so much of my problems. I went back  to school and felt so bad about myself and I really dislike the feeling but the truth is I don’t truly love myself I’m not bullied like I used to be  because I moved  but the negativity that I felt towards myself […]
Two summers ago my dad died by an accident. Since then I’ve been fearing everything. I’m afraid of losing my friends and my other family members, I fear that they die too, that they got hurted, that they fall in depression, that they do harm to theirselves… I cry very often just thinking about what should I do that nothing bad would ever happen even I know that it’s something I can’t help. The fear drives me crazy and it disturbs my daily life.
I feel so selfish and stupid all the time. I feel like I don’t deserve to be around these amazing friends. […]
I haven’t posted in a while and frankly I’ve hit new lows. I read a post on here a while ago that said you cannot contain your cutting to just one part of your body, it will spread. I didn’t believe this at all. I thought I could just cut the fuck out of my left arm forever. Well now it’s everywhere on my body. Stomach, arms, thighs. Everywhere. And I love it.
Me an my boyfriend broke up (again) because he said he couldn’t handle my problems.
My best friend has to be home-schooled because her mom hates me. I haven’t seen her in weeks now and […]
I don’t know how to tell if a guy likes me. (Pathetic, I suppose). I know that I probably don’t deserve to be on here. This is for people who are having problems. I’ll admit, I have problems. I do want to cut again. I want to cry. I can’t let myself have happiness. Wow. I had it for a day! A whole day. Actually, no, it stopped. Maybe 6 hours, I had that happiness. I guess that’s cool. I mean, what am I? I’m a monster. I don’t deserve to live. Everything is my fault. I could have stopped everything that’s happened in my […]
I’m not ugly, I’m not pretty. I’m just me. Depressed, lonely, boring me. I have a story, my story, to tell. I don’t believe in other people committing suicide, but i feel I should. I have so many reasons against me. I have had help, asked for it, it was given but nothing works. I’m still me here waiting, watching, wanting to die, but something keeps me from actually doing it. I want to so badly I cry because I cant even do that. Some days I eat everything, some days I don’t eat at all. I fail at school and suck at life. A ll I really want it to be […]
I’m so angry right now and fed up I really don’t know what to do and I’m tired of brushing off my feelings and burying them away inside like they’re nothing. I’ve really tried to overcome my depression but nothing has helped and I’m starting to question myself because having depression has really messed with how I look myself before this illness and I’m tired of hearing things like “this will pass” and other things like that because if that were true  then I wouldn’t be here right now and I’m tired and I just want to feel what I’m feeling and not cover it […]
I’m tired of  the cycle, of making plans that get me no where and right now I just hate that I’m at the lowest point of depression I can’t even seem to get out of it. I’m so tired of everything
Im just tired…Tired of living…tired of being a failure. I don’t know what to do anymore. I really don’t. I feel like im drowning in a black pool…I just want to end it…end all the pain and misery im feeling. They label me…They don’t know…they just assume…They’re not with me while im in my room…crying…hating myself…slicing up my wrists… The person they see has been gone for a while…They can’t see it but im dying inside…It hurts really bad. Im getting tired…of everything…Everywhere i turn theres critics…messing me up…criticising me for what i lack…happiness…fun…whatever that stuff use to mean anyway…im not happy…i just feel….dead….walking down […]
~Broken~
When will you learn?
That I am not always going to be there
For you to vent you’re anger on,
That I am not a toy to you,
And you will push me to the brink
I will hurt, over and over,
Cutting deeper and deeper
Until everything in me is ruined,
Until I have hurt so much it isn’t possible to hurt any more.
When will you try?
To help me
To stop hurting me
To make me feel like I was supposed to be born
To help me not be afraid
Of you,
Of trusting you,
Of loving you,
’cause I can’t survive the destroying of my heart
I won’t always be able to pick up the pieces,
To mold them […]
I can’t get myself out, Â I mean it’s not like I enjoy being here but I feel too far gone I mean I don’t even know if it’s worth it for me to come out of my depression anymore because it’s not like I’ll be any better maybe that’s my depression talking because all my memories are tainted everything is tainted.. I just want to be better
I look in the mirror, I say, loser, freak, fa&&ot, piece of $h¿t.  I say, you SUCK!  YOU’RE NOTHING!
Every time. every…. time….
Sometimes I can say things that are nicer, kind of over top, or after. Â But I can’t not hear the hurtful words.
People said these things all through junior high and high school.  One was even a Policeman’s son.  Nobody did anything Not even when I was hospitalized twice for trying to kill myself. I’d just say I was fine, and nobody batted an eyelash to it.
It gets worse from there…. long story short, I’m in my thirties now, Â I still hear their words…but it’s […]
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