So I made the noose today and hung it in my outside storage. So whenever I’m ready and I feel the urge… I’ve been cutting and purging for the last few days… it seems to help for a moment but not completely. I’ve been in the hospital twice and I go to therapy wkly and am on an antidepressant but I don’t remember a time when my depression and thoughts have honestly been this bad. I dunno how to control my emotions… I’ve been diagnoised with borderlin personality disorder and am very embarressed by what I’m going thru. I dunno if it will be tonite, […]
what am i hiding?
my whole life is a lie
 will i ever be okay again?
why won’t anyone believe me?
i’m tired of trying
i’m worthless
these are just a few of my millions of thoughts… i’m trying so hard to sort them out. i hate when i think like this because there are so many thoughts and a lot of them aren’t good and they hit me all at once, and then i can’t think about anything else. i’m never free from all the thoughts that haunt me.
i am so tired of trying i get nothing out of it except a day of pain and emptiness. the picture says it all.
being brought up in a Catholic family, I came to believe that Jesus is real. Even though I pray, evil gets the better of me, and I can’t stop. When I sit in a Church, it being silent, although overwhelming in some way or another, I pull back my sleeves and tears stream down over my scars. I hear some kind of voice pleading “Please stop. You’re too beautiful for harm.” And for a second I believe, and some kind of hope enters my thoughts, but as I leave through the doors of God’s house, that’s it. I don’t care. And the cycle continues.
I dont […]
This day hasn’t been a good one I talk to the one I call mom and she fould out that I tried to kill myself and she told me that she won’t know what she would do if I was gone. The problem with that was that I can’t get those thoughts out of me head. I just keep thinking that my family’s life would be better if I wasn’t around and that my “friends” lives would have been better if they had never met me. I don’t know that for a fact but I do know that they wouldn’t have a depressed friend around […]
Till i:
Hang out with him all day
Be truly happy
Enjoy myself
Kill myself <3
Bye~
So I started school today, and it wasn’t actually horrible. I happened to jump into a conversation about one of my friends dad’s who just died. No one knew how, except for one, and she told us. I was shocked. He had killed himself, a bullet through the head. I hardly knew him, only met him once, and this affected me. Everyone had kept telling him not to do it, he had two daughters. But apparently it got to be too much. I finally realized how much something like that can affect even people who hardly knew you. So.. now I’m not so sure. Anyway, […]
what happens when your family is not there for you that the betray you… after my dad died and my brother moved out of the house i was left all alone with my mom and her Borderline Personality Disorder things changed big time we started fighting a lot more and things were not getting better I started cutting myself for a cry of help when the school therapist found out i stopped and they got CPS in to the picture a year later now that they are gone we have been seeing a family therapist once a week and i would show my arms so […]
I’m just going to write and I’m not going to bother writing well. I know I will die of suicide, I just know it, since i was 12 i had a bet on with myself that i wouldn’t make it past nineteen, so just two years to go and it should be over. I’m not even going to bother going through all the shit I have been through, starting when i was four years old, and yet i tell people it all the time for the joy of seeing their faces. I’ve been raped and abused both sexually and emotionally (suprisingly the emotional abuse is […]
All of you. I’m not well, I’m not sure. You share my pain, and even more.
Hi,this is my first post as in such . I am nineteen years old and am a male. I have always hated myself since god knows when .I am 6 foot tall and people call me ugly and fat and incapable to have a girlfriend.I always felt shy around people and I always go by the motto ” I dont give two hoots what other people thinks of me”. I have so called “Friends” who smile and laugh at me and say stuff around my back and people use me to do stuff for them. Its as if I am their puppet. My mum […]
i lived..not long..ive loved…always…but now…i MUST DIE. its probably just time to say good-bye-_- this has too much of a long repetitive story thus i just leave this as is. -_-
In the dark with the music on
Wishing I was somewhere else
Taking all your anger out on me
Somebody help
I would rather rot alone
Then spend a minute with you
I’m gone, I’m gone
And you can’t stop me from falling apart
‘Cause my self-destruction is all your fault
How could you, how could you, how could you hate me?
When all I ever wanted to be was you?
How could you, how could you, how could you love me?
When all you ever gave me were open wounds?
Open wounds
Downstairs the enemy sleeps
Leaving the TV on
Watching all the dreams
We had turn into […]
Im 24 years old, married, a mother of two, and i have been suicidal since the age of 12. I attempted many times, been hospitalized, been on any med you can think of, and i still cant pull myself out of this. Truth is, i love my husband, but our relationship was abusive in the past, i developed PTSD. Also coupled with molestation as a child, i have alot of anxiety. I have also discovered that i have been in love with a long time friend for a long time. I sleep with him on occasion, and i just want to stay there. Like i […]
I’m suicidal and have been for several months. I’ve a history of depression and anxiety and for the last few years it’s been managable but now it’s got really bad again and it’s making my life hell.
I’m off work sick and facing the possibility of being sacked. I work for a mental health charity and things have been bad recently for me at work which is causing me to be depressed and suicidal.
My boss hates me and I’m stuck at home with my mum and am a terrible burden on her. My whole life has been a failiure. I just am sick of living and […]
I’m so lonely…  I really want to fall in love again. But nothing is good enough for me. And I’m not good enough for my crushes. Why do I always chase after popular, handsome guys who have no interest in me? Why can’t I be happy with a guy who actually likes me? Just because they aren’t handsome? But… Maybe I should try o date with some simple guy? But.. I really can’t… I just feel worthless because of them… I don’t like them and I don’t want them, so why they are trying to get me anyways?
And there’s very handsome guy in my school that […]
i am numb. i am invisble. i am stuck in life. i was a mistake. i am not supposed to be here. i am pointless. why are we on this earth? just to reproduce? whats the point? should i be glad to be human? ha im not. being the most intelegent we feel the most pain. as i waste away in my tears i remember a time when i was happy and free. when you werent judged. i should just go now. i have caused so much pain to to others. i am done. sorry is just a word. i cannot undo anything i have […]
Recently I’ve picked up a martial arts class. Originally I picked it up to be able to kick peoples asses properly for the day I predict I’ll snap. After a few classes, I’ve noticed how rough it all really is. My body hurt after every practice from the breakfalls and hits, but I liked that pain. Like right now my shoulders are dead and my tailbone is screaming with pain. But I like it. Not in a perverted way. It’s more like my old views towards cutting myself, it’s exhilarating. I’m thinking that if I keep at this class and come home every night with […]