The major part of my problem with life has to do with being trapped at the bottom of a building. Granted, that was in a WARZONE but little things beyond the DMZ force my mind back into that situation. Today, just as I was getting ready to go home, a security mechanism malfunctioned and I, unfortunately, got trapped in a cold, dark, silent space, two stories beneath a federally controlled building. Minor incident for you, one hour of after work annoyance for about six people, but one goddamn heartbeat too many for ME.

I am so fucking EXHAUSTED from trying to keep “it” together… It’s […]

I’m stuck in place. People rush past me in a blur and no matter how hard i try, i can’t seem to catch up to them. The weight of my life is crushing me, stealing my breath and taking with it my sanity. Every day I have to adjust my face so that i  blend in with the world around me. Hide the fear and desperation from my eyes, and pretend to feel normal. Why am i doing this? Why can’t I turn off these thoughts and feelings that make me shrink back into myself.  I am not this person. This timid, emotional, angery person. I […]

I’m a very emotional human being. I’ve gone through so much, like any other 16 year old.

Last summer my Boyfriends cousin passed away. Since then I’ve been depressed, even though he wasn’t family I still became one of his best friends. Ernie was ONLY 14 years old and died of Leukemia. He was so funny and nice. He even had a crush on me :3 He had so much to live for, and he wanted to be a doctor. I felt so bad for his family. He was the only boy and his mom and dad loved him. He was like a piece of glass, so fragile. I would […]

So I know no one is probably gonna see this but it’s my last way of getting any thing out… Lately I haven’t been myself. Like when I hang out with my friends I feel like I’m the most unimportant person in the group and that it wouldn’t matter if I was there or not. I started this new school in January because of bullying and depression issues at my other one. The first few weeks of my new school everyone seemed so nice and bright and happy, now everyone acts like I’m some kind of nuisance and like I should just leave. But some […]

Hello, everybody.
I’m not in the best of mindsets at the moment. All I can think about is Suicide.
I know that I probably shouldn’t be but today I realised something.
Nobody wants me here.
I haven’t been diagnosed with any sort of mental health issue but I know that I’m severely depressed. This upsets me more.
I’ve been in denial for so long. I lied to my loved ones. I’ve cut, bruised, hurt myself to the point where I don’t know who I am anymore.
I wish that things were different [like everybody else] but wishful thinking will never get me anywhere.
My thoughts aren’t […]

The day I met her, we both realized we could help each other. No one else could look past the point we are both girls though. Everyone laughed at us and called us names, but we smiled and helped each other through it. She cut, so do I, the difference.. she didn’t know when too much was too much, that’s probably why she’s gone. We held our heads high, put it started to get worse. I would be hit, and punched and kicked down, and so would she. I tried to help her I just, I wasn’t strong enough. Her cuts started getting worse, she wouldn’t even wear short sleeves […]

The only one that could keep me alive… she lost her fight helping me live through mine.

The only one that could make me smile… he left me for the normals.

The only ones that could keep away my pain… they moved and left me here.

The only one that could hear my cries… she laughed and call me attention seeker.

The only one I trusted… he told all my secrets and told me it was my own fault and walked away.

Why do I even try?

Why won’t I just die?

Why can’t I just end the pain… everytime I’m reminded of you and I know that you’d want me to keep trying,

Why did you leave me?

Why did […]

Well, anyways, I’m 14 (and a girl, if that matters), and like I said up there, I’m kind of confused. This is going to sound terrible, because I know there are people out there with legitimate problems that they honest-to-goodness can’t, but wish they could, control.

A couple months ago, I moved to a new place. I made friends and I have friends, but not close like I used to. I usually feel alone, because I usually am alone. I don’t feel like I have accomplished anything important, or that I will because half the people at my school are so smart. Every time I feel […]

After today broke down i know what i need to do … you are all lovely people thanks for listening

xoxo

goodbye 🙂

I cut my arm. It’s pretty deep. I tried to tell somebody earlier but they were busy.

A few days ago (on the 25th) to be exact I attempted to take my life and almost succeeded! Except, well… remorse and guilt along with my Dog made me realize I made a horrible mistake. Sensing this my body had begun rejecting the drugs that were laced in my suicide cocktail.

The 25th was my dads birthday and truthfully I think he’d be too pleased with himself if I took my own life on his birthday, so, I have decided that no matter what happens I will only kill myself on MY birthday. (looks better on the grave, I think)

Anyways, I really want to have someone who […]

I’m not going to graduate. I know I’m not

My family, mainly my dad, who’s beeing emotionally abusive for years and years due to school, will abandon me, or maybe worse.

I mean nothing to most people who live near me, my only friends are words on a screen and they have kept me going whenever i tried to give up

but i cant keep putting it off.

Im a failure, and I need to get out of here.

I’ve wanted a painless, peaceful death for a long time, I’ve thought about sitting in my car in the garage, but sadly ive been told it wont work.

I’ve thought about vodka+pills, […]

I have been cutting since my 7th grade year. I don’t really know why I started  or what caused me to feel cutting was a good way out. All I know is that I used cutting as an escape for my pain which then turned to an addicting habit. A girl I knew, Raiyanne used to put small razor blades in her compact mirror and cut whenever she needed a release at school. I don’t know why I decided to cut but that became my way of doing it. My wrists are scarred up so bad from cutting that I’m not even sure how I […]

Uhmm. This is my first post or whatever and I think writing will help. I love writing and expressing my feelings. Alright, I’ve been depressed for about a year or so. I started noticing when all I did was cry every other day. Cry because my parents argue, cry because my older brother life is fucked up ever since his divorce. Cry because my moms sick and getting surgery. Cry because sometimes my boyfriend isn’t there for me. Cry because I remember my friend who died of cancer this summer. Cry for all this little things. It’s gotten worse to the point where I want […]

the hallucinations begin
the maggots crawling on my skin
searching for each fresh wound
wanting to bury deep inside
this dark rotting flesh
of mine
i cry
i only wish to rest
lying here is absolutely
no “good night”
paranoia
filling my mind
drowning in sorrow and pain
this feeling won’t fucking go away
but i have no God
i can not pray
not for this night
nor for any other day.

I wish I was a second.. A second in time. Every second that goes by is gone forever, never to be seen again – not on this day in this month in this year – they’re all gone. To be a second and know that in one second you will disappear without a trace. I just wish a second could go by with me in it and be gone forever..

I know if i die at home my sister will finded me and i willnt do that to her i just run away and be found dead its easier on them that way i believe my mom heart will be broken not my dad though nor my brother might give my grandmother a heart attack my little cousin that so close to me would understand …….and my fiancee would just die she has lost so many people all she has is me now

the reasons im still breathing

here we go. almost two weeks ago, i woke up at 11:30 AM and just sat on the couch and watched television, my dads car was broken down an hour away from my house and he told me to wake my sister up, because she usually sleeps in until the afternoon.. So i went to her room and shouted “Tabby, wake up i’m taking you to the movies!” with a smile on my face, the more i knocked the louder i knocked, i got no answer, this is odd.. i thought.. i tried to turn the door handle, but it wouldn’t budge, i used all […]

I have so many life regrets.. I’m only 22 but I regret it all. The way I dealt with everything, all the things I went through, every event and struggle.. I regret it all and I know, I wholeheartedly know that I’ll never get over it until I can go back in time and change it all.. now that’s impossible and it’s a reason why I’m so hopeless because the compilation of events in my life led me to be in the position I am today and i hate it. everything I feel inside stems back from each and every event. I remember and I […]

There will always be pain no matter what. What is the point if pain exists? I’m not sure if happiness exists or if happiness is just the absence of pain. It doesn’t matter if I kill myself or not because there will always be pain. You can’t escape pain if life exists.