New piece that Shakinbakin and I put together. I wanted to give him something that he could really sink his teeth into so I wrote a progressive-themed piece for him to play with. It’s sort of a new style of writing for me, for that reason, but I think it turned out well – mostly thanks the Shake’s incredible jamming out on the track, tbh.

Like normal, the poem is posted below for anyone who wants to read along.

>inb4 extend a metaphor much?

Orbit

A fresh sun dawns on the face of a new son
The opening refrain of a song as yet unsung
A race that’s not […]

I have an old friend who deals with suicidal thoughts on occasion. He told me today he was going to kill himself over the weekend but postponed until Wednesday. I know he has tried before so I have every reason to believe him. He said he tells me because I won’t judge and suffer from the same thoughts and failed attempts. Granted I never give anyone a “warning” to put them in a position to act or have to make that decision. I agree it’s a personal decision but when you bring other people into the mix the dynamic changes. So what do I do? […]

My mother was here a week or so ago for my kid’s bat mitzvah, as were my friends. She called today just to say, “hi,” something she never does. Hmm…must be that since she was a narcissistic **** all weekend which was noticed by all, she now has to do some damage control. Sorry, not going down THAT rabbit hole. Not this time. Fucking ****.

does that mean you don’t need to be suicidal?

So I attempted suicide in 2001? I would have succeeded if a certain someone didn’t stick his nose where it didn’t belong. Here I am 13 years later and find myself feeling exhausted and tired again. Life truly is cruel and full of evil and corruption.

Somewhere online today I read to wait 3 days before acting on my feelings; why wait?  Then I found myself here and don’t understand why I’m even typing this. All my letters are written, all important papers are out and on the kitchen table…… unless someone hands me the winning lottery ticket or changes whom I’ve become; my life will […]

“I can be very cruel.  I have been taught by masters.” — Catherine Sloper, as portrayed by Olivia DeHavilland in “The Heiress”

I decided  I won’t leave the site. Mostly out of loneliness. This past month has been an unbearable hell, losing two people I really, really cared for. I’ve been lost as to what to do with myself. I’ve been really battling just ending it, and now because I’ve been such a numb, lonely, distraught mess, I don’t even know if I deserve something as easy as suicide.

Maybe I deserve to suffer for another 60+ years. And I know people come and go out of your life, but too many people go and never come back. I literally have no one outside my immediate family (meaning only my […]

So some of you may remember one of my earlier posts where I talked about my jogging group and this girl I talked to. Even though the first time it was pretty awkward, we had some nice conversations over the last few times. And she even smiles or laughs sometimes when I say something funny (at least when I say something, I don’t say a lot though). And sometimes she falls back or speeds up to run next to me even if we’re not saying anything. And she always smiles and says good bye after the jogging. I know I suck at interpreting those “signs” […]

It’s all too fucking much for me…I seem to fail at everything.

I failed in school and high school

I’ve failed in love

I’ve failed at sports

I’ve failed to achieve a normal social life

I’ve failed to continue my musical career because of being a pathetic,self-hating idiot

I’ve failed as a son

I’m only a financial burden on my family,who’s still keeping my useless ass in high school,and for what?I’ll just end up working at a McDonalds for minimum salary and spend all my money on drugs.I know I’ll just disappoint them,like I do with everyone…

I disappointed them when they found out about my mental problems…They wanted a normal son,not this […]

Hey guys, it’s been a while. Just thought I’d update about my shitty life.

Well, the night before the last day of school was…interesting. I know I had tried to kill myself in the past. Multiple times. But this time…I could feel it. I felt calm. I felt ready. My head was clear and my decision had been made…My rents were out in the garage doing whatever and I was inside alone. I grabbed a total of 63 aspirin (I know probably could have grabbed something better) and downed at least 13 or 14 of them. I had made sure to read the bottle and it […]

I first had thoughts of suicide when I was six years old. I don’t know why or what triggered it. I just remembered, that there were reports of people committing suicide by jumping off buildings in the newspaper, and I was, for some reason, unhappy, and wanted to hurt myself.

I remembered bashing my head on the tiled floor of my room, then climbing up on a high chair and jumping off, hoping I’d snap my necks when I land.

I remembered banging my head on hard walls, like I am trying to silence screams filling up my head.

I remembered being at school, unhappy. My classroom was […]

Hey everyone. I’m 24 years old, currently in grad school.  I lead a relatively comfortable life except for a few cases of domestic violence (from family and partners) and a sexual harassment experience. I work, and I volunteer, and I have a few hobbies I enjoy.

But something I’ve been feeling lately leaves me hopeless, stuck, and miserable.

I’m working at an internship I hate. I thought I’d like it but I hate being in front of a computer for eight hours a day. The thought of working hard through college and grad school to just sit at a desk for the rest of my life sounds […]

Hello
How funny is this life I love sb but I have to run away from her.if you’re asking why because my last loves are dead and I don’t want to kill another person even I have no best friend because all of my best friends has gone somewhere not because of me but because of their destiny It’s silly but I have nobody to talk and love.

It hurts to love people that don’t love you back. To give everything you have to someone who wouldn’t hesitate to throw you away. But worst of all to be ignored because you are so insignificant to anyone in this world. But alone is how I’m used to ending up people always come and go and I’m tired of being the type of person that gives a shit. I want to not give a fuck I want to be the person that leaves that is horrible to people. Those are the people that have good friends that would jump to save them, they are the […]

Hello again. It’s been a long time, three or four years I think, since I was last here. I’m grateful for the rest at least.

I’ve fallen back into old thoughts, old habits. It’s scary how easy it is. Maybe ‘comfortable’ is the wrong word but it’s so … I don’t know it’s like shrugging on that threadbare jacket at the back of the closet the one you never wear in public but the one that makes you feel right. And the pressure is held back for a time because I know how to work within these boundaries, these battle lines are familiar. It’s me against […]

I don’t know where to start. I’m a girl, I’m 20 and I think I’ve completely ruined my life.

I have cheated on my boyfriend of three years several times when drunk. I had sex with one, and the others were kisses only.

what can I do? Well, I’ve told him. He forgave me. But I did it once more than he knows about. I don’t know what to do, I don’t think there’s any way out. I love him so much, I truly do. I don’t know why I do it when I’m drunk.

You can say it, I’m a complete *****. I know.

But guys, I think […]

Hello, my name is Carter. I’ve just joined SP but I have been visiting it almost daily just reading for about 4 months now…Well I will be 19 in august I have been suicidal for roughly 2 years now, I wrote the following note may 13, 2014. At this point in time I haven’t chosen a date or how I’m going to do it. I am posting the note now because it best describes my emotions.

Life takes to much effort , but death is to much work. Without doing anything life is my choice but it makes for a sad existence, at least with death […]

When I was on medication the side effects kept me awake and now that I’ve been drug-free for the past half year it’s pure torment that’s keeping me awake. All day I struggle to focus on anything then I crawl into bed and I ruminate over every single thing that’s happened and experience panic attacks over all the things I can’t change. I wonder why I stick around, I’m a useless piece of shit and should have ended my life a long time ago. I don’t know why I wait for some miracle. I have nothing of value.

Seeking the land, Ouroboros clan.
Planet going down, planet going down.
I am that I am, the one that I seek, am I the only.
Do you understand, in the hands of faith, Salvation.

All that I can say, is to repeat myself.
Vowed to celestial, a beast of hell.
My asphyxiating spirit, it hurts so much.
Forsaken, they call them the ‘Morlocks’.

From underground, one day, they escaped to the island of Genosha. A promised haven for the outcasts of the world, but it was a trap. There, they were captured and held prisoners as enslaved fugitives unable to reach back out to the world. It […]

These scars on my wrists
are from when I was pissed
uncontrollable anger
silent screams of unspoken words

I see stories
you see scars
lines of defeat
wounds of strength

Self mutilation feels better than you think
especially when your blood rises and your skin turns pink
constant competition between mind and body
both so weak you all you can do is fall

You say you “understand”
but nobody ever will
not even me.

-Harley