It’s another one of those periodic times where suicidal thoughts come and go as they please inside my head.

This is the third time this feeling of “could someone just kill me now” has infiltrated my head. It is raining heavily outside and the weather has been cold for a few days in a row now. I am missing my targets for the day again, I just want to end.

After spending 23 years with a psychopathic husband, I thought I’d feel better quickly once I was no longer living with him – wrong.  Apparently, I was in denial as to the extent of the abuse since he stopped physically abusing me years ago – and ramped up the psychological, emotional, sadistic, covert abuse to an 11!  He also used the abuse from my childhood to manipulate my emotions and control me.  It finally ended almost 9 months ago and I have been in extensive therapy for trauma – something I had no idea I’d be dealing with as the result of leaving him. I […]

i dont want to be honest. i dont want to talk about it. but i dont want to keep it to myself either.

i want to get higher, i feel horrible. i want to stop feeling. idk, i want to stop but at the same time i want to drown. i just want it to stop…..

addictions are horrible….mental illness encouraging the addiction is horrible…..

i dont want to be the girl thats struggling. the one with addictions. the one dealing with abuse.
im fine

(TOAD – RX)

I’m tired of all this suffering. Because I can’t have normal relationships with others I feel like killing myself. I’m a soft person. Why do I let myself affected by mean, inconsiderate words and actions? I wish I was tough

here i am again
i dont know what triggered it this time
im not happy
and i think what’s the point then?
nothing really brings me joy anymore
my sex drive is gone
i hate work and it’s not fulfilling
i barely have friends and family
and i dread to see them
so what’s the point of all this suffering?
there’s no light at the end of the tunnel
it’s a saturday night and i feel depressed
so im waiting for the high to hit
i can only hope that will numb away my pain
i’ve always heard drugs is a way to escape reality

I work in education. Due to the nature of my work and also where I reside, being diagnosed with depression and anxiety is a serious social stigma that could easily cost me my job and end my career.

Every single day I have to haul myself out of bed.

Every single day I have to put on my ‘happy face’ mask just so my students don’t notice something’s wrong with me (teenagers can be surprisingly observant  to the tiniest changes in us.)

Every time when a colleague asks, “How are you, Ms. X?” I’ll have to muster all the strength and courage in me to not burst into […]

I guess it is my escapist nature. Fantasies of disappearing involve places far away. A ship to Antarctica. A field in Montana. A Tibetan prayer tent in the Himalayas. I dream of being far away, and ending there. No one I know can see me, or stop me.

There is no enjoyment now. Disappearing into the vast made up world of media,  lying in bed recovering from the physical pain of living, and the psychological pain of those whose time is dying.  Why not me? No one suspects. No one would guess. The places I go. So low so low. I want not to exist. Really. […]

Being single is the worst kind of pain. I’m thirty and… Why am i still alive… Pain will never go away it only grows, lonelyness  will never end. Curse is too strong, and on top of that my only friend got a gf… This hurts, i can’t help, but wish him all the worst. What am i supposed to do now, get a new friend?! like that be possible…

Hey, its been a while since ive been on here.
I guess these feelings never truely leave us.
A couple years back there was a website that people from here used to chat with eachother.
I was wondering is there still is a space to live chat with people?

Back then it was a helpfull space as most of th etime someone was there to just listen and help you get at least some understanding and compassion.
Anyway ,it wwould be nice if there would be such a space again.

Also i would like to know if there are still people around from back in 2014~2017… id […]

I reported a coworker for harassment and discrimination to HR after speaking to him directly, speaking to my management, and my management’s management with no improvement. All I have ever wanted was the sexist remarks and bullying to stop. Instead, I got years of horrible retaliation and more abuse.

I believed the mandatory training that says that good faith reports will not be retaliated against. Everything that the training said would not happen happened short of being fired, and they are trying that now.

I was stupid. I didn’t think about the fact that my abuser was extremely good friends with my immediate […]

Idk, this may be stupid. Anyway, I’ve got a cousin that wasn’t known the best for productivity. He was lazy af. I shamed him for it for some reason when I was no better. Now I’m feeling envy for him. He’s very social, gaming all the time with friends and stuff. He’s gotten into a dubbing circle that will apparently pay him to dub things. He decided to spend the next vacation learning computer things and says he is a possible candidate for an employee at a 3d printing store. I’m fucking speechless. All this while I cry about how much homework I get even […]

We don’t know what happens to us when our soul leaves the body . Will we remain in nothingness and disappear indefinitely? Every time I think of this nothingness I freak out ! The believer does not think about this nothingness, because he believes in heaven, so they live on this earth in peace . Therefore, I believe that religions were created for people to live in peace . Fake religions ! And false faith to live in peace . The truth is a wonderful thing for a person to live in an illusion so that he does not think about death . […]