I never thought I would actually get to this point. School’s shit. Can’t even hug my girlfriend without getting into trouble. Barely any friends to talk to. My dad’s pissed cause we started arguing about me bringing my girlfriend home. Apparently, I didn’t get a yes to bring her home. I just wanna die. I’m basically a slave in my own home, can’t do anything anywhere else. I feel pointless. After the next band concert, I’m ending it.

I’m being watched. Constantly. Every one sees everything, yet how is it that they don’t understand?

i hung in there with you through thick and thin..you threw me away now im the one thats left wondering why and what i did so wrong for you to walk away like what we had meant nothing to you.
you are just like the rest taking what you want and giving nothing, i actually loved you so fucking much it hurt me everyday.
why cant i just be accepted or find happiness i cant remember the last time i smiled and meant it..ah well the world wont have to put up with me for much longer!

I’m ready to give up

Last week I felt pretty bad, and for some reason I asked my crush of a couple years ago why she didn’t like me. I know, stupid. But anyways, turns out her cousin which I knew as well had a crush on me and that’s why she wouldn’t date me, because she didn’t want to upset her cousin. Wtf? I mean, girls never like me, that’s like general knowledge. And this one damn time it actually happens, it ruins everything. Not that I would want to blame her cousin, she cant control it as much as I cant. But why? Am I so unlucky? Is […]

I am sick of this world. I have so many great things In my life, so many great people but I can’t appreciate them, I can’t even be happy with them, i only cause them pain, so why do I deserve to be here? I see a therapist, he put me on antidepressants and sleeping meds, I hate taking those pills, makes me feel like I’m crazy, everybody asking me how I am, like a child.

My friends are starting to get fed up, they say they arnt but I’m not stupid, I can tell, I am throwing it all away. My family don’t know me […]

Have you ever thought about who you are?
The way you are?
That noone will ever love you because of that? I have. I’ve come to realize that its useless to change things about yourself for others. Whats the point? Arent people supposed to love you despite all your flaws? At least its what I’ve learned from watching television.

I am in my early twenties and never been loved. Trapped in an endless loop of thoughts without an exit. It’s really painfull. I cant look at people sometimes because my mind is telling me what the person is thinking about me, and its never something nice. […]

If you were someone outside yourself looking at the person you are now, if you knew how badly “you” were suffering and knew what words & actions, if any, could ease the pain, if you knew “your” mind so well that you wouldn’t waste a minute doing the useless things that others try unsuccessfully, and most importantly if you really cared about “you” and would never give up, would you be able to save “you”?

You would always know exactly what to say. You would always understand exactly what’s going on. You would know exactly what would bring out a smile, a laugh, or that rare […]

As we contemplate suicide or even go about living our day, all kinds of thoughts and “voices” clutter our minds. It is important to ask yourself… Whose Voice are you listening to?                                                                                                      Watch “Story 2013” on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNbKbMIjLvU

Pushing 50 and have discovered (though known all along) that work is all I am. I had two real goals in life: have a job I would do for free and marry my best friend. I got the great job and then really set out in pursuit of that best friend. Along the way, not only did I fail at goal #2, but I found I simply lost interest in life, thus losing my love for my current (or any other) job.

Today, at work, it has really been brought home to me how badly I’ve fallen down on things at work. I’ve had the means […]

Seriously, where are you at? Reply!  Let me know people can actually care about each other unconditionally.

I let people down in my life, i don’t have my a h.s diploma, or a ged. i let myself down, i’m 23 now, i don’t have a job, i am on probation for 6 years for something so stupid that i did 4 years ago.. i feel like such a failure, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me, she’s the smartest and most beautiful person in the world, people tell her she could be a model. i was so happy to have her, she told me i never changed, i used to drink every night, i have anxiety, i’m afraid to go […]

Sometimes I just wish, I could run away and hide.
No matter where I go though, these feelings stay inside.
How can I stay here and live each day a lie,
When all I want to do is close my eyes and die?
I see the pain I cause you, with every tear I shed.
I plead with you now mum, let me go instead?
I wish I could take you with me, to a happy place,
Whether it exists though, is time for me to face.
Can I ask for your forgiveness? For you to set me free,
It may seem ungrateful, but this […]

In other words, what stops you all from making the final act? Is it fear? Your faith? Lack of “resources”? Lack of energy?

I’ve always wanted to have kids someday. Four to be exact. I know what you’re thinking, that’s a lot of kids. Well yes, but I love children and I’ve always wanted to have two of my own and to adopt two. I want to spoil them and love them as much as possible. I want to give them the world! But today, I stopped and I thought about the little boy or girl I’ll bring into this world someday.. and I realized I didn’t want that for them. I dont want want my children to grow up in such an ugly, hurtful world. I never want […]

Have you ever felt like you were surrounded by darkness? A darkness so deep and pain so real that you just want it all to end? Have you ever felt like the world would be a better place without you in it? How about that you are so worthless that if people really knew who you were they would hate you as much as you hate yourself? Do you have a plan to end your life? Have you given up all hope? I have! Depression is real and the pain is intense, but there is hope —  Watch “Story 2013” on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNbKbMIjLvU

what was i, what have i become. i am only getting more and more corrupted. i wanted to, didn’t i? when i couldn’t find a way out of it, i decided to get more into it. taste of lie, taste of corruption!
“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” – Dostoevsky
i wanted to test it. and i was so confident […]