It takes years to build,

Seconds to break

And forever to repair

Well world you get a chance to laugh yet again. Finally being home after tricking the dr’s in to think your ok…bravo on my wonderful production of “I am truly ok. It was an accident…No I didn’t want to kill myself.” Even if I would have had the courage to say “YES it was an attempt.” I was to embarrassed by the fact that I cant even kill myself right. What kind of fucked up thing is that. I truly thought that after a couple of months in a hospital bed that my own bed would feel nice. But it doesn’t, it feels worse […]

Well, isn’t this great. Just when my suicidal thoughts start to lessen, i start having homocidal ones. Last night I was looking at my little 5-year-old brother, who I love and adore. And then I started laughing like a freaking maniac. I didn’t know why I did. It just felt so good to laugh. I realised later why I laughed so demonically. It was because I wanted to kill him. I wanted to slit his throat. I don’t want to kill him, or anyone, for that matter now. I don’t know why…it was like I wasn’t even in control of myself. I just don’t […]

I’m alone…The people I care about couldn’t care less about me. I finally found someone, and I truly, honestly loved her. I would do anything for her. And today she left me…I was 2 months clean, but that changed today. I took my razor and cut myself 6 times. I don’t want to live without her. I just want someone who cares. My mom is letting the ex boyfriend who beat her back into the house, my “friends”  pretty much don’t care about me. I’m alone. My dad decided that across the state is where he wanted to be, instead of closer to me so […]

Tonight I will close my eyes, knowing, that what is at the end of a needle or at the bottom of a bottle is more important than me. It is not a feeling or a thought. It is a fact. My life is worth less than a $20 dollar rush. I have had two days to ponder this and it has finally sink in. If God did not get his message through the first time with the first guy, He definitely got it through the second time with the new guy. I am not worth the effort or the time. I am a waste of […]

I wanna know what I did so horrible to get such a harf life like this I’m only 17 yrs old I lost my brother & dad to suicide I’m homeless my mom couldn’t care any less about me. It seems like all everyone ever wants to do is hurt & break me down What have I done to get such a hard life? Im terrified or death but it seems like its the only way out of this piece of shit life I have? What is the real meaning of all that I’m being put through cause it isnt to make me stronger. I […]

I decided that this life is no longer worth living.  The love of my life has officially left me and I have nothing left to live for.  I already know where and how i will do it.  I’m making it a double attempt so if one fails the other won’t.  My letters are almost written and then I will out them all in envelopes with people’s names on them.  Each will have a generic letter and one personal letter.  I get a fresh battle of meds on Monday and I have some muscle relaxers and oxicodon left so the combination should do me in.  I […]

I don’t see any way around it really. Either I go, suck up the cost, and open this can of worms (again) or I guess I just get it over with already and stop sniveling.

I played with my youngest daughter today, Her smile takes up her whole face with a little two-toothed grin and a laugh that makes my heart break.

Is it really too much? The things I ask for?

All that is wanted is a few luxuries in life… None of then are even material.
Is it too much to ask to follow a decent schedule? One that doesn’t change so drastically?
Is it too much to ask for, a job I don’t mind?
Is it too much to ask when I desire happiness?
Can there be a day I wake up, happier then anything.
A day in which worries are little.
Can I smile at the sun and defeat the day?
Can I lay comfortably in my bed and sleep peacefully?
Is it too much to ask for a little guidance.
I feel […]

I don’t even know why I bother anymore. Honestly. I’m so miserable with life that I’m losing the will to fight. I don’t know what to do with college. I still live with my parents (21). I have a shitty paying job. Apartments are scarce. I smoke to relieve the stress life causes me. I can hardly sleep. Dreams avoid me. I lack skills. Talents. Hopes. Dreams. Wishes. I’m nothing but a waste of flesh. I feel like a useless creation. Everyone thinks I am capable of achieving great things. I don’t see it. It evades me. I feel like I have no reason to […]

Music Saved My Life (My Story) <— video of my story click the link

I can’t do this.

With every new experience, everything I do, I just get broken down more by how stupid the world is.

I always thought I got out of my parents’ house, faced my fears, I’d be ok. That everything would get better. But now I’m moved out and everything still sucks.

Boyfriend is away for two and a half weeks. It hasn’t even been one and I’m meh and depressed and mad. He said we’d talk “lots.” Lots for us is constantly. We’ve barely talked at all. I’ve talked to his older brother more than to him. And mostly I’m just mad at his parents for […]

oh darlin girl
time a callin
tears are forming
on the shit stand on my heart
your killing me
with you silents
but hun dont you dare cry for me
iv been in a war
and i killd a man with bare hands
to keep what i thort safe and sownd
but all the things monting up
just one more cut to end my lonly life
my lonly life

and i
havent herd form you sins
you said you loved me
you said you cared
sins you when and never came back
and all the shit is packing up
to end some one elsis life
and […]

i think now why didiunt you lison to me

I’ve come to realise I probably haven’t helped a single soul on here. You guys haven’t completely recognised how much i’ve tried and wanted you help you all. I’ve got problems of my own and here I am, spending time at trying to support you poor people. I hope you all get help, and it’s just darn sad you have to be here because of the emotional pain. In a few days, it’ll be MY day, and I really do hope that maybe, juuust maybe I have helped someone. I’m sorry if I haven’t actually, done anything helpful… but I tried, I really did. I […]

And again the cycle is repeated. The nights are the worst. That’s when the thoughts are prevalent. And what is it that stops me? It’s the idea of my body. No one deserves to find a loved one dead,especially if it’s at his own hand. Children need to live happy lives,not be scarred and tortured with gruesome images. No one deserves this pain. I want my life to be extinguished. The pain doesn’t matter because in the end I will succeed. The nights get colder and colder. My sheets aren’t enough. There is no warmth in my heart,just a void that never seems to end. […]

Once, there was a boy named Peter in 8th Grade.

He was shy, but had a happy façade.

He smiled at the teachers, his classmates and me.

But he was so distraught, a mood in him you couldn’t see.

It was funny though, but not a funny kind of funny.

When you find out his mama never gave him money.

The day you figure out that all he ever was, was all alone.

That he was always that person in a down in the dumps zone.

He was like chalk and cheese compared to the people in high spirits.

Like black chalk and mouldy cheese enclosed with secrets.  

But on November 21st on a […]

All these things pieced together,

Aren’t making me strong,

Aren’t making me better,

They tear down the dreams I’ve finally had,

Nothing can stop them,

There’s nothing more bad,

I’ve been to hell,

And I’ve been back,

Through drugs and rape and panic attacks,

But after these storms,

There’s always some calm,

It works it’s way up and fully forms,

I learn to live broken and shattered,

Not getting stronger or better,

Just more battered,

I don’t pick myself up,

I fly with a joint,

And after a while,

I crash from that point,

I had my problems,

Long before my addictions,

And even before they started,

I had low restrictions,

I can’t wait for the day,

When I get to fly,

Not from a drug,

But from my wings to […]

Ever since I was 12 I’ve been contemplating suicide. I’ve tried to sit down with my parents because I felt that I need professional help but they brushed it off and claimed it to be some sort of phase I’d eventually grow out of. I didn’t even know what the fuck that meant but I can easily tell you it was no adolescent phase. I’m 20 now going on 21 and I’m still currently struggling with thoughts of suicide. I’ve been off and on with medications and it drives me insane. I’ve attempted suicide twice but the first time the rope snapped and the second […]

I really just want to kill myself. And I know what you all are thinking: “Oh, don’t kill yourself, there’s so much to live for!” “What will your family think?” “You’re being selfish!” Well, I don’t care. It’s not all about you. Why should I owe it to anyone to keep living if it just makes them happy? What about me? I just have to tough it out no matter what? That sounds selfish to me. Most of the time, I feel like I am wearing a mask when around others. I smile but inside I’m begging for a gun. I don’t give a motherfucking […]