I get the feeling ctb-driver pulled the trigger a few days ago. Maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know. Hey I never got to hear your songs.
I decided on Nov 18, 2012, that I did not have 1 single happy day (or half day, or real significant moment of relief) that I would wait 365 days and if things had not improved (i.e., the happy moment), that I was done here, my work completed, and that I would just check out.
I have a great job, a nice family and all that “people strive” for – in fact, I feel selfish writing this post because I know full well that I am not hard done by…. but I lost the one. Not only did I lose her, but I made it happen, […]
Just minutes before the world went black, a massive solar flare erupted.
Scientists only had seconds to realize what it was. But it was to late to even warn anyone.
There was a universal black out.
The whole world went dark.
Before the black out people were oblivious to the world around them. They let technology rule there lives, and in seconds,
It disappeared.
Chaos ensued like never before, people were terrified. No one knew how to live without technology, fearing they worst.
They rioted.
Governments fell, stores were robbed blind, people murdered for no reason at all.
Gangs rose out of the ashes,
mafias seized power.
And when things seemed like they couldn’t get worse.
It […]
I’m so tired.
I’m tired of telling myself that my life worth living.
Just wait. Everything will be alright. You will survive.
But no.
I can’t take it. Not anymore.
I’m so tired of my mother.
“Don’t open your mouth you’re little stupid shit.” I’m sorry but I’m 18 I’m not little silly girl.
‘”You’re not going to achive anything in this life”. Okay.
”You’re fucking useless I’m so tired of you.” I’m sorry.
“I’m just worried about you and your future.” Hell no if you cared you wouldn’t say things that always let me down.
I’m just so t i r e d.
I agree with my mother, I know that I’m useless and […]
Hi
Well now it has been a very long time since i have posted or even visited. i just want to say im fairly certain this will go un-noticed. which is okay, i know that getting views after 1am is very rare (eastern-standard time).
But i just want to say im moving along. i have a job i start soon, i have 2 fairly decent blogs i run. i have friends (not really) i just like to assume there friends. really all i have is idiots i talk to regularly (granted its over the internet.) so yeah im still fairly the same loser i was 10 months […]
damn, this ghastly insomnia has caught up to me again. It seems i am trapped in my own mind.
its never a pleasant experience when i am caught up in my own thoughts. idea’s and realizations take hold and i cannot shake them, ergo what led me to self harm in the first place.
but on a rare occasion a wondrous idea takes root, and it is great at first, but then i become fixated on it, it is in my every thought and dream. it makes me feel new and whole and like there is a point to the future after all.
but then i bore of […]
I have hurt so many people lately that I can’t take it. I hurt a girl I fell for because she didn’t realize that admitting your love to someone doesn’t mean your in a relationship. I hurt her when I started dating an amazing girl named Julianna that I realized I love even more. I just don’t know why I hurt people so much on accident. I feel even worse than I have ever felt. I am cutting even more than ever. I just don’t know what to do our how to stop hurting others. I am tired of causing pain which doesn’t just hurt […]
Ivethine been trying the last few days always falter at the last, just tried to call Samaritans no answer. How can I take this as anything other than a sign??
It’s time
Life if hell it will always  be hell so why bother
…
I m so lost.
I relapsed.
there is now a cut on my hipbone and I cant stop touching it. feeling the upraised skin and the heat. I haven’t felt this felling for almost four and a half months. now its back and I really just need someone to talk to. a few people know I used to cut, but they have no idea about the daily struggle to actually keep going with life.
to not use the pills or the blade and smile.
its so hard.
my failed attempt just keeps haunting me and I want to do it right. Its getting harder and harder to block out the […]
Give me a reason to stay. Give me a reason. I have six new cut each one deeper than the last. Give me a reason. I have none.
Do any of you have anything that you’d like to do? if nothing could stop you? if you do then write it down and don’t edit it just see what comes out. I realize that time will always moves forward and moments will always pass you’ll never be the same age forever, I always thought that I could feel this way for a certain time and go right back to a moment but I realize now that I was in denial I really don’t know what to do now but I have things that I want to do, so I hope that despite your pain […]
Hey there,
I generally wouldn’t try to disclose someone, but a woman by Reneigh wanted help from me. I’ve tried emailing you, but it has failed.
Only reason I have chosed to write this is because, she needs help and wants someone to talk to, and I entend to do all I can to make not just her, but everyone on here as happy as possible.
Email me if wanted on here:
brl.cents@gmail.com
When I look forward and try to picture my future I see absolutely nothing. That petrifies me, that feeling of dread catches in my lungs and I don’t know what to do. How do I make it go away? Dear god I need something. The blade is not enough anymore, I love her, I always will, but it’s becoming dull. I fantasise about suicide, the how’s and when’s … pills or hang from a rope or a trip off a ledge, if you dare. I want more than anything to make it stop; I need it all to fucking stop. I have never attempted, I […]
I’m starting to think I really have a lot of issues, I don’t know what to do with myself and my life. I’m seriously going crazy. I don’t know if it’s my mind playing tricks on me or not. But the voices in my head are starting to win and convince me I’m crazy. The only way to make the voices stop is to do drugs, and I’m scared and alone.
My story THERE IS ALOT TO READ SO GET COMFORTABLE and I wish I could give all those people who read the whole thing a damn cookie or something for their efforts!
Right from the beginning my childhood was far from ideal. My mother was a drug addict and gave no affection or encouragement that I can remember.
I never met my father until later in my childhood, he also turned out to be a scary looking toothless drug addict and acted like he knew me far too well which didn’t sit well with me at all.
When I was born I had two older brothers, […]
So I don’t think my story has a happy ending, but at the very least I can’t realize it anymore. Thanks to my good friends/new band mates I guess I’m doing better. Let me explain, I am no longer suicidal, just bitter not that I realize it. I don’t know if turning to drugs was the right choice necessarily but being ripped out of my head makes things much easier to deal with. I don’t know, I still want to not exist but not being in my own mind makes it easier, and expressing through music gets my message out in a vague way that […]
I don’t know what to do with my life. I did really well in school in engineering, but it just isn’t for me. I have never found a good job in it and even when I do, I reach a point where I am no longer interested in it and I want to ditch it and do something else.
I no longer work as an engineer. I work in a lab doing a job that anybody could do. But I want to do more with my life. Maybe that is why I am on this site. I want to make a difference in someone’s life and […]