My husband is going out into the field for four days tomorrow. I feel as though this is my time to go. I will have enough time to think, write letters, and make arrangements. More things happen every day to remind me that I am not meant to be here, to be alive. There is no point. No one will miss me for long, people will move on. Like they always do. They can survive without me and I think it would be a mistake for me to survive any longer. I have no talents, no friends, no love, and absolutely no control over my […]

If everytime I message her, I feel high, then what does it mean? What if it brings me out of numbness. What if after our talks, I end up feeling like shit. We come back to my old rants about love. I thought Nycolle was my drug, yet I just felt worse and worse the whole time.

Lucky for me there are people here who most highly likely feel the same about this kind of situation. But, the problem is my lack of long term solutions for this problem. What can I do? After breaking off what little we had? People from here tell me not […]

Your pain is no more

I dont know where to start.Everyday , before I sleep , I pray to God to take my life.I don wanna live anymore.I want to start with my father.He doesnt care about me , He didnt care about me till today ,btw I am 23.He only thinks money.He gave me little money even he can afford much.For example,in November , I wanted to him to buy me boots because mines were old(I was using them for 5 years).He said ok , and we went to shopping.After we bought them he abused at me hurl.Why does a dad do something like that to his son although […]

My dad told me in the car the other day that I was going to hell.

I ate at a Chinese buffet and got a fortune cookie that said, “accept yourself.” I thought if I have already, then I’m a worthless piece of shit that no one wants. I’m invisible to most, but those who see me are disgusted and try to get rid of me, one permanently. They really shouldn’t waste their time, I’ll do it myself eventually. So, they just leave. If I haven’t accepted myself, I’m sure when I do I’ll kill myself realizing I’m worse than I think.

I can’t do this for […]

my mom is always hating me everything i do is wrong  no matter if i do something good she only sees bad my sisters call me and emo fag and a attention whore i want to die so bad i cut every day each day to go on living is a struggle i gave up hope along time ago i cant even remember last time i was happy or i didnt have a forced smiled my dad and my best friend are the only ones who care but when they ask whats wrong i either say im just tired or nothings wrong im fine im […]

 this is pretty much what I would say…

Dear Someone:

First of all, I don’t think I can explain why I’ve done this so if you’re hoping to get that from this letter, just know I will probably disappoint you. Second, also know that I have always detested suicide letters. I think it’s a load because I know nothing I say is going to matter. The only reason I can think of for doing this is so that people can’t ***** that “She didn’t even leave a note” – blah. As if it will make a difference. People will draw their own conclusions and forensic psychologists and […]

It seems that when I was I was honest with myself, I at least had the comfort of knowing that I could maybe fix the problem. I feel hopeless and feel like I still lie to myself. I’m in disastrous relationships. Plural. And I don’t have my family around to being me down to earth or make me feel like I’m not alone. I’ve ruined my relationship with my best friend from high school and I don’t really talk to anyone except  my boyfriend anymore and maybe my parents from time to time. I encircle myself with “friends” I do not feel suit me anymore. […]

I used to care about the knowing but there comes a point where you realize that is a hill and you will never see the top.

I used to care about the understanding but that is just the knowings evil twin brother.

I used to care about the love but love showed me its other side called betraying.

I tried to end it all but in even that I only found failure and pain.

I reached out for help and was told to ‘fake it till you make it’  but the making never came…

I tried all the pills and the talk and was only fuzzy and gray.

I learned finally […]

I gave up something that made me live
My heart it beats in tiny tiny pieces
I hope you know that I can’t give you all of it

Does overdosing on acetaminophen work? Say I took like 20 500 mg pills? I can’t take this I. Really need. To go. Leave. Die. But where do you go when you die? I hate not knowing. That’s what holds me back sometimes. But I need to just do it, because I can’t take feeling like this anymore. Sometimes I can’t even feel anything. Tonight is the night.

fuck this.

goodbye sp.

good luck to all of you on your lives, and I hope you guys get better. Because feeling like this sucks

I think we should all take a moment to think about how the choices we make affect everyone around us. When my sister chose to sneak out and do drugs, smoke cigarettes and get pregnant, she wasn’t thinking about the arguing that I had to deal with when she wasn’t around. I listened to my parents scream at each other nonstop over disagreements on how to discipline her. She didn’t realize what it was like for me to wake up to cops knocking on the door at 2 in the morning bringing her home. She never apologized for the panic attacks that occurred within me […]

My life just took an 180º turn.. for worst.

So I had my appointment with the psychologist today. Needless to say that two minutes in and he was already giving me paper tissues. I was crying my heart out. I told him pretty much everything. Concentration problems, trouble sleeping, depression, lack of memories, suicidal thoughts (I explained I wouldn’t do it because of my mom tho). And according to him, I should had seeked help a long time ago, as now I am so deep into depression.

Result from appointment: Tomorrow I have another appointment with the psychiatrist so I can start right away taking antidepressives and […]

I understand that it seems like I just want to kill myself or whatever when a guy is  mean to me, but that’s just part of it. I’m already right at the edge. I’ve gone through seeing people die since I was 4. I didn’t understand it then, but I did at 8, when my grandpa died. He died right in front of me. Of course, that messed me up. Then I only had one grandparent, because my other grandpa had pretty much disowned my family after the death of my grandma on my mom’s side (the death when I was 4). So all I […]

Guys I’m just so weak, and hopeless, I just want to die, even though the cancer will do that for me, I just want to die now…sooner not later, now.

When books know exactly how you feel.

“So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy

and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”

“I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that.  That you wanted

to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not

be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think

wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this.

That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.”

Dear Cancer,
I’d like to tell you just how disgusted you’ve made me. You’ve invaded my body and millions of other people’s bodies. And then you kill them. Sometimes you decide to show mercy but only sometimes. Don’t you think you should spare the little kids, don’t you think you should spare the teens, the adults, the world??? Don’t you think that you could let them live their lives. Let me live mine? You’ve gotten enough haters, and I’m pretty sure the only people who like you is the nothing. Oh, exuse me, but why are you still here. YOU RUINED MY LIFE!!! YOU RUINED […]

I loved my brother so much but he won’t come back and it was my fault. Since I was such a kid I was always alone, I hadn’t any friends, what a shame for a kid.. then I grow up and things didn’t change. I have a really big anxiety and I can’t help it, I’m even taking pills but I can’t say a word at school, people laugh of me, they hate me. I feel so much pain. However at least my brother was always with me, by my side…as a real friend. He meant everything to me. 7 months ago he died of […]

pfff :'( even after getting a girlfriend it still isn’t easy to live :'(
I love sophie dearly and I’ll not die because I want to be with her (it’s a long distance relationship) but hearing that I’m not allowed to drum anymore is just so crushing :'( I want to die so badly now. I can’t cut because that would dissapoint her 🙁 I’m just drunk instead 🙁 I shoudn’t look at drugs as the answers, but it just makes dealing with things so much easier :/

I’m a failure to everyone I hate myself :'( I should die shouldn’t I ? :/ I’m a […]

my depression started when i was nine i figured out what had happend to me i was sexually assulted by parents i was put in foster care adopted into a family that is the reason of my pain and cutting and suicidal thoughts and many attempts they hate me they hate the way i dress my music everything about me they basically call me an attention seeking whore and when i cut i feel nothing and death hasnt taken my soul yet simply because i do not have one worth taking i feel like im drowning but not dying this is slow and painful life […]