This feeling of numbness takes over,
Emotions no longer exist,
No happy, no sad, no scared and no mad,
And the numbness I cannot resist.
It follows me around like a shadow,
It’s dark and gloomy and dull,
Like a storm cloud hovering over my head,
And the huge world around me makes me feel small.
Living is a struggle that cannot be compared,
And everyday things are complex,
But I manage to get around and do things I love,
Though to do them are difficult projects.
Day by day and night by night,
The numbness never leaves,
Depression is hard and it weighs me […]

Although I would never walk that same path, knowing the pain that will rein onto my loved ones. Being a heroin junkie drowned out my depression caged my thoughts with painful withdrawals and lifted me back up to clouds when I finally got that hit. No self-loathing no depression but at the very least a selfish reason for living.

Oracle, where are you. The apex, so- so long ago.
I have done my time. Now, faith is in the hand.
Do not defect me any longer. You, touch of life.
Grand goddess. Twist the codex, today. One, for transcendence.
A war of heaven versus hell, lost, our beginning.
It makes no sense. Fish, a world without a true leader.
Oh, other woman, take us to the land.
Carrying the boulder, of the world. Heal, to become strong.
But here, but now, forever lost.
Born to protect the world, now the devil’s.
We’ve exiled your alien, do not come back to our planet.
The star […]

Does anybody else think of jumping in front of a train every time you hear the sound of it or see it?

Think of jumping in front of every moving car? Crashing your car? Lying down in the freeway?

Think of jumping off every high height you see?

Think of stabbing yourself?

Think of hanging yourself?

Triggered into suicidal thoughts through anything you could possibly hurt yourself with?

Want to get a gun and shoot yourself and be gone forever?

How about every time an ambulance goes by, you think, why that person and not me? I want to die. Give me some way out, please.

Think of drowning and suffocating and water […]

I hate feelings. Why do I have to feel? Sometime I feel everything at once to the point where I end up having a mental breakdown or crying or hurting, but other days I feel nothing. I feel nothing and I don’t know how I feel and I want to get mad but I end up feeling nothing. So I don’t know what my problem really is now. I don’t know what’s worse either. Drowning in my own mind or dying from the thirst.

This is beginning to be too much. The world has been so dark and hopeless for the past year. I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me. I keep telling myself, “You’re fine. Get the fuck out of bed, and live your life.” only to discover that I have no motivation. I tell myself I do, but I don’t. After the stress, the tears, the panic attacks, the breakdowns. I can’t bring myself to admit that I need help. I don’t need help. I just don’t. I can’t bring myself to even talk to people anymore. Everyone thinks I’m mad at them, but ever since […]

I dream of a world where people can just try to understand each other, rather than judge them for their problems. A world where no one is criticized for who they are and what they love. Unfortunately, a world of peace doesn’t exist.
I dream that I am on my own planet, where there is no misery, violence, hatred or discrimination, with only my closest friends, family members, animals and people who get me. Like I said… I dream. If only dreams could come true for those of us […]

I looked into a moisture covered mirror, saw a empty reflection of me. I was bothered, I was aware, I was committed. I was not going to wake up from this one. Fabric in hand, slip knot created, over my head and around my neck. Firmly in place, other end put over the door edge, I was in the right place, I was going to watch myself in the mirror slowly hang myself to the end. Red to purple face, veins projecting strongly, eyes growing larger and redder, oxygen depleting, knees weakening. F this, something is keeping me from completing. Another attempt, another failure…Still I […]

Once upon a memory, a nightmare, yet a memory that still haunts me, I traced a horizontal line across my wrist. One, two, three, four times with a sharp object, breaking skin, stinging, causing a mild bleed. Fifth time, force applied, the sharp object went to and through my wrist and out the other side. I screeched in pain, I bit my lip, I sunk my teeth in, my eyes watered. I sat and stared at the damage I had done. That was the first time, more attempts followed…Still I endure…

…thinks the next world will be better than this one?

I’ve made up my mind I want to die, I don’t see the point my existence anymore. The only thing holding me back is my fear of the pain before I go, I don’t want to die thinking only of the pain I want to go while I’m thinking of my friends and family… Some of you reading this may question “if you have family and friends why do you want to die it’s pointless?” and the sad fact is that I simply give up, I give up fighting all these emotions and I give up to the pain and suffering hard times have given […]

Dear family friends and the love of my life,

I have finally hit the wall I cant do this anymore. The pain is just to much. I beg for a way out and this is I guess the only solution to my problems. Isaac I love you more than anything but you could do so much better than me. Please don’t mourn over my death and be happy with another girl.. Melissa my sweet little sister stay strong and don’t let them walk on you like I let them do to me. Mother and father you two are part of the reason I’m doing this. You […]

Short answers or no responses at all. That’s my social life. Sure it’s mostly all media but it really puts a damper on my social anxiety when I want to actually talk to people.

I hate living life and I just want to die.  But I don`t know how to effectively kill myself without fucking it up.  I cannot mentally survive.  This game of life is not for me.  It`s torture!  I don`t understand why we are not allowed to legally kill ourselves with help when we don`t want to live anymore.  Fuck!.  What`s the point of keeping people who are clearly unfit to live, who cannot function, alive?  Fucking cruel.  This life. This earth.  Is hell.  It`s a prison.  It really is. I don`t understand any of it.  Don`t want to participate in it.  Why can`t we get […]

Everywhere I go people have something horrible to say about me, whether it’s that I’m an idiot / retard / moron / ugly or disgusting… they just never have anything positive to say and lack the empathy or sympathy to understand how much it hurts. I have no chance of survival because is no way for me to escape emotional pain. Some people would laugh at me behind my back or right in my face and say things like “he’s the ugliest person I’ve ever seen” or “he’s a worthless piece of shit” and some things that people have said have really stuck with me […]

Hey everyone,

I’ve just registered to this site so I hope everyone can see this post as I’ve so read many good one aswell. I really need your intel about a problem that’s concerning my plan.

But first, my story (incase anyone would wonder).

I’ve recently turned 21, I would say that I have been granted everything in life, I really loved life. But four years ago something happened. I was in high school, my grades were going great and my dream was soon about to come true to enter my dream college… I got an disease, incurable and hereditary. This disese was the one that killed my grandfather […]

been a domestic servant today. clean this clean that. but i have a way to make chores a little bit more interesting. mother nature is big help. crank the tunes and ignore the whole outside world for a while. in psycho speak that means isolating. maybe, maybe not. i was focused on my task and was thankful i was alone. cleaning the bathroom is not always a pleasant job. but it was ok because i was flying and up the tunes some more.  while i know being alone so much isn’t much good for me but i am short on alternatives. none need not to […]

A quick disappointing blur. That is what my 23 years have been so far. Maybe it isnt worth dying over. Maybe its not that bad. I have always doubdted myself at every turn, ever since I was a young boy .When I learned that i didnt know my father because I am the product of a drunken one night stand. My biological father was not present because he had to take care of his REAL  family. I now have severe social anxiety, its impossible for me to talk to women, or most people for that matter. and I stay inside with my cats most days. […]

Anyone affected by my death,forgive me…

First of,I want to clear the fact that this is not an impulsive action.
I have been thinking about taking my own life for a long time now.This is NOT an impulsive decision.
I have tried to get better,but I failed…Only choice I got left is to start a new life…in the
afterlife…
I have tried to make people understand how I feel.Nobody cared.I guess I am a pathetic idiot,so there’s
no wonder people would not care.I mean,who would care about someone as pathetic as me?
I have tried to be a better person,and I failed.I failed as a son,I […]