I remember the first time I thought of that.. The first time I put it in writing, you read it and cared. You asked me what was wrong. I lied and said it was just the title of something I was going to write. I’m making it true now. We haven’t even been friends for  so long. Never in my life had I ever trusted anyone as much as I trusted you. You helped me get rid of my fears. You made me feel safe and happy which I hadn’t been in years. Then we went our separate ways. I was no longer your best […]

I am reading this book right now, and here is a 2-hour video by the book’s author. I believe this book has the potential to help me in my life. I wanted to share it with you all.

It is not so much about getting rich as it is about being the master of your own mind, destiny, and being happy and satisfied with life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmCtWskzmAQ

I need someone to talk to. I have people I can talk to but no one actually LISTENS to what I say and actually responds. I feel so empty and I don’t know what to do anymore. There’s this reaccuring feeling of depression and I have major anxiety problems but I’m not using that as an excuse. I feel like my life is one big sigh and I’m geting really tired of sighing…

well, i started cutting my self about a month ago, and now i have cutmarks all over my legs, (so no one sees them) but every time i cut i go deeper, the pain is just so amazing, but, a week ago, i cut an a spot on my leg and i bled for four hours, my dad didnt notice but im scred i might hurt myself, i cant stop the pain feels soo good, i rely on it to get through the day, how do i stop?

I was actually having a good morning this morning. Thoughts of cutting and wishing it all would end hadn’t come up. That is until my bother calls me a filthy whore and my cousin calls me a disgusting girl… just when I thought things were looking up.The worst part isnt the random name calling, the worst part is believing all of it and not understanding what i’ve done wrong to deserve this.

No point. Stopping the zoloft. Going to throw myself off a bridge. Wish me luck.

It never seems to cease. Is love too much to ask for?
Today my little brother cussed me out. I know I sound so selfish right now… but I got mad. Wanted to hit him. Really, really badly. I didn’t, but I’m an open book. My mom wanted to know what was going on, but I knew better. Every time we have a “talk”, it always ends with her yelling at me and both of us getting mad, except I have no outlet. She used to hit me when I was younger. I can’t talk back, or she’ll hit me more. Every single time she […]

I ate three normal meals. 
I forced myself not to think about how many calories were burrowing into my body. 
Now I feel sick, disgusting, and fat. 
I have come to like the feeling of empty. 
This recovery thing is not going to work. I. Can’t. Do. It.

i remember the first time i did it

i was at my limit

years of torment, anguish, shame

you put me into a corner with no other way out

i felt suffocated

i wanted free…i wanted to float away somewhere nice

music so loud

it hid my cries

my hands were so shaky

i knew very well what i was doing

i never knew how addictive it would be

i do not regret it

for what is done is done

it felt good

i felt as if the pain went away with every cut

left wrist….right wrist… shoulder blades…thighs…legs

years accumulated of feeling just so goddamn depressed let go

i was a mess

my whole face covered in tears

snot dripping down

i understood it.

how […]

Life is a prison. An endless exercise in futility and mundaneness. Other people disregard or dislike me. I really should just put an end to it rather than prolonging the needless suffering.

I don’t know why I’m here. Everyone says I have a purpose, but it’s hard to believe.  You know what I believe? I believe no one truly has a purpose. People only trick themselves into believing they do. I believe that life is just some cruel joke. I believe that life is just a big game. It’s a war.

I am 15 years old, I live in the north west of Manchester, I am in year 11, I am a prefect. I have currently had spinal surgery and ever since then I have been going down a hill. I am getting so insecure, I don’t think I am pretty, I think I am fat (my friends say I am not fat and that I am pretty)  but they are my friends so they have to say that, I don’t think anyone likes me, don’t think I have any friends, I have an ex boyfriend and he didn’t even like me went we went out, […]

She was like the queen of this site. Whatever happened with her?

It’s really hard to have someone come into your life and mean so much and then walk straight out. To go through so much with them and have so many memories. To hear a song and automatically connect it with them.To have dream after dream about them being reunited with you and wanting you back and admitting how empty you feel without them.

That’s how I feel everyday, without him i feel so lost and lonely. It feels like a big rock is sitting at the bottom of my stomach and it swings around and hits my insides to have this pain reverberate through out my […]

I don’t think I can go on any longer, so I finally decided to do it. I tried suicide once before, but I chickened out and told my parents who took me to the ER. I feel sick, I disgust myself. So young in life and I already want to die. Want to know why? Because I’m too sane for this world. People go on everyday not knowing any answers, just living paycheck to paycheck. I am not skilled, I don’t try in school so I do badly. I’m unwilling to work for a good life, so I hope for a better work ethic in […]

I’m not telling you this because  I want attention, or want you to feel bad for me, or to blame anything on you, or anyone else. I just need to vent, and since I have no actual friends to text or call up, that will actually care, and not say “oh” the entire time. So I chose you, hopeing that you’ll listen. I’m worse than ever now.. I want to go back to school, I hate being here so much. I isolate myself in my room, because I hate everyone. This Insomnia blows. The littlest thing sets off my depression. My counsler is a ***** […]

I want to die.. not that i wanna kill myself exactly.. but i want to die.. i want to see what the other side is like.. is it better? is there a heaven? a hell? will i become someone new, with a different life? I think about My Sisters Keeper, when the little girl says something about there only being so many souls in existence, they just keep being placed in different bodies, both human and animal. if thats true.. i hope my next life is extravigent and beautiful.. and if not, id love to be an animal.. i lion maybe? strong. fierce. king of […]

I’m so sick of being ‘me’. The imperfect retard who has nothing better to do than be ugly. Last night, my bestfriend was begging me to go with her to the bonfire. I denied, because well my hair was all greasy and i had nothing to wear that wouldn’t make me look like a retard. As well, my social anxiety held me back, lots of people from my school was going to go. But, on the inside, i really, really would want to go, i could’ve gone to her place for a sleepover after as well. I can’t stand myself. Oh god, how i wish […]

I want to say thanks to everyone on here who as listened and talked to me. Even if you just read my post. Since I started posting on here I haven’t been cutting. Everytime I post something I don’t cut. I feel so much better..in the past few days K have started doing my hair and make up..Again thanks<3