When I look in the mirror, I am disgusted with the person I see staring back.

Whenever I stand near a ledge, I am seized with the urge to throw myself over to certain death.

Sitting here with the faint sound of my music in the background watching the lightning light up the sky like a Christmas tree is quite calming, especially considering the fact that I hate Christmas.
This is what death must feel like, right? calm, quiet, the noise in our heads disappearing as we lose ourselves in this most of extreme calmness. This has to be what death feels like, because when you die its you and you alone that dies and in this moment there’s me and no one else.
This life mirrors what death surely has to be, the dead can’t feel neither can I…is […]

I’d be ordering the tools I need to execute my plan… if the balance in my bank account weren’t negative. For now, though, my financial difficulties are an obstacle rather than a motivator… which I kind of like. It feels more appropriate, honestly. Money would be such a stupid thing to die over, and while struggling to make ends meet is certainly an added stressor, I feel there’s some kind of extra legitimacy that comes with needing to wait — even to save up, maybe — to meet the financial requirements of the end.

I’m not sure why. Maybe because it suggests that the course is […]

Good morning everyone 🙂 I hope you have a wonderful day. No negative attitudes today please. You prob wont listen to me but whatever. Atleast try :/ xx

One of the worst parts of being me (and trust me there are many) is knowing that i will have a best friend for approximately 2-3 years and then they will abruptly leave me. At first i just thought, ‘you know, its the end of the friendship i can accept that’ but 3-4 friendships ahead of this mindset, i now know that it’s all. my. fault.

Let’s explain these friends in terms of their ‘era’:

Kara. (Jan 2009- Jan 2010)
– Kara was a wannabe popular kid who i befriended, under the impression that i too, could be popular. Her, well our antics brought me from an […]

I am ready to die
I didn’t want to die a virgin
I’m not anymore
I’m soiled
Tainted
Disgusting
I won’t make it to heaven.
Is there a heaven?
If there’s heaven, there must be hell
Maybe hell is where I belong
Maybe I’m in hell
Maybe I died and was condemned to live a life of perpetual suffering at my own hands
Maybe the Buddhists are right
I must have been a terrorist in my past life to feel this much pain for the world
I wish I didn’t feel
I want to not feel
Take me from this earth and make me matter

There is no one part of the universe less important than another, or more important than the whole. Even the most insignificantly tiny thing can change the world, because if it were not there, this reality would be perpetually changed- a different place. Likewise, those that see themselves as too important, more important than the whole, will find themselves despairingly depressed at the honest truth. We are all equal, we all matter. You are equal parts insignificant and completely relevant and perfect; your simple existence changes the world, all you must do is be.

I’m gonna try and put this as simple as I can. A while ago I started self harming,I told my best friend after a few weeks,but then she started doing it. I felt so bad like it was all my fault,I had given her the idea of it and her scars and to be blamed by me. We’ll I stopped for a few months and I really thought I could over do this,but last week I started again. Cutting till I bleed but in a place no one could see. I can’t wear vests anymore. But that’s good because I hate my body. I’m trying […]

Whenever someone asks me if i’m ok i lie. I fake smile and ask why. They said i was acting different yesterday. I was tired i say. And as i walk away i feel guilt washing over me but i repeat in my head they shall never know, ever.

1. Talk to the girl I’ve had a crush on for like 2 years now

2. tell people how much they mean to me

3. Tell Zoe goodbye

There is something about her. The way she moves, it’s like she is walking on water. Nothing stands in her way, everything parts for her like the red sea but what others do not know, her wrist parts at night and the sink of her bathroom becomes the red sea. She is not broken but she is beaten, she will overcome this path in life and she will conquer the stars themselves and will shine brighter than the sun. She is the light I awake to every morning, I cannot wait for that day when she is mine.

I’ve posted on here multiple times about the same thing… It might be getting old to some people,but it’s comforting knowing that someone cares.

It’s hard to explain how it feels knowing that the woman who brought me in to the world left so easily. I hate not knowing what it’s like having a mom.

Losing someone to suicide is very different from losing someone to a natural cause. I’m not saying that one is more painful than the other; I’m saying that the healing process is difficult. Grief counsellors speak of closure, and how important it is when healing. When somebody kills themselves, you’re not given answers. […]

My daily trudge through this world is driven solely by my outright contempt for others.

Fuck them for being happy. Fuck them for “getting it.” Whether or not their means of being content are justified, whether or not they’ve earned it, whether or not they’re legitimately good people, whether or not they’ve been given less support than I’ve been lucky enough to receive. Fuck them.

I fantasize constantly about events that leave people with nothing. I think about nukes. I think about natural disasters. I think about plague. I don’t even feel like a victim. Those who’ve wronged me garner no more ire than those who’ve been good to me.

The singular purpose of my life is spite. […]

I’m young. People don’t generally understand how a young person with so much life left ahead of them could be depressed. Some say it’s just puberty, some say it’s hormones. I know what both of those feel like, and they are nothing compared to the grasp depression can have on you. It takes hold of you, and no matter how hard you try to fight it so you can breathe again, it leaves you empty and without energy. I come from a good family. Parents are together, no one close to me has been taken away. And still… it is so hard to be happy. […]

A new song I’ve started to help get past the hard times I’m going through… Clearly unfinished.

You are my tether,
The clip in my downy feathers.
You said we’d be together for ever.

My love is as true and blue as the sky, above.
Sing me to sleep, a lullaby, and tell me it’s alright.
Tell me it’s gonna be alright.
Baby don’t let me die tonight.

I felt the dark shadows closing on me the whole last winter. I knew what they were, the really-really black ones, the ones you cannot see but once they arrive you will always feel their presence everywhere, all the time, behind the curtains, in the unlit stairway or in the depths of the socks drawer. Met them twice before. How poetic of me.
So, I figured, if I gonna try to kill myself again why not look around before a bit? Anyways, I can commit suicide anywhere! Why not travel until then? Besides, maybe the whole relocation stuff gonna chase away the fraking shades. So […]

helloo .. Actually, I can’t say words in english goodly. But, hey I’m 16 yo and I love to reading stuffs here *notimportant -_-

Someone Like You

You ever get that sense? A trauma switch is what it is. An old picture. A memento? Something that draws out a full sense of nostalgia that its almost unbearable? A picture you’ve seen of all your friends missing one person, you. I don’t know why, but when I see these things, thoughts race through my mind to where I can’t stand even leaving the house and socializing. Not even the 4-legged friends I have are strong enough to get me out of this deep downward spiral of being left out. So I sit here, the lost lamb from the flock. The one expected to […]