an island lost at sea…

I didn’t think it was possible to feel any lower than I did. I literally feel like I’m drowning with all this stress and unhappiness in my life. I’ve been having a lot of body image problems lately…and everyday I look at myself in the mirror and cry. I’m at the heaviest weight I’ve ever been in my life. All of my clothes don’t fit right anymore and I’m just not comfortable in my own skin anymore. I’ve seriously been considering starting diet pills or something to help get the weight off fast. I can’t stand to look at myself…and it’s so sad to know […]

I should have one of those fairy tail lives, I come from a good family, always went to good schools, I always got good grades, but it’s never good enough. I’m a college student at a decent college, nothing amazing. I played division 1 sports on one of the best teams in the country for 2 years and quit as of this year. No one in my family supports my decision to quit. I didn’t quit because I’m lazy, I quit because I’m a math major, I make the deans list frequently, school is what is important to me, but my classes didn’t fit with […]

Why is suicide illegal? You just do it anyways. It is the perfect crime. I want to have assisted suicide places to go to. I bet they would only take cash.

Birthdays: supposed to be a day whereon good wishes help one to have a better day than usual. I am in trouble this year, today has been awful.

Everyday I wake up, go to the gym then to work, all the while trying to forget how lonely I am and how people do not help me feel less lonely. I get invites to other people’s birthdays and various nonsense, on mine, just like every other day, nothing. People Have no problem telling me what they need from me and criticizing me when I don’t provide it.

I am […]

I wrote my final goodbyes. I finally feel at peace. I know its the end of the road for me but I need everyone else to know that life will get better because they are strong. They will prosper and triumph in their lives. I think I’m going to wait at most a week before doing the final act just incase anything changes. If you do not hear back from me after a week then you know the deed has been done. Goodbye everyone, I wish you the best of luck and I pray that your lives turn out better than mine did. Enjoy life […]

I don’t know if you guys remember me at all but I posted here fairly regularly several months ago then took a break.  My life still sucks though.  Since ******** is basically impossible to obtain I think it’s either a shotgun or hang myself.  I’d prefer a shotgun.  How are you guys doing?  I hope you’re doing better than me..  Suicidal thoughts have become so normal to me that they don’t even faze me anymore.  My thing is that I really don’t want to fail my attempt and end up a vegetable or end up in some institution against my will and lose whatever freedom […]

I miss the first time we kissed. November 4, 2009. I smiled the whole way home. I tried to stop, but I couldn’t. I was so happy. I miss the first time you wrap your arms around me, kissed my cheek. I miss the first time you called me babe. I miss the beginning, when we didn’t want to say I love you, so we said i <3 u. I miss the first time you said you loved me. I miss the feeling of being loved, I was so blown away at the fact that someone could actually like me, none the less love me. […]

i broke…  i cut for the first time tonight. but it never hurt. it felt good. it felt so damn good. im relieved…. i thought it would hurt but it never did. it was soo good. i cant express that enough. im so glad i finally have a way away from things.

well winter has arrived rather abruptly and there is no way in hell im gonna make it through the holidays. i wanted to hold out a little longer like maybe after new years but fuck that. still i am heartbroken about my mother having to deal with this. she has health issues of her own and is getting into her old age. actually im worried about my whole family as well. i have this disease, call it a curse “bipolar”. i inherited it. when i was a kid people thought i was some sort of demon with the mania that i exhibited. idk…. so tomorrow […]

I promised my younger sisters I would take them swimming on Thursday. That means I have to wear a swimsuit which means I can’t have fresh cuts on my leg. I really miss the days of being able to wear what I want when I want without worrying about covering scars and cuts. I just want to feel the pain so badly, but I have to wait. I don’t even know if I’m going to make it.

By Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,

This is part of my the short story I wrote for my Extension 2 English subject this year, and I really like it, so I thought I might share this little bit (:

When I saw Aldora’s name beneath mine on the cast list tacked to the wall, I felt both elation and dread. Who was this young beauty who had at first seemed so timid and bold, but now appeared vacant enveloped in a mist-like aura of danger and mystery.

“Gabriel,” she had whispered to me as she read her name, “we’re performing together!” I saw her innocence shine through her eyes, but beneath it, […]

I’ve hand written my story, I have quite a large one that I’m not yet ready to share due to the fact that I believe my problems are minor compared to others and I don’t want to feel like a cry for attention. However, I would like to share something I am sick of. I am sick of people saying suicidal terms like a joke. I’m sick of hearing “her class just makes me want to kill myself” or the use of making the ‘shoot myself’ gesture because you’re tired or don’t feel like doing school work. So many people are actually dealing with suicidal […]

Is there any way on how to be a good writer?

well.. sometimes I have things on my mind that I really can’t just blurt out to anyone.

anyways, I just wanna be a better person, find someone really cool, get married, and then just be the best and give the best that I can give. I don’t want to kill myself, so many people love me it’s just not fair. so I just gotta keep my head up.

Every time I post something on here, whether a post or a comment, I feel super annoying and like to one really wants me on here…I’m kind of awkward…so…that’s how I feel on a daily basis. like I’m super annoying and I cant stop…then I push everyone away…

in my opion of why there is so many speceies of life here but never any proof of any god in a dyeing world,is easy to understand. some people think if life was created then there must be a god on earth that some way lnfluences our lives. first of all there was never any god.what there was at the very begining of time was some thing that had a ability to create the begining of all the diferent species and reality other wise known as mother nature was also created.why the creations were made and the reality made the way it is,l dont have […]

No matter how many people I hang out with, no matter how much memories they give me, at the end of the day I still return to my room and realize how empty my life is. No matter how many people I know and am acquainted with,no matter how many friends I have, I am still alone.

I’m tired.

tired of existing. I feel like I am a zombie. Like my life has no purpose.

is there a god? I don’t know. Actually, I do. I believe there is a god, but I don’t know who he/she is.

I’m tired.

tired of not being good enough. Of trying my hardest to achieve and failing again and again.

im tired.

Tired of watching the same thing happen around me over and over again without being able to do anything about it.

I feel like I’m screaming and no one can hear me.

like I’m behind a pane of glass, and while I can see everyone, they can only see the outside […]