Is it possible to be both sad and happy, suicidal but not depressed? oh, btw, the song Bullet by Hollywood Undead kind of helps to clear my mind

I feel like there’s no other way out.. but at the same time I’m scared. What if people who commit suicide go somewhere worse?

They gave me a mechanical pencil, heheh i can cut with one, they are so clueless. well, I have added 9 cuts to my arm. I almost forgot I had cancer.

yesterday, I experienced the first caring touch I have felt in a long time. Though only brif, it was still real…untill I woke up. =(

Omg!!!! Today Vyas (#My.Crush) looked at me and kept looking at me multiple times… I am exited because he looked at me in a way that didnt mean he was mad at me (well um.. he wouldnt get mad at me becuase he has never talked to me before)… it meant he was just calm and just wanted to see my face (i…guess)

I have to wake up at 5:00 in the morning just to get on time for a bus that leaves for a feild trip 🙁

I am not skinny. I am not fat. I am not pretty. I am not ugly. I am not mean. I am not nice. I am not popular. I am not unpopular. I am not weird. I am not normal. I am not social. I not quiet. I am not liked. I am not disliked. I am not happy. I am not angry. I only identify as one thing; sad. That’s it. Why? I am tired. I am sick (recently diagnosed with heart problems). I have no real friends left. I have no caring family. Why? I never did anything, to anyone. I used to […]

I swear, Trevor is either bipolar, a liar, or just weird. He goes and says that I’m ugly one day, but then he acts like he likes me the next. Today, he was talking about me to my friend Bailey. This is what they said : Trevor: Hey, do you know that girl named Courtney? Bailey: Yeah. Trevor: She smells better than she usually does..   So, yeah. Weird. I don’t know whether to take offense to it or not because it’s so weird. Seriously. I mean, he may be saying that I used to stink. Then again, he might be trying to compliment me, […]

I saw pictures of him snogging another girl at this party. It’s my 17th next week and I was going to tell him I was sorry and could he forgive me and give us another go.

I’d split up with him because I felt unable to commit myself emotionally, I couldn’t give him the time nor attention he deserved. I think the biggest reason is that I knew he wasn’t in to me, I was just a way for him to get back at his ex, who is one of my close mates.

But I fucking love him. I really do. and I want him to keep […]

I want this to stop….I’ve trawl thru sites trying to find the way out to no avail, I am a wimp, scared of pain, 34 and have attempted overdose with sleeping tablets, anti-d’s and recreational drugs, I drink yes but not to excess for I hate the hangover! pathetic but I try to be happy and just get on, it gets harder every night to stay sane….daytime is good I have my distractions, but at night when its quiet that when the brain starts telling me to get out, just do it it, once its done that is it, nothing, all gone, I want help, […]

im done. thats it. ive honestly fucked up enough that i dont care anymore about consequences. im good enough with words im bound to get my point across. my parents arent being any nicer to me they havent really even changed. my sister is becoming controllable but now i thought if i cant speak at home fucking things around at school will help release anger….well now all the fighting and swearing with teachers countless numbers of detentions now im finally suspended and soon to have court involved ha fuck that! i have the best boyfriend ever and i might run out of town tonight with […]

I was feeling ok, actually ok for the first time in ages, the new antidepressants seemed to be helping. And then today it all went rapidly down hill again. I don’t know why, except that I realised nobody has contacted me for days, and I ruined the one true friendship I thought I had. I just can’t take being alone. And I know that because of how I am I will be alone forever. So what’s the point? I just want out. I don’t want to do this any more.

I’m don’t understand how sometimes she’s so responsive and other times she blows me off completely for days on days… Why can’t she just treat me at least decently most of the time? I hate feeling so dismissed and uncared for.

For all the times i’ve been there for her, I think I deserve her to be there for me.But she’s never there. Even when I reach out she doesn’t even care enough to give me the same kind of dedication.

I know she cares, I know deep down she’s a good person and a good friend. i just wish she could learn to value our […]

I thought I was on my way to overcoming the sadness but it seems I was wrong. I feel so so so so alone and also unbelievably numb but somehow really sad all at the same time and I can’t really explain how bad I feel right now, just that it’s been a while since I was this low and that yesterday I cut over the almost completely healed scars on my thighs. I don’t even really know why I did it, I think I just like seeing the evidence, seeing that my inner pain can be converted and can mark me on the outside […]

I don’t feel like proof-reading this. Sorry if there are any errors or unclear ideas in this text.

I’m suicidal. I’ve wanted to end my life for several years, though I’m only 19 years old. I’ve been institutionalized twice, but I only had a short recovery after both. The medication they gave me stopped working, but things got drastically worse when I stopped taking them. Now I’m back on anti-depressants and mild neuroleptica. They worked wonders for about a week, but now I’ve gradually become more and more depressed and chaotic (in my mind).

Why is it like this? Why am I so fricking depressed all the […]

it has been a week since last week’s drama. i go in for an appt tomorrow and i am nervous. going to the scene of the crime. i hope no one there will recognize me as the loser who had a police escort out of the building. my emotions run the gamut from being hopeful about the future to actively suicidal. even when i was at the hut i found myself writing down lyrics to songs about suicide. if you are into rock music you know metallica’s fade to black and megadeth’s a tout le monde. again my “death wish” comes through. the fact that […]

I can feel it again. It’s a constant dread that looms over me no matter what I do. I feel like the walls are closing in around me, cutting me off and leaving me alone. It is a blankness that destroys all the colour in life. All that is good is meaningless in a world this bleak.

I always fear that it’ll come back, and now I can really feel it. I HATE this feeling. I despise it. It sets in and I lose touch with everything: in the past I’ve abandoned friends, lost partners, failed a degree. I can’t concentrate on anything, even recreational things […]

“What one person sees as degrading and disgusting and bad for women might make some women feel empowered and beautiful and strong.”

-Sasha Grey

Is anyone from Manchester or near Manchester in England?