It’s so hard to just function when my mind is consumed by how completely I’ve fucked up my life. Let alone do anything to be productive or improve my situation. I waste half the day wrestling with twisted fantasies, grasping for some kind of real foundation on which to base my life. Most of the rest is given over to sadness and regret. Why do my work, when I’m a worthless, unlovable, unbearably neurotic arsehole? Why do what’s necessary to prolong life, when my life will never be worth living? It’s like trying to drag an impossibly heavy weight behind you.
I want to be someone […]
I’m the reason why I’m the way I am. A mess, unable to properly convey myself to the people who truly give a shit about me.
I’m the problem. I’ve known that since 2016.
I hate the thing I currently am. I’m no person. I’m some ugly machine. A defective one. How do I even tell anyone these things?
I over relied on someone. They’re far away and with someone else now. We’re still friends but when she’s not well, she withdraws from everyone, and I hate that I can’t speak with her. I think I’m trying too hard to keep up […]
I was in a Chinese takeaway last night carefully checking everything I ordered was in the bag, its all fun and games until you get home and and an item is missing, one has no choice but to check the bag there and then on the counter. Whilst I was meticulously checking the bag item by item a verbal bust -up emanated from the kitchen. ” Fuck you” said a voice from the kitchen, ” No, fuck you” said another voice from the kitchen. The kitchen door swung open and a delivery driver stormed out with what I deduced was the owner in hot pursuit. […]
sloopy / what bad self harm looked like before treatment
she’s doing much better now
I love her so much
I don’t get why she waits for me. She calls me. Checks on me. When distance was the right intervention. I miss being as close as we used to be. In different ways, she made […]
~2min
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/xsi5qgUMz8w
You’re welcome 😛
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Does anyone want to ruin their ‘life’?…?
Did we develop our “life’s” plan before being born?
Do we have “free will”?
Are we ‘actors’ on a stage?
Is it really better to stay and face our sh*t?
Is Suicide a “sin”?
Is this the ‘Matrix’?
Is being mentally tormented part of the plan?
Can we “choose” anything?
Are we puppets being played?
Are we playing “The Game of Life”?
Why is “escape” a coward?
Why does nothing seem to work for some?
How do we overcome?
What is the point of suffering?
Is suffering created by the sufferer?
What stops the […]
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I just want to feel something else other than this deep sadness. And alone. I just want to be able to focus on something other than all my thoughts. I wish I had energy to do things. Fun things, not just things I have to get done.
I wish there was something I liked about myself but there’s not. What’s not boring is shit and what’s not shit is just dull. Maybe if I could find something […]
not getting into methods, just some biology about what I understand causes people to die
Everyone dies from lack of oxygen to the brain, be it heart failure (heart stops pumping blood, your brain stops receiving it, vital oxygen deprived and goodbye you), liver failure, kidney failure or systemic infection. Even respiratory distress ultimately comes down to the oxygen not being absorbed in the lungs, so it can’t be provided in sufficient quantities to your brain, and so you die. Heck, even nervous system damage is not so serious until it ceases to provide the right signals to your lungs and heart, and whichever mechanism leads […]
I want to blow my brains out and destroy the part of my shitty mind that keeps fixating on her.
I’ve been told I should move on and I’ve been trying to that. I don’t know if I have ocd or something, but my mind is fixated on her. Even in my sleep I can’t escape.
I don’t typically have dreams but last night I had a dream about her. I went to the movies with her, we wandered around the mall, and she came to my house. It hadn’t even occurred to me that this was a dream because everything was so normal. The […]
my mom’s in the ICU. I hope she’s ok.
This hot weather is unpleasant for me
So, I was ready to go home….. Then the power company pulled the rug out…. Now I am as low as I have been… Doubt sleep will come…… I really want to die RN….. Thinking about waiting until everyone goes to sleep, I can come up with something….. Me being alive is a problem I can solve… Unlike the rest of them
I had worked so hard just to get to holding it together, and now even that was chasing the wind … Mirages… Common to people long in the desert or at sea, Fata morgana as they call it, after Arthurian legend that almost definitely […]
OK peeps, go and listen to this and see if your wealth changes 😛
Ha! If only it were true…
I don’t want to give up and end it all, but I’ve got no fight left in me.
How do I climb up and carve a better life for myself if I’ve got no fight left?
How do I even keep on living/existing?
Every day is torture.
I don’t want to give up but I’m SO tired of fighting this world.
So tired of fighting myself.
I could’ve been something.
I could’ve made it.
Actually, I DID make it out.
But then I got sick.
And the Universe fucked me over.
And over and over and over.
Along with shitty people.
TONS of shitty people.
And back down I slid.
Every year for the last 15 years I’ve slid downhill.
And now I feel so far gone, I’m not sure I can even get back out of this hellscape.
I almost made it.
I almost fucking made it out.
ALMOST.
Fuck me. Fuck my shitty life.
GODDAMNIT, I ALMOST MADE IT OUT.
I’m so fucking angry.
I’m so defeated.
I could cry and scream but […]
What do you think. Survival is hard some time, most of the time or all the time? And why.
Memories are permanent