i don’t know what to say. i loved her.she was my life.she was always more than a girlfriend for me.i cannot imagine my life without her.actually it does not exist. i have had suicidal tendencies from quite a some time.i don’t know i have tried also but i have failed.she doesn’t care about me.she left me for another boy.she compared me with him and she left me.i can’t believe this.for how many days i have to cry. i just don’t know how to live without her.i don’t know.she was my soul.she was life.i want to die if she is not with me.please i don’t want […]

When I was 14 I had back surgery. If I had not had the surgery I would have died.  I was a minor, the surgery was not a choice I made to save my life. It would a choice my parents made to save my life.  But it did not save the life I had. I am alive but I am not me anymore. Its not the life I would have had. I have tried everything to move on but I cant live in pain like this anymore. This isnt a life.

I’m sixteen years old. I’m suppose to have this life that is exciting. But how can I with both of my parents act like my age and me acting like there age(39-42). I cut for some good reasons. To let my stress go away. I will always have the physical pain then always have the heart and mental pain. People think cutting is bad, yes in some ways it is but they will never understand until they see what its like.

My life is kinda messed up. My dad is remarried and will never understand how to take his life slow with me. I don’t wanna […]

I came close to taking my life a week ago on Monday, December 17th..   It was a very temporary crisis, but it was shockingly real.   Most people perceive me as being very strong.  My strength comes from my resiliency, but I’d sunk to the point that down was looking happier than up.

I came to this website via the link to Suicide…Read This First, by metanioa.  It builds on the statement, “Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”

My resources were thin.  Loneliness was a factor.  A recent breakup with a lover was a factor.  A cruelly insensitive comment […]

90% of my thoughts are suicide.

I can never be happy, I’m convinced. I cry literally every day and I’m just really sick of it. I used to be normal, I really did. Then, I started high school.

In the beginning of my freshman year, I made some new friends. About three months into the year, for whatever reason, these “friends” decided that they didn’t like me very much anymore. I was severely bullied by them for the next two years, which caused me to start self-harming.

As soon as this started, I met a boy on the internet. He seemed nice enough, whatever. Over the next three […]

I get so fucking tired of the “it will get better” and the “Don’t give up! That’s just when things are going to change!” or my favorite “There is a light at the end of the tunnel!” Fuck you. That light? It’s a god damn oncoming train.

Oh and those fuckin pro life bullshit assholes.. why Yes! YES!! YES I DO wish that my mother had aborted me asswipe. I dont know why she didn’t.

When I was 3 months old I had spinal menigitis. 3 weeks in the hospital. I stopped breathing. My heart stopped. No one held me. No one wanted to. […]

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I have a planned suicide date, a method(very effective) and I’m ready to die.. I’ve taken dozens of different meds and I go to therapy, I have a great family and awesome friends but nothing helps! I try to diet, go out with friends even when I don’t want to leave my room and I try to do things that make me happy but nothing works! I have 7 days left at this point and I’m 95% sure I’m going to go through with it. I really don’t know why I’m asking this but if anyone can […]

You know that feeling when you are losing yourself again, when everything you’ve worked so hard to build up is falling apart? You know you’re slipping but there’s nothing you can do except pray for strength.

I’m 17 and I’ve felt this way far too many times.

I feel lost, like my life has lost all its meaning.

This year, right after summer vacation I was called into the counselors office at school. Last year I had an eating disorder but refused all the help my teachers and counselors tried to give me. She was just checking on me and I excitedly told her how […]

Its been over a year since I attempted suicide and I am still struggling with some aspects of my experience. I decided to participate in this project because I think that suicidal people need a voice to speak about their experiences with, especially since there is an onslaught of media messages and peer pressure that distorts perceptions of suicide. Since I came through my attempt, I have decided to talk about it and hope that my story helps others, so here goes.

I’ve been suicidal for years. My Mom said that moodiness and sadness were all part of being a teenager and that it would pass, […]

It’s been a rough couple of days… I’m sorry for all who are suffering I fight with this pressure in my head even as I’m trying to put it all behind me… I did manage to find some help… I’m glad i held on long enough… I will be more careful to not drain myself providing for another who is incapable of providing in return… It’s a rough lesson to learn when its family member or a loved one… I need time away from them and now that I’ve had some help I’ll be okay…

9:43pm

Sitting here remaining positive that I won’t allow that to happen […]

you see that bird? black as night. flying flying high in the sky. You see it? that was me soaring above living my dream. once trapped living like a rock rooted to the ground. but then i leaked out red and started to float around. Did you see that tear? that was me im standing by you giving you peace. I am your guardian you’ve nothing to fear. I let you know when your end is near. I am your coscience telling you “go” it’s time to leave. You feel it? that prescence? that is me, I give you slumber let you rest eternally. You […]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qH6iRec4TvI&feature=youtu.be

this is the video of my story, please watch it. its wat has happened in my life. please.  im all alone.

Well, the long awaited Christmas break started Friday and I dont feel any better. My hopes were that with 1o days off from school that i could pull myself together and maybe actually be happy again. I was wrong, of course. Dont get me wrong, Christmas Eve and Christmas were pretty great- probably the only happy days ill have for awhile. Ive basically been hounded by my family about school and grades (the cause of my depression relapse and suicidal thoughts) the entire break. My mom is putting pressure on me to do well so i can get into med school like i want and […]

I asked God to give me happiness, he said no, I give you blessings , happiness is up to you

I asked God to Spair me pain, God said no, suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to help me love others as much as he loves me.

God said Ahhhh, you finally have the idea.

I don’t get drunk; I get awesome.

I don’t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath.

This might sound stupid because i dont really know how to describe this but it is a terrible feeling and i want to know if this happens to anyone else..

Its this pain in my stomach and sometimes my heart. A twisting knot pain that grows with intensity every hour I’m awake. It feels like I have fire or acid in my stomach/heart and someone is twisting and making knots. it feels like my stomach is turning inside out.. it’s HORRIBLE PAIN..

it doesn’t happen when I’m drinking.. or when I smoke. only when I’m depressed and think about him. if I find something fun enough.. […]

I haven’t really needed to. See I was still always suicidal (still am), but I stopped cutting like two months ago. But after today’s events, I think i’ll start it up again. You see I was perfectly happy. But there was always something lurking in the shadows, a secret. That secret was revealed today when I got a message. “Yeah your disgusting pervert of a boyfriend has been sending me and my friend nudes and dirty messages for the past month.” I knew something was up. I had a sense that I was being cheated on but he promised he wouldn’t do it again, wouldn’t […]

another letdown of a day, sitting here drinking coffee with my head pressure from my suicidal thoughts… so tired of being pissed off