i keep finding reasons to stay later and later at work… in the hopes that while walking back to my car i will be violently assaulted and killed. i even  deliberately park in the dark vacant part of the lot. two things though. 0ne, i don’t really work in a very high (violent) crime area. and two, i am a guy, not a whisp of a guy, but not a huge truck of a guy either. it’s sad, but statistically speaking, i would be more likely to be assaulted if i were a woman. not that i approve of it happening to others… it’s just […]

I don’t understand how I’m still alive. I honestly don’t. My last attempt wasn’t my first, it was my 16th, and I’m still not sure that it will be my last.

I would say I’m lost, but that would imply that I’m actually going somewhere; I’m not. I’m in this rut and I wish I knew how I got here, but I think it’s one of those things that creeps up on you.

So, seven weeks ago I jumped in front of a tube train. It wasn’t planned, I think I decided in about five minutes. I had previously thought about it, and I’ve been really close […]

I have thought about death for most of my life. I just want to die. My parents never cared about what i wanted. All they cared about was our family’s name or reputation. As a kid i was always in my room studying, doing extra homework, tutoring or going to summer school even though my teachers insisted that i did not need all those because i was doing excellent in the class. My parents were almost never home but when they were they would scream at me or hit me if i didn’t know how to do a problem i never learned. They were never […]

Have you ever had a dream? Aspired to be something that in even the thought of it makes your heart beat that little bit faster. Your body fill with feelings of ecstasy. You feel like you were born to be that person? Until you suddenly realise you lack the talent to achieve it.

We grow up being told our entire lives to reach for our goals, follow our dreams. But those dreams are just dreams. And reality is something we must all face on an everyday basis. Giving up on ever following those dreams. But why? Why can’t a simple girl become a popstar or or […]

I had a really tough day today. Why? I just can’t explain, but I really didn’t feel good. It was so worse that I kept my mouth shut a big part of the evening. My parents really didn’t liked it, they got very angry, but I didn’t mind. I had no idea why I didn’t want to talk. Maybe I thought it was better to shut my mouth so I couldn’t say anything wrong, but I don’t know it sure. I just had a though day. I know this post is shorter than normal, but I’m just so confused that I don’t know what to […]

right now as i write this im crying tears, and i dont know why. I want to tell my mom that i cut and that i am slowly falling apart, but if i do how will i be the strong perfect big sister and daughter that everyone thinks i am? I love my sisters with all of my heart, but.im going to break soon, and i dont want them to see it. I also dont want to call someone or some organization, because i know that i will probabaly just get put on hold. But i guess thats life? That brings me to a new […]

So many countless times I have thought about killing myself.I wrote suicide letters after everytime I think about it. I have attempted it a couple of times but then I chicken out. I’m scared of death. I don’t know what Is going to happen to me. I wish I could be dead for a couple of seconds then come Back to see what death is and if I’m able to see things again. Will I see eternal darkness, will I be stuck in a happy dream? Or will I be reincarnated as someone or something else?

I used to think that being scared of death right […]

Feeling like a piece of shit, don’t feel like I’m worth anyone’s time. I feel like people only care if you’re popular or pretty or important. I guess I’m just being stupid but this is how I feel and I’m sick of it

me and my gf broke up about 3 days ago it wasnt just a normal relationship (9months ago i lost my mother to cancer) and this girl was the only thing that  could stop the void and heartache and i dont know i honestly feel lost…

Havent seen her for a long time..she was really helpful to many back when she ws around..

Why can’t we be happy in our own company?

Why do we always feel like we need somebody else there.

In the end they will only piss you off . So why do we even bother?

Please,help me:'( I want to die!:|

Well i know there are out there so many people who may need help. Im suicidal,i have many cuts on my body. So I may know how you feel. Please..Talk to me:) I wanna help you. I may not be a therapist but i promise you i will listen. I will care. PLEASE. dont think you are alone.. IM HERE:|♥

I don’t have to commit suicide.  I will shrivel up and die of loneliness.  Every time I learn to deal with being alone, someone dangles a carrot in front of me, and as soon as I begin to trust they care,  they snatch it away, and it’s worse than it was before.  if only I could feel a man’s arms around me, nothing more necessarily.  But the carrot has been ripped from my soul again.  Even emptiness would be preferable to this pain.  Will I ever learn that trust is toxic?

I have been holding on for too long in my life. Since the age of four I have been hiding who I really am. A boy trapped in a girl’s body. I want to be free but my trans/homophobic parents/society aren’t letting me. I cant do this anymore. I may seem alive but I’m already dead. I cannot take another year as a girl, it tortures me, it pains Hunter being trapped deep inside this body. I see my self as a butterfly but I am still in my coocoon and I want out but I know I can’t. I can’t do this anymore, I […]

Yesterday I lost my closest friend. He just stopped talking to me, he won’t reply to me, and he usually replies really fast.
I know he hates me, but I don’t understand why.

He happens to be best friends with my worst enemy, and she tweeted indirectly “So glad he has finally seen your true colours”, but the thing is that I haven’t done anything that could make him angry at me.
He really liked me, and I don’t feel the same way about him, and when I told him that, he hated me, but then we sorted it out. He said he cared about me […]

Whoa boy, is it Sunday, again? It’s like this week went by so slow.

I’m not Christian, I’ll admit it. I don’t go to church, because I gave up on religion when I first tried to commit suicide when I was.. 12 I think? I can’t remember a lot. But since I’m a good little boy, I guess I can ‘offer’ up a little post from home. Just so any stuck-up Christian people that may see this don’t chew me out for ‘not going to church’ and ‘abandoning the “lord” ‘.

I was going to type up a religious and suicidal comparison thing. But then I thought of a […]

I hate sundays

I recently watched a film called The Sound of Insects. The film really resonated with me because of the story it told. This guy was fed up with life, and he knew no body was going to come looking for him, so he disappeared into the woods and committed suicide by starvation. It took an enormous amount of will and the guy has to endure a lot of pain. He just sat there under a plastic sheet with a radio, a few books, and bed made of forest floor. I totally and completely felt for the guy, because I was the guy, to some extent […]

Ever since I was little, my parents have always been different. Harder,stricter, meaner. To all outward appearances, they seem like some fairly-wealthy, friendly vignorons (grape growers). Well if they’re friendly, then they probably just dont like me. Preposterous you say? Your parents LOVE you you say?
No, they dont. Not mine at least. For years ive always been that useless, dumb child that they cant stand the look of. No matter how friendly i am, how well i achieve or how much i help them, i get more crap. Im not dumb and im not useless. But they think I am. Any thirst for knowledge […]