I don’t say how I’m feeling to my friends. They’re all too busy with their everyday life to even focus on me, I know that this sounds a little self centered, but I’ve told my friends how I really feel, and I usually get the same response: ”What is so bad in your life?” ”What is happening that makes you feel this way?” ”What is so wrong?” They don’t get it. I don’t feel this way to impress them. I don’t hurt myself to entertain them. I don’t do it for anyone, because they don’t get how dark it is in my head, they don’t […]

When I first started dating I was excited thinking I could my “True love” yet every time I find a woman that I actually care for she disappears from my life. Every time that happens a crack goes on your heart the more your heart cracks the closer it comes to braking permanently. I’ve had so many brake ups in my life a good amount of them I really didn’t care like they only lasted a week and sexual things happened everyday with those girls but the women I cared for is a different story. When I care for a women and think I “found […]

most of my friends are not really my friends, or are poor ones. That’s ok, im my own best friend anyway…

I am scared, and confused.
I wonder why the voices won’t leave my head.
I hear them talking all around.
I see them when I try to sleep.
I want to get rid of them.
I am scared, and confused.

I pretend that they’re not there.
I feel their presences, it gives me chills.
I touch my mind to erase what I’ve seen.
I worry that they will be around me forever.
I cry because everyone thinks I’m crazy.
I am scared, and confused.

I understand that medicine won’t take them away.
I say that medicine doesn’t help to my doctors, but they don’t understand.
I dream […]

At any moment I could go
At any moment I could leave
At any moment I could die
At any moment I could stop
At any moment I could submit

I could let go
I could not care
I could break more
I could stop loving
I could hate you

But I cannot let go
But I cannot not care
But I cannot break more
But I cannot stop loving
But I cannot hate you

Why? I can’t let go of you.
Why? I can’t not care about you.
Why? I can’t break anymore because I’m already broken so much.
Why? I can’t stop loving you no matter […]

The quote is from a favorite show… it rings true right now.

I can’t see going out in my home and leaving a mess for everyone to clean up. I’ve failed at everything I ever set my hand to do in this life, so I would at least want my death to be beneficial. I would want a good death.

I’m thinking about life insurance policies and how I could go out so there would still be a payout. Maybe vigilante style, and make sure to end up near a hospital so there’s time enough for my organs to be donated.

Honestly I would prefer a heroic death. Charging into bullets, saving somebody, something. Maybe […]

Just a song I found that expresses how I feel towards my sister:

You’re too mean, I don’t like you, fuck you anyway
You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs
It hurts but I won’t fight you
You suck anyway
You make me wanna die, right when I

*Song: Afraid by The Neighbourhood*

many times have i told myself that i will succeed in life and be a good person but there’s that voice in my head that bullies me from day in and day out. “you’re no good.”,”that girl is laughing at you right now for being such a retard.”,”Why are you even alive?” questions just flow through my head like nothing. i don’t understand how people expect me to succeed academically when i cant get my mind straight. I get it that school should be my only focus right now but at the same time how can i focus when i have therapy after school, […]

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Think about it. Are the problems that you want to end by suicide that awful and permanent that nothing could alleviate them? Although you may not think so now, you will recover from your problem or problems and live out the rest of your life happily. There are no problems in this world that can be solved by suicide.

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When you are thinking rationally, try to think of solutions to your troubles that are constructive, and that will help ease the hurt you’re going through. The person attempting suicide doesn’t truly want to die — instead they just want the pain to stop.

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If there’s someone who […]

Originally I wanted to post some thoughts on alt.suicide.holiday but I cannot seem to get the narkive account to do anything. Everytime I try to post, I gets 403 error saying there was spam with my post. Oh well, some of the regulars there are a real kick in the pants like The Colonal Eric Paul Burke from Northville, Mi.

What drives me crazy is the perfect conditions that need to be present to take the plunge. If I’m too depressed, there is absolutely no way I can attempt ending it all. If I’m in good spirits, I want to do other things. Its very rare […]

not sure what sociopathical syndrome it takes for someone to come to a forum like this and try to push people over the edge for fun. but please get rid of him, it’s the last thing this site needs.

People facing “willing” death always tremble before jumping in front of train or from a building. Even it is sure, fast and free of charge. Then some maybe try to provide themselves a little bit of privacy in their last moments, but gazing in the eyes of death with strangulation or hanging (maybe newbies trying cutting and pills) that is really scary, even if your will to die is strong.

Yesterday tried hanging, after quite planning, found nice strong easily accessible tree in an abandoned forest (which is feat on its own) and that stupid rope teared itself up. I am no light weight, but tried the […]

you try to act normal
you don’t want them to know
too ashamed to tell them
you don’t let it show

they think your happy
they think your fine
you try to keep it up
emotions walking the line

you don’t want anyone to ask
yet you wish someone would
you wish someone cared
you wish they could

she doesn’t like you
you don’t blame her though
you don’t like yourself
she still doesn’t know

when they find out
(cant keep it up much longer)
you give in to guilt and shame
and wish you were stronger

I had typed several paragraphs and this sight deleted a good portion of it. Thank you suicide project for driving that final nail into my coffin.

Fuck the world.

Throughout my life I’ve been rather fearless but there are a couple of things that always scared me – death by suffocation or drowning and being burned to death. Maybe it’s the fact of having no control in the moment. Like being trapped in a burning car or having something heavy fall and being pinned to the ground, unable to breath or fight in any way.

But last night I had a dream. In this dream there were no circumstances or long, drawn out situations. Just the perception of burning; burning away all my useless flesh and taking my physical pain and disabilities away with it. […]

ok i typed a book here a bit ago, but apparently it was in the wrong place.  figures..  ok breifly now then here is my story so yall can tell me i have so much to live for.

have never completed any thing.  highschool i got my ged, army i took medical discharge, college went for 1 semester got screwed by student loans and now 7 years later i still owe 3x the original ammountand my tax returns for the last 5 years have been taken to go towards paying them.  the longest ive ever had the same job is 1year.  ive been homeless3-9 months out […]

I wish…
I want…
I…
You…
It’s complicated…

Im ready to be done, with constant hurting and sadness. Ive been broken for years and I cant be fixed. I want to end this. But i cant hurt people. I cant hurt my family and friends. Im so miserable. I cant do this anymore, but i can let go.

I have no bonds with people. I’ve been abused and alienated. Deep depression, constant  migraines, always tired, can’t concentrate or think straight, memory issues. I’m chronically stressed.  People are just rude and hateful and judgmental and prejudice.  I’m in a town with very little opportunity literally just a dozen different places to work, with no transportation.  I’m living in poverty which means basic needs go unmet. It sucks everyday is a struggle. Nobody to help me out, don’t qualify for state benefits.

Cleavername is super Awesome!!!