Well, I’ve got the MRI to check out my knee on Thursday. Either they’ll find something they can fix and I’ll have surgery so I can walk for the first time since January, or they won’t find anything and it turns out that I just have severe nerve damage without anything they can fix and I won’t be able to walk using my own strength ever again. Â At least this doc was honest with me.
Hey, I’m sixteen years old (almost seventeen) and I just really can’t cope anymore. I have no reason to live.
I’ve not had friends in years. Nobody wants to talk to me unless they want something off of me. And because I want friends really bad, I just let them use me, but then they leave. I guess I could say I have abandonment issues. I’ve been basically abandoned my whole life.
I don’t exactly have a family either. Well, they’re there, but I don’t even exist to them unless they want something from me (usually money) Which yes, sounds oddly strange since I’m only 16, but […]
“maybe tomorrow will change my mind…”
“maybe tomorrow will bring something i can’t predict or foresee, that will be worth the wait, and all the lost time…”
“maybe i don’t have to go yet, and maybe tomorrow won’t be as bad as it always seems to end up being…”
But… probably not.
Maybe i’m tired of deluding myself in the name of survival… since survival itself seems to be a detrimentally fruitless endeavor.
If i have to go through the mental acrobatics of deluding myself intentionally… i need to gain something worthwhile, to justify doing that. But that doesn’t seem to ever happen.
So i keep thinking…
“maybe tomorrow…”
…Once you realize this, life becomes a bit easier to bear. The truth is, whether you asked to exist or not doesn’t matter. Whether you have a loving family, a good circle of friends, and a boy/girlfriend doesn’t matter. If you’re poor and suffer from some physical impairment, that also doesn’t matter. Why not, you ask?
Simply because life isn’t fair. Some people are born ahead of others, whether they’re subjectively ‘good’ people or not. Some people just suffer their whole lives for no reason at all.
The universe doesn’t give a fuck about your happiness. So if you’ve been holding out and hoping things are going […]
Theres no point in anything you do, in 200 years u will be forgoten No God No right No WRong, No karma, and the world is fucked
We are all put on the earth for something. Why give up now? Yes, your weak, you got fired, you hate your job, your significant other left you, your family doesnt listen to you, you get bullied, you arent good enough, etc…But does that mean give up? Today? Right now? No. You wake up with a positive attitude, Â say I am going to be strong if your weak, Put on your best outfit and find a job if you lost yours, Go to work and kill them with kindness if you hate it, say Fuck That ***** if your partner left you , if your […]
I’m positive that feeling alone is universal, but that seems to be the force behind my depression. Like being together with people yet being isolated. As if I purposely hold myself back from being alive or living metaphorically of course. To me life is punishment. ironically I am a hypocritical hypocrite. I say I hate stuff and then I do that stuff and hate myself for hating to do it will hating myself for thing my self. Did any of that make sense? Self loathing comes and goes a lot, but I sit here thinking of obscure ways to end it all….and I stare at my […]
My mind says no,
my soul says yes.
I just want to end my life,
which method is the best?
My mother is oblivious of the things going through my head.
As much as everyone loves me,
I know I’m better off dead.
I used to sing my heart out,
I used to have a “stage.”
I used to belong,
then I realized I didn’t really have a place.
My friends can’t see that I’m in so very deep.
They say I’ll be okay,
I just cry myself to sleep.
I know that someday I’ll never need to weep,
because I’ll be dead, instead of being a useless human being.
I stay hidden, away from the world.
Unseen, unheard of.
No one is here, no one can find me.
I will stay, as my life is taken.
As I noticed, I’m left alone.
I wonder if someone will find me.
My body is getting as cold as stone.
I wonder, what is wrong with me?
I lay on the ground, looking at the sky.
These clouds are only dark above me.
I will stay […]
When you truly know and love somebody it can be frustrating watching them throw away all their potential, but this is NOT your problem, it is theirs. You can only express your opinion on the situation; you cannot force it down their throats. This is something they must personally accept and consciously work towards. You forcing your beliefs down their throats is only going to cause resentment and manifest an opposite effect.
The water is clear
But your wrists are stained
Your face says happy
But your eyes say pain.
this has happened once before
the world is closing another door
perhaps tonight
I’ll lose this never ending fight
my wrists will bleed
but done is the deed
I won’t cry this time
my dear, I am not fine
i wish you only knew
what I’ve been going through
don’t you dare pretend you miss me
the hour here is three
and I’m waving goodbye
see you on the flip side
She claimed to be an artist
it wasn’t until two weeks later.
i found her.
Laying on the bathroom floor
crimson red carving on her canvas.
Rivers stain you, rivers are damp
acid stains you, drug ps cause cramps
guns aren’t lawful, nooses give
gas smells awful , might as well live.
A locked door, a rusty razor, a towel stained in red.
A folded note, a broken mirror, and a young girl lays there dead.
Their emotions tangle, the room begins to swirl she was mommy’s little angel
and daddy’a little girl
People can just really screw you over sometimes. Each and every person is capable of being disloyal, dishonest, fake, or cruel. so why take the risk? If there is any possible chance that someone will leave or lie or whatever, why go to them for help?
Youre all you’ve got in the world.
Theres nothing that scares me more than the word “alone”. Whenever I hear this, my heart speeds up a bit. I think that’s my biggest fear: being alone. But I am. I can’t trust anyone but myself. And I can’t even trust myself in some situations. It’s terrifying. I am unpredictable. And maybe that […]
I think about it all the fucking time. It would be easy to end the pain, suffering, and self hate that I feel daily. No more depression. No more cutting. Just ignorant bliss. I don’t know what will happen but I do know it would be better than the misery I live now. I can’t live with myself. I am “living” in a constant hell and it’s killing me; it’s actually slowly driving me insane. So the question is how will I do it? There are so many different options; hanging, suffocation, drowning, slitting my wrists, overdose, jumping, electrocution and so much more. I’ve written […]
I don’t even know WHAT to feel. Much less HOW I feel