I was told about this site and I was told it would help. I just really need someone to talk to.

Daily i wish i could find a way to kill myself. Tired of this life. You trust people with all your heart and they end up back stabbing you. You lose hope from humanity. There is nothing that can give you hopes to survive. I have put all my heart my life on a person. fought with my parents ignored my friends and at the end now i am left here all alone. I cant explain to people what happened and why. He still comes to me to say he cares but he likes someone else. tricky.. i get hopes and and then next minute […]

I’ve been spending the last few days with relatives. You know, for the holidays. I gotta say I’ve been having fun. Maybe it’s because the burdens of my MDD feel lighter. It’s quieted because I’ve accepted my suicide. I’m happier because I know in about two weeks I’m going to be gone. I know this happiness can’t last and once they leave it’ll all be back. But I’m at peace with my decision. I’m just happy to be done with the world and my failure of a life.

I feel so lost maybe this is what people call a mid life crisis.  I don’t know if I am really suicidal or just depressed. It is just hard to imagine continuing life the way it is indefinitely. So I figured I would tell my story and maybe get some advice.  We come from a small town in the Southern US what is typically refered to as the bible belt. So growing up that was all I ever expected and all I wanted. To fall in love and get married and have a family. Things seemed to work out perfectly.  I met my husband in […]

The depression, the insanity, it all hit me hard, down into the ground. It all started happening again a month ago. I was doing better. I have become worst than I have been in months.  The voices in my head became louder, the nightmares became horrid, the blade is waiting there for me, AND the stress just sitting there own my shoulders. “Maryjane” has been my only friend there for me. I just cant do whatever this is anymore. I don’t even  know what to do anymore. I wish I had the courage to eventually to just end it all. But, I’m hanging in there. 

I just want to tell them. I want to tell my parents that I’m not ok. That I self harm. That I’m always bored. That I feel worthless. That I’m just not fucking happy. But I don’t know whether I should or not. Should I wait and tell my counselor first? The next time I see her though is in 4 weeks. Should I just tell them like right now? I’m going to make them so upset. I’m going to ruin everything, it’ll be all my fault. But I can’t handle this everyday. I can’t handle laying in bed all day doing nothing because I’m […]

I’m tired.  Tired of life.  Tired of everything.  I’ll breathe a sigh of relief once the holidays are over.  I  feel like you’re “supposed to be” all happy and thankful around the holidays.  Sorry I don’t lead a normal life.  I don’t feel that way and I don’t want to be forced to.  Ridiculous.  So done.

When I talk about my feelings to him.. I feel like he’s going to leave me I know I’m just being parinoid but still it’s on my mind when he asks me how I am and I feel bad if I lie but I feel even worse when I tell the truth. My thoughts are starting to get really bad again an I’m not even going to try and stop them hopefully ill be done soon and won’t burden anymore people

Recently I got out of the hospital. They prescribed me a myriad of pills from an ssri to a metabolite anti-psychotic. I can’t think straight. I can hardly gather my thoughts. I feel so out of order; I feel like I am going to snap. Some of it could be sleep deprivation, but at the same time I just feel so out of control. Feels like my thoughts race everywhere except a logical point. I recently saw my dying grand father, and I found I felt almost nothing. I had no pity looking over an emaciated man’s body who will just die in days.

I feel […]

I’ve said many times on here that I would NEVER have children….but I know if I did I would be the perfect parent….how do I know this you ask? because I would only have one rule….what kid or teenager wouldn’t love to live in a home with only one rule?…..and that sole rule would be….”if it doesn’t hurt anybody else its okay”….meaning if you do something to yourself…okay fine you only hurt yourself…but if you  aren’t doing anything to hurt anybody else then its allowed….that would be the only rule in my household because it encompasses everything that is good there is no possible way […]

I was having a good day until my husband called freaking out about the bank account.  I take care of the finances and try to involve him, but he always balks.  When he came home I showed him everything including a detailed analysis from mint.  From there it went into him saying I need to get a full time job.  I lost my good marketing job in 2009.  After 4 years of searching I found a part-time hourly job at a crappy little place.  He keeps saying “I know you can do better.”  I try to explain the anxiety and depression that run through me […]

It is becoming apparent that mentally ill people do not end well and the same will probably happen to me. Meaning they die an unjust, untimely, and painful death. At least that’s what happened to people around me.

But is there such thing as a ‘good’ end? Please read on.

Story number one. Yesterday I learned that Aunt Sally’s brother, who is schizophrenic died in a Christian nursing home. Cause of death was heart attack. Here’s the flipside: the man had diabetes and hypertension. And yet the nursing home was feeding him (and other patients, they later found out) with overdose of antipsychotics. This is practically […]

Just a poll

Who here is jobless/unemployed and have been for how long?
Was it a voluntary decision or due to involuntary circumstances?

It seems that whatever my mental problem is hindering me from sustaining a job. For the record, the longest job I held was nine months, until I was fired.

I can take orders and can rationale with reprimands. What I do NOT condone is ridicule and oppression. Office politics brings out the ugliness in people, what one would do to another human being just to advance in the corporate ladder.

Whatever it is, I have now been labelled a job-hopper by agencies and probably unemployable.

Who here is thinking on trying again or commiting this weekend?

I have been told that writing your problems can be good for you and hearing about other’s problems can make one not feel so alone.
I have been depressed off and on for the better part of 12 years. And ( of course) with the depression comes thoughts of suicide. Life will be ok for a little while then sneak up behind me, shred, burn, and scatter my happiness to the four winds leaving me staring in bewilderment .
At the beginning of my depression I used to write suicide notes and poems until one day a teacher found one of my poems. CPS was […]

When I was five and fell off my bike, where were you?

When I was seven and had a bad dream, where were you?

When I was twelve and girls were mean, where were you?

Well i’m fifteen now and i’m dying.

Where are you?

I just ate a tiny bit and I feel so gross I need to throw up then exercise…i feel so fucking gross

Married but completely alone.  I have nothing. I am so far away from my family and best friends. It’s hard to just end it when you have a kid, but I have thought about running away. No matter what I choose that would bring an end to my pain, people are going to view me as “selfish”. I hate these stupid societal rules about monogamy. If a marriage has gone down the shitter, and one party won’t even try then what is the point? Divorce is not so easy…I’m a fast learner but I have not worked in years. Who will hire me? Can I […]

I’m not sure this will work. Perhaps, it is an idea of mine of which is rediculous. But worth a shot, right?
I was on the phone one day talking to a friend, and the question was asked, How do you love yourself? That is a question, I imagine a lot of people may have. I thought about it and an idea came to me. I then presented my friend with this suggestion.
1. Take out a pen or pencel or any other writing tool. A computer doesn’t count as you will need to do this by hand.
2. Take out a piece of paper […]

MY mind is so hauntingly terrible at night, nightmares of death and chaos, I’m too afraid to sleep because my mind attacks me and I wake up every night brought almost to tears by the death I see every night, mostly my own of course but sometimes of others of whom I don’t know. I would rather die the deaths in my nightmares than see them anymore, they’re already killing me.