A little over a year ago I met the love of my life. We had everything in common, he made me laugh, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. For a few months, he seemed to be in love with me, too. But after a few months, he just lost interest in me. He stopped wanting to have sex and acted like he was annoyed of me and that I was a chore. We broke up and 2 months later he was dating someone else. The girl he started dating is beautiful, smart, and has lots of friends. They are […]
Fuck fuck FUCK! I didn’t nearly gather the courage. There was this really sweet and kind NCO, who had been there since the beginning, and I trusted well enough to tell. But fuck me, I didn’t have the courage to talk about it. She often seemed understanding, and I usually tell people I trust everything. The squadron is my family, and I am undoubtedly going to tell someone. I know they could easily help me. If I’m FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK alive by then, then I will. I’ve always secretly liked her, so that doesn’t help for FUCKING SHIT.
I deserve rest and peace. Please. why, I might do it tomorrow but tonight im to tired. Goodnight everyone. If I do it will be responsibly done quick and easy. Of couse I have Bi polar, of course I suffered childhood trauma, of course I attempted before, of course I cut, of course I have gambling and drinking problems. shit paranoia is the worst. I have paranoia disorder.
I think I need glasses cause I keep seeing some people with two faced… >.<"
I hate two faced people.
It’s so hard to decide which face to slap first…
la mort est belle
présenter dans les ténèbres
présenter dans l’abîme noir
présenter dans le néant
la mort est inconnue
essayer de rejoindre
essayer d’obtenir de l’aide
essayer de parler aux gens
la mort est un adieu
dire au revoir
rien que des mensonges
alors qu’ils réalisent
la mort n’est pas comme la vie
“la vie est courte”
que si vous le faites à court
peut-être je vais raccourcir la mine
la mort est étonnant
son évasion, oui permanent
mais est une évasion
un au revoir attristant que
death is beautiful
submit into the darkness
submit into the black abyss
submit into the nothingness
death is unknown
I wish you cared like you told me you did.
I so desperately want to tell you what’s in my head, how I want to end my life, how all I really want is your help.
I need you, right now. But I’m too scared to let you know.
I have a plan.
I have a date.
I have the materials.
All I need is the courage.
Reaching out
Is difficult
Getting help
Is difficult
Why?
You ask.
I don’t know.
I reply.
Sitting there
Just talking
A serious
Solemn talk
Why?
They ask.
I don’t know.
I reply.
Talking about
Things like
My feelings
My thoughts
Why?
He asks.
I don’t know.
I reply.
A silence
A terrible
Tension filled
Dark silence.
Why?
She asks.
I don’t know.
I reply.
They stare
At me
With bewilderment
Surprised faces
Why?
All of them ask.
Because
I reply.
She cries because she knows I have plans to end it, but I can’t bring myself to tell her she is the reason I’m still alive and the reason I’m so close to dying. She doesn’t want me to die…but the mindset is in place and I don’t know what to do.
I really i’m kind of confused about this. It’s a suicide project, and even when I definitely don’t want to hurt or kill myself, I feel like i’m dying slowly. My disease is tedium, a horrible boredom that I can’t wash away. The worse thing is probably that I can’t explain what I feel, the best expression probably is: I feel like a scab.
I was looking for some help, but the thing is how can somebody help me if even I can’t tell what is going on. It’s probably the nearest thing to “nothing”. “Nothing” is taking away anything from me. So I went […]
Hey I’m new to this website and I think I might be in the right place. So a little bit about myself… Well, I’m a cutter and I have tried suicide about 5 times already. My mom told me that if I really wanted to die, I would have succeeded already. And my dad told me that he would help me by getting the pills or talking to a doctor to put me down… So, I might make rants or post the suicide notes/letters I wrote on here. Maybe if I try again, I’ll post. Anyway, bye everyone… For now.
I have deep depression. I fought it for years. then my meds wearing down without me realizing. was going suicidal before I…the only word I can think of is “forced:-I forced myself to confide in my parents…
from there I eventually started looking for support-in a few very close friends, in my siblings. I got aggressive in making the hurt and sadness disappear.
this isn’t the point and I don’t want to get sidetracked.
the point is im sick of it. just sick. revolted. tired. world weary.
eventually my supporters took my happier demeanor for granted. I was looking for more responsibility and was up and about more-but it […]
I came home to visit my girlfriend today and to get some business done. But now as the day is ending I’m feeling the stress and panic of everything is coming down on me. I’m so upset that I didn’t bring my razor blades I could’ve felt better tonight. I feel out of control without my blades with me I feel like my emotions can’t be managed without them. Ugh. I’m pulling my hair out I’m so damn anxious and on edge!
Today I started to cut. It feels like the right thing to do. I was going to do it on my arms but I decided to do it on my hip instead. The pain is bad but the cuts are good, though I feel like a mess. I keep shaking every time it think about self harm, it’s like the shakes you have when you’re cold, they’re hard to stop. My hip is badly hurting now. I’ve had racial comments made at me today. Some by my “friends’” boyfriend, but her and all her friends that were supposed to me my friends are sticking up […]
have a nice social buzz going what better time to reach out? today is an anniversary of sorts for me. one year ago today i got felt up by a cop in front of an office full of people. checking for the gun i had recently purchased. in my state i had to wait 3 days to get it. so therefore i didn’t have it yet. the whole incident was traumatizing. and in after thought was a mistake. should have learned to keep my mouth shut. i really don’t know what i was hoping to accomplish. my stay at the nut hut was a waste […]
Time is ticking away on my deadline because I’m going damn near insane. Yet I make every excuse to stick around and to hope for things to get better. What a fucking waste. I’m at a point where I satisfied with dying. I still don’t feel like I don’t have much to live for and I’m wasting away (it feels like it). I can sense the slight frustration my mom is having with my unemployment (it’s been a ***** to find a job). Two degrees + debt = biggest waste and regret of my fucking life. I understand her in everyway. I turned and looked […]
This is my first ‘story’ on here, and quite frankly I don’t really get how to navigate this whole thing.
But that’s not what I’m on here to talk about.
Nobody in my family that is close to me has died. I mean, my great aunt and my mom’s cousin’s dad died, but nothing effecting me too much. I’m not poor, my parent’s aren’t divorced, and I have a relatively happy and functional family.
If your still reading this, and you haven’t clicked out because it looks like im trying to brag about what i have, thanks. Because I’m not bragging.
I want to die. See now, that’s the […]
Everything I do is wrong
I, my life perspective is “bad”
I befriend “bad” people
I listen to “bad” music
I do things “wrong”
I dress “wrong”
I talk “wrong”
Everything I do is wrong
The way how I live is wrong
The way how I care for people is wrong
The way how I worry about people is wrong
Why?
Why is it wrong?
Why can people not accept that who I am is who I am?
Everything I do is wrong
I am a mistake
I am not supposed to live
I am not supposed to be here
I really don’t know what to do anymore.
Some call it a phase of life, others just a small crisis.
But I don’t know and I actually dont care.
I feel empty. Nothing excites me. I don’t have goals and no matter how much I search, I just feel that I will be put down.
Everything I do is put down. I got support, but what does that count? They wont be there forever.
I wonder, why was I born? I feel empty. Don’t feel joy actually and just waste my life.
I tried many times to kill myself, stabbing, hanging, drowning and even throw myself infront of a train or […]