walking down cold halls stone of the underground

waxing the words strate out of my head the candel burns

the blood red pane in my forgoten sole

did i see this comeing a life of pane and hurt

was there a time i was happy

were my heart didunt explode in to fragments with the wakeing of the sun

was there ever a time were i was hear at all

was there a time were people looked at me full stop!

was there a time were i was saine!

was there a time were i was loved…

the world falls in to darkness and i with it fall

people try to fix me look in to […]

well lastnight whent… well when i landed it knocked all the wind out of me i gave one hell of a yelp should of kept my trap shut chould of bled out cos of my arm insted mum came out and you can just imagin how much she freeked out i feel so sorry for her thay wiped all the blood of my arm and bandaged it up couldent beare the imbarisment of a suicidel son how whould that efect them and there reputashion “oh my” takes the piss im not upset i didunt die any more im up set cos my mum and dad […]

There once was a humanity that came to be by nature.

The ape to caveman, man. Does the “Squatch-man,” exist.

Can you breathe in into my soul, but I have none.

The gorilla, the vast body factor.

Nature genocide, but we still have big muscle.

Our history is a beautiful, obliterated and burnt story.

The scrolls of time, erased.

The monster persist, in all-ultimate. (Devoured).

The child. The jewel.

The kingdom of Buddha.

The animals.

Babylon, welcome.

Welcome to the project.

You’re either in, or you’re out.

I need to run back, to the native land.

We will sing. We will chant.

The drum to the gold empire.

The “Arc,” was a tremble.

“Hoo – Yah!”

Hypno, never comes back.

I’m thinking whether I should seek help for my depression. (Just a self diagnosis) Everyday there is just something that makes me feel more and more miserable.  I feel like such a disappointment and am just wondering before I actually do kill myself and leave my family to grieve. Should I actually seek help or is it not even worth it?

Another day, and I slowly make my way out of the sleep paralysis that seems to come more often now. Then one by one I drag a foot off my bed and plant it on the floor,  feeling surprised that I am still alive, but of course not surprised that I still feel so dead… I look over my shoulder towards the spot in which I had laid and observe the blood stains upon my sheets from last nights battle. Another trigger had been pulled and I was wounded, the cuts are getting a little deeper now, it’s also requiring more to simply balance out […]

its an option for me. i always have them around. something to knock me out, fall over the side, and the sharks do the rest.

beautiful song.

Why does this happen to me? Why does this happen to us. I’m tired of the scars uprising, but I cant seem to hide. Love ain’t the answer. Death won’t pick up the phone when I call and all I ask is why me? Do people really care or is it all a show we are supposed to give into? My souls been annihilated & death still won’t take me… Where did I go wrong? Was being born not supposed to be? Is this punishment for my parents mistake? I don’t fucking get it one bit. They gone and everything in my life is gone […]

Tonight is the night. Im going to be in heaven. People have really showed me they dont care. So here it is no more bull shit. Im done with everyone. My boyfriend doesn’t act as id he cares no more. So here is to him. I loved yiu more than anything and you didn’t realize it. I didn’t want to break up and I no we didn’t but even if you didn’t care you could have acted like it. I no im not much.and every girl has trust issue. Especially when you give them a reason. I have them but I’ve tried my best to […]

‘Pearls Before Swine’ by Stephan Pastis (May 6, 2012)

I’m not looking for advice at all since I have zero motivation to improve my lot in life. I’m merely writing this to ***** and vent and commiserate with any potential like-minded souls that might feel the same way while I’m still here.

I have no money. No job. And only got a high school diploma. I am 34 years old and am living with my parents, whom […]

i did it… i cut so much i cant see the top of my right arm… yay? do i get a achevment now will it pop up on my screen “you fucked your arm up and your high on blood loss g fucking g”im at the point now were im floting im going to flote down the stears vire the windo now see you guys in a and e or the morg prefably the later though its only a seciond story but its worth a shot

This world…….this life ….this day …people believe they Know pain….the truth is no one can describe pain…its not a word every individual can answer…. The word pain can only be described by you….you yourself can explain what it is you think pain is…teenagers believe that every problem is suicidal and what their going through is so bad it can only be cured by death……there friends may think they know what’s wrong and tell them stop its okay …they love u …stop hurting and talk to me….and for some that will change there feelings ….people who do accept the comments made by their friends just means […]

 I think a lot about killing myself. Not like a point on a map, but rather like a glowing exit sign at a show that’s never been quite bad enough to make me wanna leave. See, when I’m up I don’t kill myself because holy shit- there is SO much left to do. And when I’m down I don’t kill myself because then the sadness would be over, and the sadness is my old paint under the new. The sadness is the house fire or the broken shoulder, I’d still be me without it, but I’d be so boring. – Neil Hilborn, “The Future”

I’ve always been a sensitive emotional girl. I’m specifically 14 years old, but not quite like the typical ‘hormone-raged’ teen. At least I don’t think so. My family has always been considerably distant, and I’ve always been the odd one out. My entire family tree, every single relative, was born in China except for me. I’m also a generation younger than everyone else. Why is that? Well…

My parents lived in China, during the Cultural Revolution, which really had an impact upon their life. They never had a regular life. After the Cultural Revolution, they had my sister. My family was very poor, and barely made […]

Around this time last year, things were going so well. Was working towards a job, was feeling positive and got a real pretty girlfriend.

I didn’t really get the job in the end, I felt really shitty, and me being schizo I went on a rampage took it all out on my gf, and lost her too…

I was so fkin heartbroken I vowed to myself I wouldn’t be with anyone else until I had my feet on the ground…

I use to be quite good with women and I kind of just threw it all in the drain on purpose cuz of the break-up and how it […]

I am not done or anything, I think I don’t really want to kill myself, I just find it soothing to have the posibility at hand and I know I would be brave enough to do it. I guess I’ve always been addicted to something, whether it’s a person or a drug or a thought or a fantasie or an action. I’ve had a lot of best friends and I have been addicted to self-harming and alcohol and weed and I just can’t seem to land on reality because I am always daydreaming. Reality has always been a burden to me partly I guess because […]

I just mess everything up for myself, I don’t know why I cant just make the right choices for once in my life. I’m clinging on to an ex, hooking up telling him I love him still that I want him to be happy even if it isn’t with me. But I havent let go I can’t and I don’t understand why he won’t let go either. I over think it and wonder if maybe because this time I’m suppose to be strong enough on my own to let go. But I can’t just thinking about it rips me up from the inside out. But […]

life is an abstract concept to me…

its like a dance that you cant really understand the concept of the movment seems destorted its like when you first read a script back or a story that you’ve just wrote you know it will make sense when youve ironed out the funny littel bits that arnt sapost to be there but its not like that i cant get rid of the littel bits im reading my life and non of it makes any senes it looks like a blood splat on a wall its got no struchure to it its just a mess some one said to me once in basic befor […]

It all begins with a scream,  the scream of an innocent kid who was born in this life of sin .. that kid is me ” Ahmed Mansy”
and this is my story *well it’s not the whole story, i’m kinda bad in english so it’s a summary* , the story of my suicidal trip who was filled with good and bad days.
I grew up in my grandpa house because my parents got divorced when i was like 7 or 8 years i didn’t care or i didn’t know what’s happening i was just a little kid and everything was just too pure and lovely […]

I’m 27 and  male, never had a girlfriend, don’t have any friends, don’t have a purpose and everything that I seem to give up on everything I start at the first sign of hardship. When I pick out something to do, I always think i could be doing something better. I have problems deciding. I constantly feel unloved and don’t know how to heal that without the help of others. I feel that this is partially the fault of  reversed gender roles with mom being the silent more rigid one and dad being the very caring person and sometimes overaccomodating. When it looks like I will be […]