Its been a year now since my wife and I seperated. We have two beautiful children whom I adore very much. I moved here almost 10 years ago from another state after a string of failed relationships. I met my wife and married her almost eight years ago. It was great in the beginning, but first come children and then financial worries and somewhere along the way we began to grow apart. She left me for another man and when that didnt pan out she still felt she was better off without me. Now I have to work constantly to pay my bills and give […]
So words are kind of failing me right now, i’m not really sure what i’m intending to type in this post but i guess we will see where it goes.
I’m just struggling to keep caring, to keep on going and to give a shit about what i do with myself any more. I’m stuck in this fucking void of self hate and i only hate myself more for being stuck there because i have absolutely no right to feel this way. I just don’t know what i’m supposed to be doing anymore, i’m just such a fuck up and i get everything wrong. I’m […]
one must compare. Human life is evolved in a way we must compare to survive in the system
lets do it
1. Happyness- Rich people, Rich kids, unconcious people
2. Sadness- homeless, handicapped, slavery jobs
3. Lifestyle- if you satisfied with your lifestyle what about Obama, bill gates
4. Money- Warren buffet, Larry Ellison
5. Achievements- mark zuckerberg
6. Glamour- Justin bieber
What driving us to live a life?
if you know you are not even comparable to any of above people
–If you are in a system you are not a free man( unless you are powerful, rich, influential)
–If you are out of system and living alone you don’t have a life( because life is real when shared)
–A human is not worth living if he don’t have a life
–Only action a human can do to get freedom is suicide
I want to get better,but I got no one to help me…No one to care…No one to even ask me how much more I think I can go…
I want to die and I want to get better at the same time…I’m a nutcase,suffering from various mental problems,so I guess that is the reason most people tend to avoid contact with me…They’re afraid,but they’re wrong…The only person I’m a danger to is myself…I just wish someone was there for me again,like she was…She would always care,and I would do the same…We would support each-other through our struggles with mental disorders…We would fight together to live another […]
Wow, that’s about all I can say. It’s hard to believe I was about fourteen the last time I logged onto this.
I’m almost sixteen now. It’s scary how much can change even when you feel like you’re stuck in a rut, its terrifying honestly.
My childhood friend is getting married, my other ‘friends’ don’t even speak to me, and I honestly feel worse than I have in forever. My parents found out about everything going on with me, and they think everything is better now, that it just disappeared because the doctors said I was better.
I’m scared… I’m terrified of life, and I don’t know how […]
Im strung out on coke and weed. And all I can think of is that one day when I survived. I think about it everyday and wonder what I did wrong to have to survive in this world. I literally have everything yet I feel like I have nothing. I just want the pain to go away.
Thanks for taking the time to read my first post & comment so kindly. It’s not surprising that many of us are in agreement on the subject of making the conscious decision to put an end to what is for most of us the unending hell of constant emotional pain. (As I’ve tried to explain to mental health “professionals”, it’s like being trapped in a room engulfed in flame, and the only escape is to jump to your death.)
In my over 30 years of experience in being […]
I love you truly do deep down I just try my best not to feel it anymore. I know that we messed up equally that neither of us is solely to blame for this disaster. But I feel like I could have been better, tried harder, supported you more. I didn’t mind hurting myself or loosing myself but loosing you the idea of hurting you it kills me. Because I can accept failure in any other aspect of life just not with you. So to be honest I’m not ok, I’m not happy, I lied about everything that I’ve said. I do want you still, […]
To all my brothers and sisters going through rough times keep your head held high you made it to this point without failing.Hell something brought you to this website so theres got to be a reason youll still breathing. Find hope and learn to live happily i know shit always seems bad but youre strong enough to make it through. just think youve been through a whole lotta of other shit so you might as be able to withstan some more. find faith in yourself and bear through the storm youll be glad you never gave up. 🙂
Idk what he wants from me. He knows how to change my feelings every second. And it’s just pain to always be strong. Always show him I’m better now. It’s like he knows what makes me melt and what hurts me. And then at night. I get pushed to my limit and no one knows. No one ever will know.
Absolute reality, if it exists, doesn’t matter to the individual. What matters is the individual’s perception of reality because that’s all he or she knows. With that in mind, at what point does your subjective reality shift away from absolute (or should I say ‘collective’) reality?
This is what I mean: you might sleep about 6-10 hours a day, and the rest of the time you’re awake and conscious of reality. Well what if, through drugs or other means, you sleep 20 hours a day, leaving only 4 hours of “reality”? Do those 4 hours become insignificant?
I know what you’re thinking… of course not. Because our […]
I have never felt sad about a suicide. By the time I graduated high school, two of my best friends had killed themselves and even at that young age I never felt sad. Confused, yes. But in my heart I knew that suicide marks the end of a problem, and so… much like divorce in the case of an abusive marriage, it’s a good thing even though humans instinctively say “how awful”.
Humans at large cannot perceive the problem, so all they see is the solution which they don’t agree with. If you didn’t know that a woman was being mugged, and all you saw was […]
I often wonder if listening to depressing music is good for me by giving me something to hold on to or just serves to increase my sadness. I remember, even as a teenager, preferring that kind of music to the more upbeat and cheerful tunes, I listened to both but the darker lyrics seem to speak to me much more than any other. I remember a tune that really got to me back then, the lyrics about loneliness and isolation touched me and hearing it twenty five years later, they still do. I’ll continue to listen even if it has, perhaps in a small way, […]
this year i’ve noticed how many girls and boys have been hurt, and affected by peoples thoughts and words. i never really noticed it before, and it never affected me or my friends as well.
but now,
most girls think theyre fat and ugly, even boys too. which i dont get. everyone can be their own kind of beautiful. there should be no definition of beauty. alot of times, i see pictures of anorexic girls and boys online and people saying thats what perfect is.
then i see the same people saying society is fucked up and that creates the def of beauty and this and that and […]
Open them pig jowl’s up for me so I can force feed you the dirtiest and the foulest of truth.
The sickness begins in dreams. They nail you into place and lie and say “You can be anything you want to” and I hate you and I hate myself for believing it.
Truth is, dreams don’t come true and the only time you get your name in the paper is when you die! Obituaries, Gossip Column’s and the Entertainment page is all the same and to see it you just half to read between the […]
On June 15th 2014 my sister decided that there was no other way for her and ended her life.
That very sentence breaks my heart. It rocks me to the core every time i think of her.. No matter how many times i try to remember all the goods things the one thing that will always stick with me is that SHE decided to end it all in the time it takes to pull a trigger.
She had attempted to take her life in November of 2013 and before that we had had a terrible relationship, but at the thought of losing her forever I decided that […]
They say that you never forget your first love. This is a 1973 Dodge Dart with the slant 6 motor.
Fuck it all.
I tried to make my friends understand what I go through,and the harsh reality hit me:I had no true friends.They were only using me while I was still usable and now that I am going through a hard time,all of them,absolutely all of them,dumped me.
I miss the days when I was together with my ex-girlfriend.We were both struggling with extreme suicidal thoughts and depression,among many other mental illnesses,and we were supporting each-other through this shit.I guess now that she got better she doesn’t give a fuck about me anymore.That’s good…It’s good…It’s all fucking good…Wish you fucking luck with that German guy you are […]