Romantic movies are horror films to me. I can’t stand watching them. They make me want to slit my wrists. I don’t need to be reminded of what I am missing. This loneliness is enough as it is. Would you make a starving African kid watch a movie about banquettes? It would be cruel to do such a thing. Spent my whole life trying to look like a movie star to deserve the love I saw on TV, but I was very mistaken. Once my dark energy, my negativity, my complexity, my lack of self esteem, my constant depression and my bipolar behavior  suddenly appear, […]

Does time truly heal all wounds? 

Or do they just scar over, becoming a functionless part of us, a reminder of the flawless skin that used to be beneath?
A reminder of everything that was good, that will never be again.
Sure, it will come back together, but it will never be as good as it was…

There are no more tears to shed

How many goodbyes have i left unsaid?

Did it hurt to see me die?

I know it hurt to see you cry.

I didn’t mean to be so cruel.

I know i broke all your rules.

I wish i could be normal again.

I wish i didn’t have to pretend.

All the lies and underlying hate,

will still be with me at Hell’s gate.

The hate, not for you, but for me,

is the kind that kills, it killed me.

So you see, i killed myself,

It’s not your fault.

So don’t blame yourself, you did okay.

I didn’t tell anyone i felt this way.

You may have guessed but brushed it off.

Maybe you’ll be […]

I took eight advils like three days ago, I am 12 years old a female, why didnt I die? I also cut myself on that day too…… Is there a very cheap way to die? oh ya and it would be nice if it was a fast way too…..I cant die with the car way because I dont have a garage…. If you could give me a link on how to tie a noose that would be great…..The only thing I am worried about is my boyfriend……or being discovered on the act of killing myself….

This will be my 20th weekend here in the darkness lying in bed. Pair of sweat pants, this computer and some depressing movies that understand me. A beautiful childhood, horrible teens. I was a nobody, got raped by my uncle and my father got killed. Dreamed of being a Hollywood actress, went after my dream. Literally lost my mind in New York city on my first try at 18. This bipolar disorder has followed me ever since. In my 20’s and early 30’s, I had many chances of a great life, beautiful boyfriends, was in magazines and even on NBC national T.V, but everything was […]

I was looking through the family camera when i seen all these photos with my dad and the rest of the family, must have been for his birthday.

But i am not there. I was not invited. When i brought it up with my mum, visibly angry  she just ignored me and told me to shut up.

They all think it’s normal and that i am ‘overreacting’. Wow.

My mum is moving house and she wants me to move in with her and my brother. Fuck that. I would rather be homeless, honestly. This environment is fucked, it’s so damaging. I want out. I need out.

I will not live much longer […]

I’ve received most of my exam results & its good enough for me. But it will never be good enough for father, so I haven’t shown him yet. I’ve given it all I can, but I know he will still not be satisfied with it! Lately I’ve been staying at the library late to do better in this essay, because I know that it HAAASS TO BE better than the last.

The old man hasn’t been speaking to me lately, and I know that something is cooking in that head of his. I just found out that he thinks I’ve been out and about NOT at […]

Hi, I’m Jennifer. I’m 13 years old and it seems that I’m pretty happy. Yes, honestly I’m very happy. But what my friends at school don’t know is that my home life sucks ass. My mum always yells and nothing is good enough for her. Like today she told us she was ashamed of us. She has very high expectations of us even though she knows we can’t achieve them. I do cut myself. But with a safety pin. Not too deep to where it leaves scars but just right do I feel the pain. I feel suicidal. I want to just end my life. […]

Tell me,

What do you want from me?

Do I treasure an item from you?

Have I disturbed you myself?

Have I disgusted you with my disgusting attitude?

Does simply praying everyday not enough for you?

If so, what do you want from me?

What is it that I can do to get you to guide me through?

Not to just guide me through, but to let me break free?

To let me break free from thinking too much?

Thinking of the negative, which I believe is being caused by the shadow?

The shadow that has strengthened itself to turn invisible and to cause me harm?

That is here to cause me despair and finally refuses to […]

i promised her all of me. but that included some pretty hard to deal with parts. i promised her forever, even after she doesn’t want me anymore.

i promised her all of the happiness i could give, and i feel like i really tried. i promised her my heart, and that she will always have.

the only reason i am still here is because i promised her that i wouldn’t leave her in financial ruin because of our home that we bought together. as soon as i can sell it off and remove her name from the responsibility of the mortgage, i will have nothing left to […]

I just dont understand anything anymore. I dont get how people do the things they do and how completely self absorbed they can be. Hello im right here so why cant you see that.Arent I something too? Nowadays I dont even think so anymore. Looking at myself and just despising what i see, im so tired of feeling that way.Each time i hold a knife or a bottle of pills, i cant help but think of why not and how release is right there at my fingertips.I stop each time because wouldnt i be missed by someone?But i dont really think so cuz they dont even  bother to know the […]

What happened to the times where I dreamed of becoming a world-famous dress designer? What happened to the brilliantly-written novels I was going to publish? What about that great college I was going to attend? The understanding husband I wanted to grow old with? The two little boys and little girl that would love me and admire their massively flawed mother? When did I suddenly lose interest in the wonderful experiences of life? Or better yet, why am I not fighting for these things? Are they not enough? Why isn’t the ideal life good enough for me anymore? Or is it that I am not […]

I’ve been slinging a lot of advice around here.  Who am I?

I’m a person who grew up without much supervision, I have had drug and alcohol issues since I was 10 years old.  I have been doing well for the past 10 years with the substance abuse issues.  I have had major depression all my life.  The first depression I can remember was at age 7.  I first tried suicide (with over the counter sleeping pills) at age 12. That sure didn’t’ work.  My teenage years were filled with pot, beer, drugs, boyfriends, sex…and depression.  I tried suicide again in 9th grade and I came […]

so, i feel horrible right now, & here’s why.. my mom  & i got in to an argment last night.. & it escalated in to a fight.. she choked me &punched me.. and my neck feel so sore.. god why am i still living !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >.<

i shouldnt feel this way. i got rid of all those feelings when i left my old school. i have new friends, a new identity, a new school and a fresh start.  then why do i still feel like this. I just float through life everyday, a lifeless burden to myself.  I hate everything that i am, i hate everything that i do, have done and probably will do. i walk around school with this label “smiler” because im always smiling!

“hey smiler!” “right smiler!” dont they know its all a cover? a front if you will? Im alone, scared, cutting and dying inside. I respect myself […]

The term, “I cant live without you” is really sticking with me. I’m and 18 year old female. I’m in love with another female. We’ve been dating over a year now. I’m never been in love like this. I even dated someone over 2 years .. still never felt this way. She is truely the love of my life. I dont even think of us as being in a ‘relationship’ .. I think .. thought of us as ONE. My soul is tied to hers. I feel so empty now .. now that she’s gone. I need to be close to her. I need to […]

I get excited on the days I don’t want to die. It’s this light feeling. It feels like I’m at a normal level today, you know? Like maybe this is what it feels like to not be worrying about my emotions. But there’s always the fear. Because I know it will come back. This is the calm after the storm.

The voices are inside my head constantly, they’re always screaming at me, you’re no good, why are you still alive… you have nothing to live for, you should kill yourself because you’re unimportant, you know you want to kill yourrself…why not do it,you’re fat you dont need to eat, DIE, DIE, DIE…
I hate the voices so much, i try so hard not to listen, but they’re so loud and are always screaming these things at me repetedly. They wont stop.