best ways to utilize a body you cant use anymore? preferably for other’s sake.
I’m comfortable with sadness. I wonder if my life will always be like this. I wear sadness like I wear a shirt, always with me. I want to be happy, but happy is unfamiliar. How is it that sadness has become my comfort, my home? If I reach out my hands, happiness is just in reach. But I cling to the darkness because it is familiar. I don’t think I deserve to be happy. Its like when I personally take 2 steps forward my home life knocks me back10 steps. So I’m back to the beginning again, back to feeling worthless and stupid and ugly.
My depression started when i was 11. My father had been abusing me and cheating on my mother then she eventually got tired of it and her left when i was 12. Haven’t talked to him since. My mother went into deep depression after he left and she started abusing prescription drugs (soma, vicoden etc) she had very unmanageable diabetes and was in and out of the hospital for 6 years. Then she passed away 3 years ago when i was 18. She died from an accidental pill overdose. Ever since then ive had so much emotional pain. I dont know how to deal with […]
I hate the feeling of not knowing how to do something or not getting things right away, it makes me feel obviously dumb as hell and incompetent. Final exams are coming up and being “stressed” is a damn understatement.. Maintaining my grades and not disappointing my parents.. I usually only write about how fast my emotions change but I’ve been feeling quite stagnant. Its weird to not have ‘episodes’ but hell its a fucking relief. Sorry this isn’t too cohesive I just wanted to write something here. And is anyone good at chemistry and is willing to help me? The teacher is 70 something damn years old […]
well, folks, made it one more day.went to appointments with whitecoats. they actually let me leave. i was pretty amazed. dont know what kind, if any, help they will be,but hey, a little effort is better than none right? i dont trust these people,and old bad memories are evrywhere. i would prefer a more holistic approach, as that path has proved the most successful FOR ME, the physical effects of this past crisis still abound. weak, tired, feel like i have been hit in chest with sledgehammer,cant breathe, thoughts slow and sluggish, but that nagging desire to end it has finally subsided. once again. for […]
I’m a 23 years old Asian girl. I’m sorry if my English is not good (also posting by my cell phone) and my life story is too long. In my country, my family was quite poor and I wasn’t really good at studying. My only hope was not to become a failure like my parents. I hated my father for being so helpless and not trying hard to take care of my family. When my aunt suggested for my family to immigrate to the country I’m living in right now, I was thrilled with joy. I hated my country and their education system. All my […]
I ask a question as old as it is cliche. I no longer fear the ambiguity of death as I once did. It is not the thought of the actual act of dying that scares me, but rather my willingness to let go. There is no reason for me to share my story. It is no sadder than any others. We all live with our own burdens and sins. Some of us choose to fight the good fight, to “keep on trucking” as the saying goes. Others of us get our lives cut short, never given the option. And some of us choose to tap out early, […]
I’ve felt empty since my teenage years. And now I’m 24. I never felt disapointed in me, even though I’ve never been happy with myself. More like always on other people. I never have spoken out loud about these things. Vice versa I pretend to be happiest person on this earth. Always cheering people to chase their dreams, whatnot. I never felt that there would be someone that would fully understand me enough. I get always the attention I don’t enjoy to get but don’t show it. Every single night I cry myself to sleep and wake up with a such a heartache. I feel […]
The end is approaching, I can feel it. Everything is going against me, creating the only path which is right for me, suicide. By the end of this year hopefully it’ll be over and done with. Noone else is going to get the chance to disappoint me, no plans will be cancelled, no promises broken, no fake smiles aimed in my direction, my heart will ache and break no more. Just brief freedom whilst in the air and then boom. Finally dead and gone.
…never knew/barely knew your extended family?
How many only children here?
Raise your hands, friends.
(Misery loves company, right?)
I’m a 32 years old loser and total failure in this so-called “real world / real life / reality”. Is there really no hope for me anymore?
I’m a 32 years old guy from Indonesia. Graduated about 13 years ago from U.S, and then “back for good” to my home country, supposedly working for a family business.
Many people honestly tell me (or view me) as a very talented, even multi-talented person. But unfortunately/sadly, somehow I just lack several few factors yet they are apparently probably the *MOST IMPORTANT* factors in this so-called “real world / real life / reality” .
It’s my mind / constant thinking & […]
we are all humans we all make mistakes and learn from them ,but sometimes our big mistakes can lead us to depression . sometimes there are some mistakes that you can’t fix them and when you think about it you feel guilty and you start to hate your self!!!. but you can never fix a mistake by a bigger mistake (you can never fix your mistake by suicide).sometimes you really enjoy your time while making a mistake and you feel proud but we don’t know that this feeling will change and will regret it . and whenever we remember our mistake we start crying or […]
I had the chance to go up the rooftop of a 12-story building some days ago. It was refreshing to get out of the house for a while and the air was so cool what with the christmas season (or a typhoon) approaching…
I stood up on a ledge and looked down and tried to take pictures. When I went up I could already feel my knees wobbling and my hand was shaking so much the first few pictures I got were blurred, I had to retake the […]
dear people, well after a really bad week, decided to give up and surrender to the whitecoats.in going to my appointment, please know that i carry all the shame and guilt that comes with this decision. all those studies and tests i was part of didnt do shit. cant wait to see what is in store for me now. they mean well, but dont know and cannot understand what we go through. i came to this website looking for meathods. i stayed because what i found here hurts my heart worse than the depression. so many people. so many people. i was surprised. really, i […]
So yeah, the title says it all, im new around here. I guess this is the part where im suppose to tell you how i came to be here, but that is a long and very boring story.
Mostly it is a by product of my own stupidity and selfishness that forced me to slump into isolation and despair. Im not looking for any sympathy just some like minded people who have had enough of this miserable world. So far my prospects seem a little bleak. No offense but some of you here are just a buzz kill. Anyway i didn’t come here to once again […]
i was playing basketball today and the ball hit my middle finger, and it hurt so bad but that not the thing, the thing is they keep on playing dodging me on the floor NOBODY moved his finger to ask me if i was okay, am i invisible the big question why does everybody do not gives a fuck about me
Oh the magic of proxy browsers to get to all those websites your pesky boss has blocked. Fuck this. I’m so tired. I don’t really wanna fight anymore or hold on. I’m pretty sure I will because there’s nothing else to do but I won’t enjoy it.
I always asked my self this question (why do people change???) but I never found an answer for it. I found so many people changed in my life some are my friends and even my mom had changed these few 2 years maybe even I changed and I didn’t realized that. there are some positive changes but most people if they changed they change into the negative side . when I use to be a kid I use to come back from school and I find my mom baked for me a cake and I sit to drink my milk with the cake but now […]
I wish I could go back 11 years a go and be 5 years old again. I use just to play and not have any problems and in that time if I cries the reason will be my doll is broken or I was playing and I fall down even school we use to learn how to color and cut a picture and all our friends in 5 years old were the true because they were still young and they are not wild. we use to be scared of darkness and monsters but when we grew up when you there are many things that […]
That hell that’s been my head these past 26 years has gotten the best of me.
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD 3 years ago and even though i thought learning about it would help me, i’m still the
same fucking mess, still failing at everything and the worst is i have learned i can’t do SHIT about it.
And I am tired of this.
I’ve had enough of the stuggle
I’ve had enough of feeling stupid and ridiculed by people i call my friends
Enough of this emotional rollercoaster which has crashed years ago on depression mode
Enough of believing i’m surrounded by caring people until […]