So, next year, i’m going to fucking kill myself. Why? i have no fucking idea. I’m SICK of my crap. I’m sick of this depression and social anxiety. I’m sick of myself. I’m sick of being invisible and lonely. I’m sick of thinking this way. I’m sorry to everyone who actual gave a fuck about me, when i’m gone things’ll be better for you. I guess, i’m making a big mistake and i’m sinning by doing this. And from seeing people, like in Africa, who are going through war, starvation and for the woman, who go through sooo much and get raped. Grr, it makes […]

Hi darlings. Wow, it’s been a while. I think since June? July? Things have gotten worse. If I am not happy in a year I am going to kill myself. What’s the point of me living if I have no reason? I wish I could run away. I wish someone could relate. I wish this depression never returned. I stayed home from school today because I was just so sad I couldn’t bare.

Thanksgiving break starts day a whole week off. A week of without getting treated like a piece of shit. I thought today could’ve been at least a little better guess now. I just wanna break down and cry right now so bad but i cant. I hate that people call you rude names just because you dont get them what they want. She called me a ***** wow ***** come with sonething new your the biggest one i fucking know !ugh fuck this school

hahahaha thank you Wretched. that’s the word I was looking for, I do this without realizing and then those who were closest to me have given up and moved on, i’m always making new ‘friends’ only to move on to the next set. is it because I’ve yet to move on, to grow up? is it that i need to take that next life step to truly have friends or do i just not care about others? hahaha cant even answer my own questions.

I feel so empty and alone. It’s been a week since I got out of hospital. I’m at my girlfriends house. She’s asleep right now. I’m so down and upset I can’t sleep. I just want to die right now.
I feel like I should cry, but I can’t.
I want to end it now.
Earlier today, I said there were things I still wanted to do. Now I don’t care. If I die now, I’ll never care.

I’m scared of  loosing you,

I’m scared that you will realise that I’m not interesting,

I’m scared you’ll realise that you don’t love me but that you love the other girl.

I’m scared that one day you’ll wake up and realise that I’m boring and plain,

I’m scared that you’ll want to go further,

I’m scared that if I tell you what I don’t want to, you’ll ask why,

I’m scared of you getting angry when I won’t tell you.

I’m scared of loosing you, because you are the only thing that keeps me sane,

Despite being scared off all these things,

I’m not scared of death and taking my own life because I […]

Every day feels like a living nightmare. I am asleep all day with nightmares of my abuse and losing the only things left that I care about. I have no energy all day. I’m awake all night and all I do is write but now I’m losing that too. It physically hurts to move and breathe. I don’t want to be here anymore. I just want to disappear. I’m sick of the flashbacks, and the yelling, and being sick with mental illness. I’m sick of everything and I don’t want to do this anymore.

I hope I can survive this hell.. Every day of my life I’m put through this.. Sometimes I wake up and wonder why? Why me? Why today? Why again?

It’s like it’s happening over and over.. A never ending cycle.. Every day the same..

I wake up and know that it will be the same as the day before..

What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I stop this cycle?

I feel so edgy right now. Almost like there’s an itch in my mind I can’t scratch. I want to to wreck something or bite something really hard. Or eat raw meat or something. Or fuck someone, I don’t know…

I don’t know why I feel like this sometimes. I can’t decide if I want to cry, scream, or laugh hysterically.

Does anyone else get this feeling?

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Hello,  I’m new.  I dont hate life or any bullshit. My childhood wasnt bad(or as bad as it could have been) and my family  has the sames money struggles as I think most do, but  I am just a useless piece of  SHIT.  I say I’ll do it, make you believe you can rely on me and then screw you the fuck over. I’m worse then the wateriest of shits. ty.

first off let me start by stating that i dont believe in any sort of afterlife. i dont belive in god or heaven or hell. i dont believe in reincarnation. i believe that once we die we are just simply…gone.
anyway my boyfriend died a little over a year ago from heroin od. we used together but we had a falling out & he started shooting up which we never did. at around the one year mark (august) i felt like i had finally recovered and moved on from his passing but lately ive started shooting up and i chase that feeling constantly… that rush. […]

Tomorrow is so close, yet it seems to take an eternity to arrive. Tomorrow is the day I’ve decided to kill myself. I feel at a general ease with that knowledge, and my brain tells me I should be horrified with the looming prospect of my demise. Screw that, I done being afraid, I’ve had near constant head and stomach aches all week, but now they’re gone. I’m not going to take my meds tomorrow because I didn’t today, no more point anymore. I suspect I will be more anxious and sick tomorrow night, but oh well. I’ll get home, masturbate one last time, then […]

I am a twenty-one year-old who most recently spent 9 months putting together my suicide after many failed attempts since the age of twelve. I attended the Menninger Clinic and my life has changed drastically. At the end of the months it will have been six months without making serious suicide plans. After my release from the hospital I began a blog. For myself, but for others too. It shares my story, because I realized that I was not alone. By sharing my story, and sharing that I made it through the darkness, you might see some similarities and come to discover that you can […]

Hey guys,

Ive only been suicidal for about 2 months now although ive had obsessive thoughts, depression, and anxiety most of my life (im 27 f). It all started for me when i suddenly started having significant perceptual difficulties as well as cognitive (memory) problems along with severe debilitating anxiety and depression. After researching it myself and talking to dr.s I then convinced myself that i must be developing a mental illness or something similar to schizophrenia. The fear has taken over my life and the idea of having a psychotic mental illness is something that i couldnt live with so although i havent full blown developed it yet i feel […]

Help I have done it again..
Hurt myself again today. I don’t think anyone would understand me.. I have anxiety and depression i’m different from other’s.. well everyone’s different .. That’s what make’s you.. you. I just wish everyone can be treated equally.. it’s not fair to us.. we cut.. only because we’re bullied..there’s no need in bullying what did we ever do to desever to get bullied.. I know one of these day’s it’s gonna get worse and we’re going to have no one to turn to and we’re just going to commit suicied.. I just don’t get it.. we’re all different no need […]

As of tonight, I don’t know what family is. My mom walked out on my family sept. 29th, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one still in so much pain from that. She’s off with the guy she was having an affair with, I still talk to her but she’s changed it will never be the same. My dad was doing good, he planned a trip to Toronto to visit who I thought was his family. Turns out he’s going to visit an old girlfriend… Not impressed. Why? He hasn’t told me. He hasn’t told me he booked a ticket, he didn’t tell me who […]

is there a reason not to kill myself.
is there any real reason not to
its not that i want to be convinced not to. i just dont care anymore and i dont know what im going to do

Swallow. My mouth quickly floods again at the feint smell of vinegar.  It is not hunger or anything normal; it is the frantic feeling of anticipation for my next shot.  Sitting in a hot car for hours. Text received: Be there in thirty. Four hours later, Text received: be there in 25. I think to myself,”He really means it this time.”

It is time to relax. I sit on the couch and slowly string my thoroughly probed arm through the slip tie of my belt.  I draw fresh water from the cap of a water bottle. 16.. 17… 35 grains.. this should be enough. I set the […]

Often times I wonder how I reached this point. This point of no return. Of an endless repitition of internal suffering. I can’t really think of an answer. Perhaps that means that I was just destined to be this way.

Many different people think the solution is simply, talking  about your feelings or seeing a shrink or just looking at life at a different angle. But they’re all wrong. Because no matter what people say on the outside, you’ll always be that suicidal kid (no matter how old you are, actually) and despite all of the nice things they’ll say, no matter how much they tell you that they like you or that you […]