Ok, so by the title yu can see that im new soo i dont really know what to say right now. im 16 years old, my daddy died a month ago. he was my rock, the only person i really had… but now that he passed i live with my drunk whore of a mother. shes told me 100 times she doesnt care about me. she calls me a ***** and a slut. i know ima slut but im honestly not a *****. i can act lik a ***** when someone gives me a reason but other than that im a nice person. iv been […]

I don’t even know why I made this. I’m just so depressed right now. Even when I’m happy I could kill myself. Honestly the only reason I’m still here is my family. They’ve already been through so much shit. And I don’t want them to blame themselves. But I’m just always so fuking sad. I don’t see my life ever changing. Isn’t it wrong to keep someone here who hates it so much? I think so. I’ve been trying for so long, but things never get better, only worse. I’m sacred about what comes after death though ya know? I just want to die and […]

Nothing matters anymore. I’ll end this freakin’ shit on Monday. I already bought all my remerons and tomorrow I’ll buy some alcohol. It should do the job.

Seriously, nothing matters. I was once told: “you always feel this and that and it never matters a damn thing.” And now everything I do makes my bf who I live with, upset. If I feel bad about him calling me names, or leaving all the household choirs for me, or him being in the internet with his cell when we’re doing something together, I am a drama queen who’s always mad about everything he does. I have to feel […]

Okay, so I find myself coming on to this site for emotional support, even though I only made an account yesterday. So anyways, let me tell all of you on here now, that I’ve recently started cutting. I’ve been cutting for about a month now, and I can’t say that I’m proud of it, cause I shouldn’t be, that’s why I hide it behind my clothes and bracelets, etc. but one day, I decided to tell my friend L. who also cuts, so I thought she would empathize with me. She did, she really did. she asked me why, and at the time I said […]

I filed for a bankruptcy and got some of the numbers wrong.  My lawyer says she can correct them without me getting in trouble or going to jail.  My mind is whirling out of control that I’m going to federal prison.  Along with that I have a relative that’s locked up in a high-profile case which could put me in danger if I was convicted and sentenced.  I won’t know what’s happening in my bankruptcy case for a couple weeks but in the interim I’ve contemplated suicide via firearm.  If I get in trouble/convicted I will not be able to do prison time without possibly […]

Have I ever told you that I’ve been raped by my cousin before. Yes I have, but you said there isn’t any thing that we could do.
Have I ever told you that I’ve always thought my life was similar to everyone else until I saw what a “real” family is like, and how what I’ve encountered is not in the “average/normal” range…
Have I ever told you I thought of suicide at the age of six, and still hasn’t seen a thing that makes me genuinely wants to continue to stay in this world
Have I ever told you that my emotions are fluctuating […]

HI,IAM ALISON OF 13YRS..I LIVE IN MALAYSIA…… I USED TO BE A VERY HAPPY GIRL ,A FUN LOVING GIRL….WHO ALL LOVED ALOT!!…BUT NOW IAM JUST IN DEPRESSION  ITS BEEN  3 MONTHS SINCE A BOY NAMED RALPH DUMPED ME !..HE SAID HE DOESNT LOVE ME ANYMORE!!.HE SAID I SHOULD MOVE ON !!..NOW THAT I CANT MOVE ON I WANT TO DIE ..I DONT WANNA LIVE IN THIS WORLD !IVE CRIED ALOT AND IAM TIRED OF CRYING MORE….PLS HELP ME …….. MY EYES HURT I GET NO SLEEP IN THE NIGHTS IVE TRIED ALOT TO FORGET HIM BUT I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH!..HE GOT A GIRL HE’S […]

a position to fill that can always be replaced. no one ever sees the person, just the title. everyone expects the outcome, they don’t appreciate the progress.

this worker bee is tired of being unappreciated.when gone, the honey will still be there

Ive lost a lot recently, including my self respect, my pride, and my sense of care.
I feel like a zombie. Just wandering throughout my life, devouring the souls of people who seem to be alive.
I know for certain that there is no more good left in the world.
It started when He took him…then Her. The only two people left whose hearts were as pure as God’s fingertips.
And when those parts of me fell off, I tried, really, to forget and build new relationships with new people but I have failed me greatly.
My mind has told my heart that I will […]

calcium polysulfide

I am back again with the same plea.  I need to go quickly with pills and alcohol, but dont know how is my best way of doing it to guarantee results.

I have to use this method as I cant get out and want to know how best to use my resources, what order etc.

Can anyone email me to chat?

I have to do this, no choice, so I’m not here to attention seek or get sympathy etc.  Just straight forward, blunt advice.  Thanks so much.

People keep repeating the same gruelingly clichè line to me. It’s starting to sound like a droning buzz in my ear that I can’t swat away. They tell me to live. To live because, “things get better”. What gets better? Honestly, what ever gets better? Sure, a few good things happen once in a blue moon, but to get better would mean things have to change. I’ve tried to change things myself and it was hopeless. Change….it doesn’t happen either. People *don’t* change. Things *don’t* change. They keep feeding me these bullshit fairytales. I’m 18. I have a brain that has developed more than that […]

I don’t even know why I try to hold it together any more. Ive lived most of my life as a loner and a virgin through my teenage years, i only talked to my parents pretty much and now things have changed so much and whatg I thought I wanted I hate. My brain must be fucked up or something, I hate my friends but I need them, I love my girlfriend but I want to die, I wish I had never met her so it wouldn’t be this hard to let go.

I’m a fuckin struggling drug addicted shit piece and it wasn’t even a […]

I have no one. When my world is quiet, I cry or do something self destructive. My childhood was hell, absolute hell. Ive dealt with incest from my (biological) father, A psychotic (biological) mother, who beat and abandoned us (she lost custody of 5 kids that i know of, and once tried to kill two of HER OWN children) Long story short, I was adopted when I turned 5, from one abusive family, to a sick family with money.. .. My (adoptive) dad disowned me at 9, (i couldve cared less at that point) and my sick in the head mother, after putting me […]

When I think about delivering myself there with courage, deliberation and beauty, I realize that it was destiny all along. To be alone and to want to die. That’s my path. And I can’t run from that. With each passing day, I get closer and closer. I just need to finish some of the last steps and then I can go. I can hardly wait for the day.

i’m so lost right now, i feel like i’m all alone in the world. like i’m here but i’m invisible. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like giving up, not trying anymore. I’m just about done.
I found out today the reason my boyfriend doesn’t have feeling for me anymore, its not because i was forced to move so now we don’t see eachother, its because of another girl, my ex best friend too. it breaks me down, i feel like its my fault, like i wasn’t good enough, even though i put in all i have, i told him everyday how […]

Everyone that knows me thinks I’m a really happy person. I’m popular, a dancer, and have a nice house. But nobody REALLY knows me. My closest friends treat me like shit. They abandon me, make fun of me, and use me. If I ever confront them about it, they make me feel like it’s my fault and that i’m a terrible person. I’m so fucking frustrated. They have no clue that my grandpa is battling cancer, or that my dad and i have to go to therapy because we fight all the time.

I’m sick of hiding behind this mask of popularity and fake friends. I’m […]

I think I am going to use the charcoal grill method.  I don’t want it to be messy.  I don’t want it to be overly traumatic for whatever stranger finds me.  Not sure WHERE I want to do it.  I don’t want anyone else harmed.  I want it to be a little while before anyone has the chance to find me too.  I have neighbors on the other side of the wall, so I shouldn’t do it at my home.  I want to get some things in order before I go.  The only note I want to leave is for my mom.  Just telling her […]