Loneliness aches… and has slowly, over time chipped away at me. Now I find myself here, maybe just out of curiosity, or maybe just desperation. There are many people worse off than myself, many in this very community, but right now, from my narrow, blinkered and selfish viewpoint; I’ve never been lower, lonelier, sadder or felt so forgettable. I was passionate about things once upon a time, now I’m just cold, bitter, heartless, and full of deep disappointment by how this life has played out. Yet I let this life turn this way, I watched everyone leave, while I stubbornly stayed with my thoughts focused […]
I have sooooo much on my mind with nobody to talk / turn to so everything is just built up & continues to build each day i cant do anything without my mind racing all i want to do is run but i cant because its my body so its like im trapped so i just cry over & over & over again im so stressed & overwhelmed.
I am at the point I have already done everything I wanted to. That is within my reach anyway. Hope? For what? I have no family and don’t want one, working is hardly a reason to stick around. That’s all I do.
I love the sand and sea, but not enough to stay and I hardly doubt they will miss me.
Even at the end of a dream vacation thoughts of suicide start coming back out of their hiding place.
I have tried shamelessly to connect and create a life for myself and it just isn’t enough. The only thing I am proud of is how […]
Why do my days get worse and worse I never have anything good in my life ever and I never will. Any time I find something or someone that makes me happy it gets takin away from me. Why live my life everyday miserable and never actually live my life. Iv been alive for 22 years now but I never lived one day yet…. Why would I keep dealing with this? I have no one and nothing to live for. I’m meant to kill myself, I’m just too scared to like a coward I wish I can have the strength to just kill myself and […]
I can’t exist like this much longer. I just needed to share this with someone who can’t stop me, just understand.
maybe I just don’t understand myself or perhaps my perception has been distorted to the point where I can’t recognize the familiarities in me, but I just don’t know. I don’t know where my life has gone and the prospect of where it’s going scares me. I don’t know what to say, my thoughts are jumbled and hard to articulate, those emotions are ineffable and I can’t stand their presence.
I’m longing for a life I never had or perhaps a life that I feel I no longer have the ability to conceive, a life I can’t even fathom or translate into words. the world around […]
Well they put me on Seroquel. My jerk for a psychiatrist…..or should I say nurse practitioner says she’s seen a lot of good results from people on that medicine.
whatever.
Yesterday is over..
Yet in the blink of my eye there is still rebirth from the bitterness. There is still hope beyond hopelessness. There is a light!
To late to drown far off the shores from where we’ve been..the tide has turned back to us, and will bring us home
Never to be blinded by the salt of promise, and never to be forgotten!
Wind, breath, earth and my strength rise up in times I need it so desperately.. In times others need it the most!
Turn fire to the darkness and take comfort in its glow. Bring reason to your will, and to mine. Never […]
Simple events cause downward spirals of pain and hopelessness. 45 years old and nothing to show…a complete loser and let down to everyone that knows me. It’s too late. People who say its never too late don’t know the pain, the challenges, the guilt, the shame. Maybe its not too late, but it feels like it.
I don’t know how to get through the rest of the day.
There is no happiness when your life is bare of family and love.
I look for a purpose to go on living.
I find none.
Life. This never ending charade of lows marred by a few high points. Here I am once again and no, I do not feel good. I put up one heck of a fight but it wasn’t enough. Rather it was against the wrong opponent. I slaved away, hacked every piece of work to tiny shreds and earned my vacation. Achievement? Yeah probably but it did nothing to make me feel better. Quite the opposite, my slaving away left me in an all too common spot in life. All the friends i had graduated and because i dedicated everything to work. I turned invisible, uninteresting again. […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Yiruma-Moon-Light.mp3
I’m tired. I’m just tired.
I’m tired of food. I’m tired of television. I’m tired of work. I’m tired of school. I’m tired of going outside. . I’m tired.
Anytime someone asks how I am, my answer isn’t “I’m fine”
The answer is “I’m tired”
I’ve lost any shred of hope that I might of had. And I don’t see the point.
And the funny thing? I’m tired…but I can’t sleep.
I guess I’m not physically tired. I’m mentally and emotionally tired.
I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.
I don’t feel like going anywhere. I don’t feel like talking.
I seriously […]
There is a loneliness in this world
So great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock
People so tired, mutilated, either by love or no love.
People just are not good to each other.
We are afraid.
Our educational system tells us that we can all be big winners
But it hasn’t told us about the gutters or the suicides.
Or the terror of one person aching in one place
Alone, untouched, and unspoken to.
How many times do we have to […]
Betrayal!
I was 6 years old when it happened
It felt like the end,
When you betrayed us
To mum’s best friend.
At the start she was just a nail lady,
Then we started having tea,
I was never really fond of her,
She did always charge a high fee.
But then she met you
This was when I knew she was bad
She took a liking to you,
My so called loving Dad.
It then developed to sleepovers
With her in a fold out bed,
One time I came out and saw you
Under her quilt that was red.
Then there was the year of the teen formal
It’s the worst feeling in the world being blamed by your own mother for her stress. It hurts what doesn’t she think i have things going on to. That maybe i hide it so i don’t cause her more pain than i already have. Does she not think that maybe i just want a hug and to know that i can talk to her not just the blame every time i do something slightly wrong in her opinion.
I’m walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind. Don’t get too close it’s dark inside, it’s where my demons hide: drink until they stop screaming your name. I’m down to my last drink, time to sell my things. Pack my bags and never look back. Run a parallel line with the railroad tracks. Make my getaway. How the hell did it end up like this? Why wasn’t I able to see the signs that I missed and try and turn the tables? I would stand in the wind, I was free like water flowing down under the warmth of the sun. […]
I wanted to cut myself but I didn’t.
I never do.
It’s like I enjoy internalizing my pain for some sick pleasure.
If I’m depressed or sad at least I feel something—
otherwise I feel nothing.
Sands of hell, here at the end. Pray for me, everybody.
I am the Ho-Oh, and nowhere to land. The faith, is dying.
My name is dead Ash C’atchem, here in the belly.
My totem pokemon is the muk. My cherry pick was a bulbasaur.
Here, in the world. The journey, there is only one.
A venomoth flew in my eye today, I think that was good luck.
I will catch you next time, venemoth, and butterfree.
Man, life could be so beautiful, if simply so. Heal me.
A journey toward celestial, my name is dead Ash C’atchem.
The entire lower hands, my fated. My totem, […]
I am tired of waking up to the same day. My day is filled with emptiness and sadness. I love a man that will never love me back. His excuses exhaust me. “I love you” he says, then tells all of his friends “Oh, we are just friends”. He keeps himself open for a better prize. I have now loved 2 men in my life and gave 100% to each relationship. While in the relationship each man found love in the arms of other women. I forgave them, moved past it, but never fully trusted. I am now 30, I have given over 10 years […]