fuck everyone youre all stupid self loathing pieces of shit with no real problems. fuck, i wish i just felt sad, lonely, depressed, angry and hopeless again. yeah my life actually really fucking sucks. i work a job where i satisfy rich, entitled assholes who look at me like im performing slave labor. i work and sweat for measly money no one appreciates me or EVEN KNOWS HOW TO SAY MY FUCKING NAME. Can i just say how fucked up it is to see the same people for 5 out of 7 days a week and they dont know how to pronounce your fucking […]
I tried to explain what you did to me
But I think I’ll stop trying
Cause everyone I talk to seems to think I’m lying
Or crazy cause I can’t control the cryingÂ
So go tell them what they wanna hear
Cause honesty is a liar and happiness is fear
Say what makes ’em happy and the truth will disappear
Oh I, I’ve tried so hard, did everything you want
But I, I just ain’t good enough Jumping off cliffs, done it before,
If I keep running I may end up back there
And I, I stopped myself
From hurting myself for you
But I guess […]
Today I woke up and forced myself to be in a good mood. I was going to have a good day because I was actually going to talk to people. I would take advantage of their sympathy for my messed up life (or at least a part I was for once able to talk about) and how I needed crutches for the week because I screwed up my ankle and then got really sick. So here’s how the day went…
1st Class
No sympathy from these assholes.
Them- “Was this bad luck or did you do something stupid?”
Me- Well, sort of both.
Them- “So you did […]
Dead bird (dream interpretation):
threat to ideas or hopes of freedom;
feeling life is only material;
an ideal or hope has died;
a flight of imagination or creativity has fallen;
one’s spirit feeling defeated or crushed;
a loss of sense of beauty or meaning in life.
I’m exhausted. Therapist says I’m burnt out. Everyone tells you it’s all about you changing your attitude. That if you change it, you’ll fit in and people will start to like you and feel close to you. I don’t know. I’m not someone people relate to much. I am not someone whom people can feel things for– can be close to. I don’t know how to change my attitude.
I was hospitalized this past summer for suicidal thoughts. I don’t care anymore. All I can do is feel sorry for myself, but even that is getting old and tiresome and irritating.
I don’t think I really know […]
I want to cut again. But I’m trying really hard not to. I’m going away tomorrow with a few friends and if I make more cuts it wouldn’t go unnoticable – I don’t even know if it will go now.
It’s getting harder. I pretend it is not. But it really is.
It’s been over a week that I’ve heard from my bestfriend/(ex)lover, so I guess that means it really is over. I kinda don’t care about losing the lover part, but I do care about losing my bestfriend. But I guess he didn’t care after all. I dreamt about him last night. In my dream I […]
Hi guys I’m new here so you probably won’t know me.
But I just don’t get it. I’ve not wanted to exist for over 5 years and been very suicidal in particular these past 2 years. I self harm in a variety if ways and I have been very close to death in the past. But I have never gone through with it. Why? Because I’m a coward thats why.
I recently started researching and in fact the reason I found this place is because I was researching on death by starvation and came across a topic here. I am seriously planning now. I just want it […]
I want to die so badly. There are thousands of other girls who are battling AIDS, cancer and other diseases, clutching to life, but failing, and there’s me, just crying and wishing that someone would slit my throat so I dont have to. Im just not good enough for anyone. Im not expected to have feelings, Im not expected to have wishes and needs, apparently I cant even choose my own high school elective courses, and after being screamed at about it, I am not expected to feel upset, they want me to be all smiles, hugging them and saying “I love you”.
Theres a […]
I dont want to have to lie anymore, I dont want to pretend im well when im not, what i want is to expose my deepest wishes.
That would cause a stronger prison and I couldnt bare have my wings totally ripped away from me.
So sad I just cant scream my happiness to the four corners of the world.
But ill try something small which i hope will ease my pain: I will test my therapist and deal with whatever comes from her!
Ello. Domino speaking. Back from the hospital. And being closely monitored by a drunk dad. Hahaha. I failed once more. What is this, the 5th time? Fun.. Anyways, while I was in the hospital, I was given the ‘privilege’ of having looseleaf paper and a pencil to draw. But of course, I didn’t draw, I write. So I just slept until a dream stayed in my head, and it turned out to be one of my old memories. I feel bad for leaving you all like I did earlier, so I’m gunna type it right here for you all to know a little bit more […]
I don’t care about my life enough to say anything about it so I might just pass on in silence
Isn’t it amazing how one person can make your day so much better? Owen did that for me. I think I’ve mentioned him before. Well, he was recently diagnosed with leukemia, which killed me. I realized that I really do like him. And I asked him out. And he said yes. So now I have a boyfriend that I would almost say that I love him already, because we’ve been friends for a while, and we know each other really well. Of course, I still like Trevor, but we both are in a relationship now, so… Yeah. He’s too late. Lol. 😀
Sometimes I feel like i’m nobody at all. I just feel detached, ya know? Like a dream. And things just start happening around me. I move or say something and things react slowly. I just stare at a screen that spies on my life but then there’s that sense that it’s not even my life that I’m watching. Somebody else says something, but they’re not speaking to me. They aren’t even talking to Lynne. And neither of us answer. It’s almost like somebody else is occupying my body. There’s my pale skin, my messy hair; my face and my eyes and my hands but inside […]
Your pain is no more
I look at my hips, arm and belly. Seeing those red, fresh cuts is such a relief. The lovely pain, that beautiful bright red, those little blood drops, your sharp knife. That good feeling that isn’t possible to express in words. Just that feeling that isn’t repositionable…
so here is my story. i have suffered from major depression for more than 30 years. i first remember being suicidal at age 9. my middle school has 3 stories and i would look out the window wondering if the fall would kill me. never tried and never told anyone about those thoughts. tried the pill and cutting thing in high school. i also drank a lot. in college my dorm was 10 stories. i lived on the second floor. thought about jumping from a 10th floor window everyday. never told anyone about those thoughts either. after being married for just a year some heavy […]
My friend Tennyson.. Actually, I like him. And he knows that. But he doesn’t like me. I know he doesn’t. He said so. Anyway, on the bus earlier, he pulled out a pocket knife and cut himself. I could literally feel my heart ripping itself apart because there was absolutely nothing I could do. I told him to get on facebook, but I doubt that he will. The worst part is that I heard his friend say, “Well, why do you want to kill yourself?!”. I don’t want him to die. God, he’s been going to therapy.. I don’t know what to do. I love […]
Today at school we had something called “challenge day.” Basically 100 students and 20 teachers get together, do trust exercises, and spill their guts to eachother. At the end of the whole thing, everyone feels so close. They all cried, hugged. I guess it was a big emotional event. I didn’t get to go though. The whole point of the program is to get people to realize everyone’s equal, nobody should be bullied, everyone should be accepted. I think that’s a bit hypocritical. Why do it if you’re going to exclude so many people from it? I’m not really sure about it. I wish i could’ve […]
I’ve been stuggling with mental health problems for a few years now. Although its only been this month that I’ve sought help.
My suicide story starts the day my depression began. I was 17 when my ‘best friend’ was beaten up by a group of asian lads. My friend went to the police but was told there was nothing they could do. A couple of weeks later my friend and I were in the same area and my friend spotted one of the lads who beat him up ( using glass bottles). I walked over to the lad and punched him. So hard he was […]
Hey everybody, I’ve been here off and on for a month or two. First off, I’ve met a lot of really good people on here. I think most of us SP users are really soft hearted and it’s easy to click with other people here. I don’t know why I’m writing this because I’ve made up my mind and I’m not looking for support or crying out for help. Hopefully someone out there that also feels like shit will read it and maybe get something out of it.
I’ve lost 3 people this year and my cat that I had for 7 years (I count that […]