There are things I like to refer to as car engine light problems. If you ignore it and keep driving, more than likely you’ll be OK. It’s when you try to find what the problem is is when things get bad.

Lately my dumbass has been messing around on those websites where you pay girls to give you attention. Use your imagination for what type of websites those are. Made me realize how lonely I was for a relationship like that. Talking to a person about your problems. Feeling close to them in that way. Having someone […]

I feel like NO ONE (or hardly anyone)
1- understands me (or cares)
2- believes the same things I do (politically, economically, socially, medically, etc)- or believes even half the stuff I do (ie NOT mainstream, NOT Left, NOT Right, NOT Libertarian, NOT Green)- there’s certain things I believe from each of those parties but certainly not most.
3- understands my depression (or cares)

What do you do when you feel like an alien amongst sheeple? Everyone thinks they are “awake” but they still blindly follow their “side” or their “guys.” No one picks apart each and every “thing” and analyzes that thing or […]

She was away with her sisters. It was getting late, near the witching hour, 2.55 am. I had dismissed a new bit on the side at midnight, that was a mistake, post physical relations I find I want nothing to do with women,I’ll sleep in another room thank you very much. She’s getting too fond of wacky baccy, it’s hard enough maintaining my own usage, one can’t carry women. Her perfume was all over the house, nice perfume I hasten to add, but I had to be careful , she has a nose like a fucking sniffer dog.I opened every window in the house. A […]

How many of us are stuck in a apt/neighborhood/city/state that we don’t want to be in due to finances? I think there’s many of us in that boat. Me, heartless, trulymindless, Soda (unless he was finally able to move out of that apt)- that’s at least 4. How many others?

Hogwash or True?

People have REAL problems- like poverty, health problems, bad jobs, bad bosses, bad coworkers, not being able to afford a good apt in a good neighborhood, etc. But we’re constantly being told by therapists “we just need to change our mentality.” Like isn’t that what DBT and CBT all about? Telling us that the way we think is WRONG, and we just have to think differently so that we’d be happy.

But isn’t that just lying to ourselves? All it does is have the whole world tell us that we are WRONG, and that we must be like robots or good […]

A quick way to turn any lie into truth is to add “…if you have money” at the end.

Help is available if you have money.

It gets better if you have money.

Life is worth living if you have money.

You aren’t alone if you have money.

We care if you have money.

but why stop there? Let’s keep going….

You can accomplish anything you set your mind to if you have money.

Just be yourself if you have money.

If there’s a will there’s a way if you have money.

Implied: if you don’t have money you’re fucked.

why do i feel so miserable when i talk to someone who’s supposed to make me feel loved and cared for? i’m actually asking, i’m so serious lol. like, i guess i’m just not happy with him, that i can understand. i just don’t feel like leaving is an option. i feel so guilty for even thinking about breaking it off, it’ so so weird honestly. it almost feels like i can’t.
writing it out makes me realize how dumb that sounds, but i really do have my reasons to feel that way. a friend of mine kinda made me feel pressured to not hurt […]

I just realized- EVERYTHING is measured in “household” figures- ALL the data out there- income, mortgage/rent, savings, blah blah. EVERYTHING is measured in household #s. If you’re single, well Fcuk you. And no, you can’t simply divide all the #s in half. Two people living in the same space pays way LESS than a single person for rent/mortgage. Single ppl ALWAYS pay more, for everything. Housing and food are the big ones. Families are more cost-effective when it comes to food, but single ppl have to buy small portions of everything, or eat out, which costs more. […]

I think I’m sensitive to time. It bothers me when I’m told something will happen within a set time and it doesn’t. It annoys me when people are late to things. Especially when something this important is hanging over my head. Another autistic trait? Or maybe just plain neurosis. I don’t know. Every single day feels like a thousand years. Nights are probably the worst. Nothing on Youtube. No tv shows I want to watch. Games are boring me. Started sending out applications. Can’t find the motivation to fill out simple forms. […]

bc I am NOT feeling ANY of it… -_-

Was thinking of moving to Mexico bc America is too bloody expensive. But there’s riots now in Mexico where they want Gringos OUT bc Gringos keep moving in and increasing the cost of living for the locals. I mean I see their plight but I need to escape the high costs of USA. I guess technically I’m not a “Gringo” as I am not white, but I’d still be a foreigner, and there’s as much anti-foreigner sentiment there right now as there is anti-foreigner sentiment here in the US.

I would love to try out Hawaii, but Hawaii is expensive AF, so…idk. […]

Yesterday was kind of a lot. There’s been a lot in my head I’ve been kind of just holding in, I know, I know I should just talk to people about stuff, it gets harder with the heat and the stress, I’m so low right now. Not sure if I’m suicidal or not, not expressing it if I am. Keeping it all packed down inside. Until it spills out, like it did yesterday.

The kid was pulling my hair and beard, I was getting in trouble for his toilet problems again, and for another kid, I’d been decheduled on a Friday for the third week running […]

It’s starting to get to me. I’ve emailed 3 times and nobody is willing to do anything or answer. I fucked myself by submitting at the beginning of summer. I’ve been forgotten. Plain and simple.

Ok- so while many people are still capable of having a job and outwardly appearing to have their shit together- how many of those ppl are mentally fucked up / going through shit / or have issues?

Like just reading stuff online where ppl post anonymously either venting or asking for advice- I feel like maybe 2/3 of all ppl have messed up lives and like only 1/3 are normal / have happy lives. I mean, obviously I don’t know the actual percentages but I think WAY more ppl are fucked up than what we think.

Just read an advice post where this guy’s wife named […]

Had a bit of a mental trip about 2 days ago.

I didn’t sleep much or well the past 2 or 3 days before than, and then passed out and woke up a whole half hour after my shift.

Texted my boss and apologized about being late, and luckily am able to do remote work, so I sat there for a minute, hands on my head, eyes bugged out, fucking losing it.

I got through the day, and I think I finally did get some sleep yesterday, so I was early to work today. That being said, all these thoughts swirling around, and no matter what I watch […]

People will always think that I am stupid. No matter how many times I debunk it, they will always believe it. Maybe even get some cognitive dissonance.

Do you know how many times people have asked if someone drove me to a certain place? Why? Because they don’t believe that I’m capable of driving myself. I get so damn annoyed that I’m just going to play the ask a question, get a stupid answer game for now on. They already think I’m stupid, so why not?

At the church, me and my mom were visiting. Everyone there wanted me to join the Special […]

Apparently a characteristic of Autism is that a person has trouble regulating their emotions and can feel them intensely. I still have doubts about of psychiatrist’s diagnosis, but it makes me think of those high stress moments I’ve had in my life. I am honestly ashamed of how I reacted to a lot of them. Those moments of frustration I had in the lab. I think I’d die if anyone caught me acting the way I did. Like a child’s tantrum. That time I got rejected in high school after confessing to a girl. I had to go […]

Quick rant. I hate being a lesbian woman. It feels so isolating. None of my friends are lesbians. I have a gay (male) friend and one of my friends is bisexual but none are lesbians. They talk about men all the time and I feel so out of place because I can’t relate to that. Whenever I say I’m sick of hearing about men all the time they get mad at me. Fair I guess. They can’t help but being attracted to men. But god does it feel so lonely. Even excusing the lesbian thing we don’t have much in common. I’m aware that […]