I have a great life, and will be the first to admit it. I have a great family, great friends, go to a good school, I have no major complaints. Why do I feel so shitty? Why do I feel so lonely? Why do I feel so worthless, beaten and broken? In all rights I should be happy, but I’m not. It’s getting hard to remember when I was, and even harder to remember what it feels like to not pretend. It’s exhausting. No matter where I am or what I’m doing it never leaves my mind. It’s always there, whispering that one word. Why […]

I am destined to destroy myself my darker thoughts may lessen from time to time but they never go away the need for physical pain and inebriation holds me down. For every good day there are thousands of bad ones. I’ve never done anything good for myself. I convince myself I don’t need to eat today get blackout drunk grab a razorblade or hunting knife and cut myself open and watch the blood pour. I can keep myself busy and not think destructively but when I sit and think for 5 minutes I think about shotguns and razors. No one cares to be around me […]

I’m so depressed with my life,. Suicidal thoughts come to my mind each day, instantly after I wake up. I’m unbelievably lonely and school makes it even worse…I can’t deal with anything anymore. I’m thinking of dropping out of school, it’s a waste of my time and I feel that my mind can’t function properly for school. I’m way too depressed to go that I can never be motivated to work.

Rang up the local mental illness house today, inquired about returning to my counselling.
Its been a good 6-7 months since i last has counselling. Thought i was cured and all that.
Guess it is just another loop back around to the start… Curious to what everyone else suffers from?
Comment?
♥

Today my mom made me watch a video about a girl who committed suicide when she was twelve because of physical and cyber bullying…It was awful…I…I don’t know how to react. It made me think of when I was twelve and almost committed suicide for the same reasons…

http://www.cnn.com/2013/10/15/justice/rebecca-sedwick-bullying-death-arrests/

n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.

I am feeling better.  I had been drinking 2 to 3 bottles of OTC robitussin at a time about one to three times a month for about 8 years straight.  I decided recently that I don’t need the escape I used to get from it anymore.  I can already see a mixture of results since my last dose and abstaining.  Less depression, less suicidal ideation, and more motivation.

hi,the brain produces painkillers on social rejection to ease the pain./the brain treat social rejection just like other “physical pain”/.search it,it is all over the news.
Now i see why i didn’t feel nothing on social rejection.

Ive made up my mind i think. Ive tried everything already and none of its helped i think ive finally reached the end

I dug myself a hole. It’s walls protected me. But I grew too tall, and I stood above them. So I dug down deeper. Hands reached out for me, but behind them, was Her. So I dug deeper. A voice, inside, unheard, and small; “Not too deep! So you can pull yourself out!” School was scary, I was stupid. I dug deeper. I didn’t make friends with the right people. I dug deeper. I didn’t like Her lunch, so I threw it away for weeks,months, never ate. And deeper. High school, mind shutdown, voice snuffed. Just close your eyes and imagine. Dirt walls became castles, […]

This might seem totally irrelevant to all you guys lol but I thought a blog would be a good place to share.  Do any of you know any online public schooling which is available for ALL countries (not only the US)? I keep searching but can’t seem to find anything out of the US…and my parents are not willing to pay for private online educaton which really pisses me off.

when you tell me that you hate my cuts you cry each time you see them we cuddle for a while untill you have stopped the cutting and then when i say its going to be alright i have to cross my fingers behind your back i love you babe but this self-harming is apart of me im sorry for the amount of tears that has came out your beautiful brown-green eyes baby i never wanted to hurt you but please dint make me choose between you and the self-harming i love you and want to stay with you your my life, my world. baby […]

Im 14 hes 15, we met through friends, its not a problem then i meet him and i fall in love, we kiss the first time, he has me wraped round his little finger. He tells me he wants sex, i dont no what to do so i trust him and make his wish come true. Im in deep deep love with him now, and then it all goes wrong, he tells me hes cheated on me, creates burns and slits on my wrists, my legs ache and i wake every morning in pain. I say this was you who created this. He tells me […]

Just a cut.

just a scratch.

whats that mark??

It was the cat.

Just a lie…

Whats with all the braclets??

Just fasion why??

just a tear.

just a scream

Why were you crying ??

just a bad dream…

But its not just a cut

Or a tear or a lie

Its always just one more,

Until you die.

Self harm is a serious mater so think before you speak…

To the girl thay wrecked my wotld. i met you the 2nd of september i was 16 you were 15 now im 18 for thag two yeats she my my first real true one and olny love and we were eachothothera forst for wverything.we gave our hearts to eachother but she had a problem, talkimg to other guys and cheating on me, the ise of razor blades and burns of her name on my arm staryed coming into place, we tryed and tryed a lived her with all of my heary and then it lead to depression which led to any kind of pain killers […]

Every night I go to sleep hoping to never wake. Every breath I take is a mistake. I wasn’t met for this cold world… How could The man I fell for, the man I have a beautiful little boy with intentionally physically hurt me but won’t let me hurt myself.. I blame no one for this.. I mean I’m a big girl right? No ones forcing me to do anything. Just a half hour ago it could have all been over.. So I’m at the park hanging from my jacket when suddenly a car pulls up and flashes the lights on me, my immediate reaction […]

While having a suicidal crisis I suddenly felt my phone buzz and when I looked it was a text… From my brother… It said happy birthday and now I can’t stop crying.

Somedays when I want to cry out about what’s gone horribly wrong in my life, my friend starts to complain about how “nobody likes her,” or “her crush hates her,” when obviously none are true.

And the group of friends I have flock to her, trying to make her feel better, even though I’m obviously behaving differently. And I understand that she needs support, but I need some help as well.

So eventually,  I learned how to put on a false smile and look like I’m happy. I kept on telling myself that I’d weigh them down if I told them what’s wrong.

After all, they never asked.

I […]

are very strange creatures.

I am overwhelmed with sadness & emptiness & loneliness & all I do is cry & my heart feels like it’s going to fall out of my chest and I get anxiety over every little thing and I’m just done.

This life has stopped feeling real years ago, and occasionally I get little glimpses of life, but usually I just feel numb. This is so incredibly frustrating and painful and I just wish I could die already because It’s pretty fucking obvious that I’ll never be happy again.

I keep trying, and I keep failing, and I’m just one huge failure that should have killed herself years […]