Anyone else suffer from this? I’m not talking about physical speech impediments or aphasia where you literally can’t form words. I guess the term for what I’m talking about is “selective mutism” but when I read up on that it doesn’t seem to apply either.

What I’m talking about is, you want to talk to people, you’re even good at it, but it’s just such an effort like getting out of bed to a depressed person. You just isolate and rot.

I’ve long since ghosted all my old friends, even though they’re good people. I figured that was because they reminded me of my past (a logical […]

A Shit Family?

ChatGPT or Online Therapy? If so, how good or bad are they? I’ve tried an AI depression chatbot once. It wasn’t all that helpful. But maybe AI has gotten better since then? Any suggestions?

I need to talk to someone but:

1- a good therapist is HARD to find
2- regular therapy costs money. even if insurance covers, there’s still $20 co-pay at minimum, for like 45min. Or in my case, I’m getting charged $15 and $20 for EACH session. IDKW i’m getting billed TWICE but they are. $15 or $35 each week -THAT gets pretty expensive pretty […]

Holy shit
1- They can have police trace your calls / your location
2- They can have the police haul you away and lock you up
3- They do this to 2% or 1 in 50 callers. That is a very HIGH #

Do you ever feel bored but also can’t find anything to do?

I haven’t been leaving my room these past few days. I still go out to eat and bath and stuff, but mostly I’ve just holded myself up in this room. Feels like the world outside it is dead. And that the only thing there is is in this room. Barely done anything this week. Maybe turned in a handful of applications. Started applying for part time jobs locally cause that’s what my mom wants. For some reason I find this insulting. I’d like to tell myself that I’m not above doing a job at Walmart, but maybe […]

Some years ago I went to an exceptional endocrinologist who explained to me that, despite my thyroid levels being “normal” the actual “normal” was vastly different. Apparently true normal falls within a narrower range than the mathematical average.

It took about 18 months to find the sweet spot, but once found, suddenly I was no longer depressed or suicidal. I am here now because a different endocrinologist lowered by medication.

I am not telling you that you are misdiagnosed, only that it is worth checking out. Advocate for yourself.

Give yourself grace while holding yourself accountable. Improvement can happen.

Our beloved SP admin may ban me for quoting […]

Is it hope that “things will be better?”
Is it friends/family/SO? (ie love and care)
Is it drugs/alcohol/etc to numb yourself from this world?

How do we not fall into the abyss?

i didn’t think it was possible to be in this shithole again. i thought we had matured enough to deal with this shit on our own. we had learned how to escape this, i’m sure we did escape it. right? i want to go hug maa. but alas, we’re too old for all this now. we’ve left home, we wanted freedom- we have freedom yet here we are in this forbidden sink again. till how far will we run? run from the things that matter and the people who care. how far will we lie to the ones who give a fuck? i know we […]

I’m only still alive because I’ve promised a select few that I would. Just 3 people, I’m pretty sure. While I’m immensely grateful for them and very glad to have them in my life, sometimes I regret ever making such a promise. Sometimes I even get mad at them, but I know it’s not their fault. Do they even remember making me promise? I wonder

Sorry if my post is a bit incoherent…

I’m stuck, lost and trapped in my whole A COMPLETELY LONG MAZE MIND SEEMINGLY ENDLESS AND DOESN’T GO ANYWHERE WHY AM I TRAPPED IN THIS DAMN MIND OF MINE?????????
Why do I take anyone seriously, this whole world just seems like a complete and utter clown show anyway. People are all over the place like a damn yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo.
Can you REALLY trust anyone? LOL, no you CAN’T. (this doesn’t necessarily make people bad, that’s just how things are).

I feel like I’m just a speck of fucking dust trying to navigate, […]

I’m at that point where I can’t stand to be around my family. I knew I had a time limit before both my family and I would get like this. I was hoping to be out of here by now. I need solitude. I don’t function with other people. I never have. When I’m depressed alone, I can be alone. When I’m angry alone, I can crash out however I like. When I’m happy alone, I can do whatever I want. If for whatever reason I need people (unlikely), I’ll go look for them. I […]

I  was reversing out of my mother’s driveway. There was a guy walking by who seemed to be in another world, unaware of the car. I hit the brakes just in time. He lost his footing and stumbled over into a grass patch. ” Here what happened mate?” I said getting out of the car. ” My mistake, I didn’t see you” he said. ” No problem, there’s your phone ” I said pointing to his phone which was on the ground. ” Fuck, thanks mate ” he said picking up the phone. ” You all right man?”I said. ” Sorry man I’m stoned” he […]

THIS. Watch this video. Video is 23min, but he gets right to the meat of the issue of what’s happening in America- this manufactured rage-bait and hate against the Left-Right.

Guy explains it perfectly. He’s an ex-military chief who specializes in behavior profiling, interrogation, and Human Intelligence operations. He says this is textbook military psyops. I had thought this before even seeing this video- but this guy says what I’ve been thinking in a much more succinct way.

Does anyone remember another site around 2005 that also had a black or dark background with lighter text? It had pages categorized by methods but was more information oriented and not discussion focused. I’m not trying to look up anything, just wondering about stuff from the past.

with all this shit going on in the world and in the USA (for those of us in the US).

Life is fucking depressing unless you are
1- stupid/ignorant
2- delusional
3- lucky enough to have a good life- have enough money to not be affected or give a shit about the state of our economy or the shit that’s going on in the world

if we are aware of the bullshit and fuckery going on, how can one be happy? i mean aside from downing drugs to make ourselves into zombies?

I don’t know if it’ll ever come to anything, but I’m trying developing a video game. It’s kind of a why not me kind of moment that has been going on for a little bit. I do have a minor in computer science, and I’m told I’m a decent writer. I talked to a computer science friend and he backed the decisions I’ve made so far, but who knows if they are good ones?

Like I’m going to launch an indie game….. definitely some imposter syndrome going on.

Why do we have to be controlled by money all the time? Why are we slaves to money?

I’ve come to realize that all my self harm is emotional. I don’t have the stomach to follow through with my impulses, so instead I just lock myself in a chamber of self hate. Constant echoes of “I don’t deserve to exist”, “what if I just disappeared”, “I should just die”, “it’d be so much easier if I were just gone”. Flurries of these statements just banging around in my head at more and more alarming rates the longer this low point in my life goes on. I withhold nice things that I have because it’s “not the right time”, “I don’t deserve it” and […]

WTF is happening to America? WTF is wrong with people?

I’m no fan of the right or of conservatives (nor am I a fan of the left, at least not anymore after the last 2 elections)- but assassinating someone who isn’t even a politician and doesn’t hold any political power? He’s also not even one of the most extreme ones on the right. But he is popular with the under 30yo crowd so I do see why he was taken out, so to speak.

OFC this is causing even MORE divide among the left and right. Makes me think if this wasn’t orchestrated […]