I cut while taking a bath tonight for the first time. For some reason it was so much better than cutting dry. The blood swirled around in the water, seeping from my skin. It was beautiful. I was almost hypnotized by it.

Also, nothing is better than going to bed with fresh cuts I’ve decided.

The past 8 years of my life I have progressively developed worse and worse depression. This past year has pushed me over the edge to wear I have gotten to the point I can’t deal with the pain anymore. The worst is I lost the love of my life because she didn’t think it was fair for us to never see each other. I waited 6 years to be wit hthis girl and for the past year and a half, I had her. I know this is probably really weak reason to be pushed over the edge, but she was the girl I wanted my […]

It’s  almost to a point where I wish I was dead just to end the nothing. The deadness inside. So much pain. Pain is all thats left. Pain and more pain. I cling to the pain like a life raft. I’ve shut out to feeling anything else. Its like being colorblind. More like LSD. Pain is like LSD. The colors are brighter more vibrant when tinged in LSD or pain. Every other feeling is like normalcy. It feels dull. The world just isn’t as vibrant. Happiness doesn’t feel as happy. Its tinged. It feels like the difference between color TV and black and white. It’s […]

For my dear Jeff…gone 16 years today – he couldn’t beat the demons of depression and addiction.  He was one of those incredibly beautiful people who was damaged and defeated by users, who ultimately tossed him aside when addiction took his physical beauty.  Rest my dear one…we will be reunited in the not-too-distant future.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdO6mW_B34M

Dear life, I am tired of being afraid.

I don’t care about anything anymore. It’s all just pointless now. I don’t care about life, about the future, about death, nothing. I gave up a long time ago. I guess if you immerse yourself in enough pain you eventually stop feeling it. But the problem is that I still do feel. It would all just be easier if I ended it all, but somehow I can’t get any access to anything lethal. I thought that all of this would eventually end when things got too bad to bear, but every time I hit rock bottom, somehow I […]

It’s like I’m ready to leave, and go away, and the you come back and drag me once again. I’m getting tired, Fucking hurts but I fucking Love it.

I cut because I want to feel. I want to feel the sting of the blade, and then you know how you’re arm feels limp and dead for a little? I enjoy that. I like running my fingers over my cuts, and feeling the bumps along the way down. I don’t cut my wrists; I cut my upper arm. My upper arm is like a journal now, telling stories of my pain, anxiety, and frustrations. I started cutting about a week ago, and I’ve already lost count of my cuts. I hate to say it, but you know when you read that some people get […]

It has come to my realization that I haven’t been engaging with you like I did a few months ago. I apologize for that. But I don’t feel the same anymore. I wish I could say that I’m the same. I wish I could say I’m doing better. But the truth is I don’t know. I have okay days, but then a moment crushes it. And then I just feel terrible. How am I? Honestly I don’t know. I’m sorry.

I’m just your average 13 year old girl. Trying to fit in with society. Trying to be perfect. But, perfection isn’t what I want anymore. I want to be saved.

In 6th grade (Last year) I was bullied. I cried to my teachers, principals and everything. They clearly didn’t care. Such names as Hoe, Slut, whore, ugly, fat, ugly, fake. I didn’t realize what I did to earn this. But, there was nothing I could do. I had about 15 good friends.

I have thought about cutting/ harming myself, but I haven’t. Not until this year.

Back in October, I was bullied even more. I cried every single day. I […]

This has been the longest weekend ever.

Everyday, something disappointing happens. And it just adds to the problems she already has.

Today is Sunday. A day that is meant for rest before the new week begins. But she cannot rest, in fact she is restless…and this is the most restless she has been since she started considering suicide.

A moment ago she picked up a pen and then stared at her wrist. She thrusted the  point of the pen to her wrist, but stopped before it hit it. “What if I just punctured it. And started bleeding to death.”

With the news she received yesterday, she just can’t take it […]

Two days ago I did my first “test”.In other words I just checked everything in order to assure I’ll be able to commit suicide in the day I chose.I highly recommend those ones who are planning to kill themselves to do a “test” first.For example, my parents had went out when I was testing and I thought I was alone, but suddenly a neighbour came in and I almost got caught trying get the gas tank to my room (In our neighbourhood things work like this, everyone can enter the other’s house and just say : “I’m coming in!”.We’re big friends).So, the gas tank contains […]

There should be no time. I should not continue.

Life has always pushed me right to the edge and sometimes over the edge but just enough to let me cling. It’s hard its exhausting I have given up and sometimes still want to. I don’t really love myself or care about myself, I just try to make decisions with my best interest or to my benefit I guess. But I’m empty and inside me is a pain so great that everyday lately it’s a battle to try to keep it boxed up. It sucks to be this way to be aware of the pain your hiding and feel numb to not care if you […]

There’s going to be people in your life
People who will judge you
People who will hate you
They will tell you you’re not good enough
That you don’t deserve to live
That you are not loved
That everyone wants you to die
That no one cares about you
That everyone hates you
And you’re going to believe them
Your self esteem and confidence will go down
People will constantly tell you hateful things
Over and over and over and over
Until one day you finally break under the hate
The day you can’t take it anymore
That day can either be good or it […]

Wonder-Woman. Flash. Green Lantern. Batman. They all fought, when it blasted down to Earth. We were all waiting for that sound. It was bound to hit during the summer, through the oracle’s guide. It was crazy, man. I’m telling you. With the powers and magic of Zatana, and others of the highest kinds. We were able to slowly evacuate the civilians in circumference, the city area, as much as we could, but not everyone was safe, the city cluster was much too vast. For it was foretold of the exact area in location where it would hit down. The “Central City.” Of mass. In his name […]

Always wishing to find the beautiful sound. Oh, man.

The zenith, taken from me. Never echoing through oblivion.

I am transmorse, the metal horse. Cyborg was my cherry pick.

Ultra blast, to the max. Robin, by my side. My life.

I wish to exist in reality.

Spitting in tunes of the lost vibes. Always wishing, to find the next beautiful sound.

Silence. Take me through the valley. Take me to the “Bat Cave.”

For my life. Will you be my Robin. Or the fate of Nightwing.

The song… was the last track.

The title sounds like … Grace Mary.

So beautiful…

Nice to meet you. Or really, everyone on Suicide Project. I have been reading several stories for the past few days, and… I love this place. It’s a place where we suicidals can tell what is going on in our dark, lonely, minds. We suffer mentally, really. We are doing so much wrong, but it feels do damn comfortable. Well, this sounds like quite a thing you guys have here. I’m Poison. This world has me going mad; to the extent of cutting my own damned skin! Anyone else really tired and sick of society’s crap? Cause then you are welcomed to be my friend. […]

I have a really fuckin’ stupid idea that worked really well for me.

Step 1. Get colored dot stickers; green, blue, and red.
Step 2. Strategically place the dots EVERYWHERE
Step 3. Identify the meaning of the dots
Green: focus on slowing and deepening your breathing
Blue: Say something nice to yourself
Red: Stop to think of something I am thankful for
Step 4. Do what the dots say…. Practice.

See, told you it was stupid, but it reminds us to calm down, be kind to ourselves, and be less anxious. What have you got to lose? Might as well give it a try.

done with life.