someone tell me a motivating story so I don’t lose hope on this thing we call “life”

hate the holiday season, reminds me of how alone I feel.

I messed up this summer. I fucked up my relationship with my best friend who I’ve secretly had feelings for for the past 5 or so years. Since grade school we were friends and in high school when I started to get really depressed she was the only person I could talk whom I felt didn’t judge me for it. She helped me a lot in some low points in my life when I was thinking about suicide. She’d always ask me how I was feeling and she’d listen to me rant about life without judgement. She lived kind of far away so I would […]

Very true – but they can be slain as well  😉

I have noticed a relatively common theme among suicidal people is the belief that the people around them – and the world in general – would be “better off” without them. They often express remorse and inner turmoil for the pain they have caused others.

It’s strange – even during my own darkest moments, I never believed anyone would actually be “better off” without me. No better or worse? Absolutely (truthfully, that is where much of my pain derived from – the fact that it didn’t seem to matter whether or not I existed). But not better.

The way I see it, if you recognize the fact […]

I’ve never really liked going away from home. I used to be okay with it though. These past couple of years everything has changed. It started off with being unable to leave for a week. Then two nights. Then one. Now, even a full day trip causes anxiety. I’ve determined it’s not that I’m attached to anyone at my home, it’s my home itself. I am, however, going to college in 2 years. I’m scared as fuck. I’m really smart, and I have the grades to go anywhere. I’m afraid that my emotional problems will hold me back, leaving me unable to go anywhere but […]

I have read a lot of posts from here over the years, particularly when I Google something random and crazy about death or killing myself lol. I decided to make an account earlier when I read some posts about donating organs after suicide. I have been in love with death for many years now. I think I romanticize the thought in my head too much sometimes. I am of peaceful and sound mind. I would never hurt anyone so I assure those reading this that no one (except maybe my own self..) is in any physical danger on my behalf.

I am going to be 23 […]

I got sucked in. The darkness took over and when it takes over it drowns you and pulls you away so that you can no longer see the light. No one sleeps in the dark we stay awake and let our thoughts take us away to endless possibilities and the only way we feel greatness is to pour another drink and provoke trouble because trouble is the only thing we can feel. I got sucked in.

Its been approximately a year since I’ve posted .In that time I’ve had alot of time to think and reflect.I’ve discovered alot about myself.as all of.you dont know I despise myself.I hate myself.I look in the mirror everyday and hate what I see.im only ever good for hurting other people.thinking back to when everything first began for me I already knew that all thats happened to me up until now was gonna happen.you see everyone follows their own paths in life.some not always good.you decide what path,journey,what road you will walk.me?I chose this path knowing that I’d end up alone.I knew that I’d come to […]

I really wish I was never born.. nothing I do is worth anything. I cant make anyone hapoy and everything and everyone I come in contact with turns to shit. I just want it all to end. Realisticly it would be better for everyone in my pathetic life.. I just cant deal with the disappointment I cause everyone. My wife and kids would do better without me……

What is the point of living anymore?

I will never reach any of my goals. I will forever be stupid, fat, and unwanted. No one I like will ever return the feelings. I will never have friends who truly care, not even enough to learn trivial things like my birthday.

What is the point of living, if my father will still deny that he abuses me, and that I  have depression that has been diagnosed by my many therapists. What is the point of living if my mother will blame the disasters in her life on me, and threaten to walk out on me.

What is the point […]

It’s hard to want to live when people are filthy, lying hypocrites that might even kill you if they knew they could get something out of it, or get away with it.

God, both my parents are dropping not-so-subtle hints that they already want to retire…

My father had a myocardial infarction a few years ago and he’s still struggling to pay off the loan he took to pay for the medical bills, and on top of that he’s paying for his meds for diabetes monthly and sending my 2 younger siblings to college. He says he really wants to pay all the bills and just retire as soon as he can.

My mother is sick and tired of her abusive boss and unprofessional work environment. She only plans to stay 3 years tops to complete a 10-year company […]

I just want this nightmare to end. I want to wake up and find none of this really ever happened. The love of my life, my reason for living has found someone else. He’s still here with me in body, but not entirely here. I know it’s still going on and I want to die so badly. The only reason that I’ve not done it yet is because I hope one of these days he’ll see, that he’ll open his eyes and see that it was all just a big mistake. But I’ve not many days left, I just hope it happens soon.

I hate mirrors. No I just fuckin hate what’s looking at me when I look at one. Disgusting. Just fuckin disgusting

cutting gives you control over an uncontrollable situation, it makes you feel you have power, it satisfies something in you.

If your battling depression and issues in your life right now.  The crazy stuff going on in the world doesnt help much.

We have plagues like Ebola and the Black Plague popping up and killing lot of people.  Other mysterious illnesses are

popping up and injuring people and doctors don’t even know what some of the Illnesses are.  e have wars in the middle east

we have countries beefing up their arsenal of nuclear weapons and making threats towards other nations.

We have governments taking away peoples rights and people that have been sworn to protect us making declensions

that make things worse for us….   and some of those elected […]

a happy thought as soon as you wake up could potentially change the whole day, wake up and believe it will be a good day. find something about yourself you love, yes this may be hard, but try. there has to be one thing, maybe its you’re strength or perseverance just anything think of something good something that makes waking up rewarding and the day will be so much brighter. it may sound dumb and it may be challenging at first but I promise it helps, just try it. trying never hurt anyone!

people should really work on being more positive and encouraging, yeah people may not care about you and you may not have a strong support system but you owe it to yourself to care and love the person you are. yes easier said that done, but don’t be so negative about it. get into a mind set that you will change for the better and you are already half way there. change your attitude and things tend to follow. JUST A THOUGHT. xoxo

the shrink doesn’t think there is anymore drug wise he can do for me. he doesn’t think my depression is a chemical imbalance . so as of today i have stopped taking my meds. he doesn’t know this. i guess he will figure it out when i stop seeing him. from my research it seems i will be in for a hell of a ride. oh well. doesn’t sound like any of it will be lethal but one can hope. maybe the only thing it will accomplish is to clarify my desire to be dead. been thinking about it hard and heavy. haven’t procured  the […]