I have a good life. Amazing friends, a family that loves me, and that on its own is enough to keep me going;

This year was really tough for me, I lost a lot of friends, seen true colors come out, and have felt like it was the end for me. November 15th, 2011 was when my self-harm started up regularly. I had just been cheated on by my boyfriend that I loved very much, my friends turned out not to be my friends anymore, my family was facing a huge loss for money, and I felt alone. It felt like I had everybody against me and no supporters. Looking back now […]

i am a pathetic person , i won’t bore you with the details, the important thing is that i am. its who i am and i can’t change it. i can maybe repress it but i can’t change it.
i hate myself because i am who i am, which makes me hate life maybe even more. i am at my wits end, i am in therapy and whenever they think my problems are getting better or aren’t the worst they could be i get really upset. what i want most in the whole world is go through something so terrible, like being abused for years […]

Hello

I have not been here in a long time.

it has been so long i cant remember my last post.

for the last few months i have been happy, i was truly happy. I had everything i ever needed or wanted. All i ever wanted was love again. And reacently i found it in my new wife and her son. they have been my whole world for the last few months. Happiness eternal.

I want to share with you everything i have learned.

I am bipolar, i was diagnosed as a child. I have always dealt with it. I had a loving family. I had everything.

When i was in college, […]

i can hold it back for a week or two then like now it just all comes out. fuck life. -_- i wish i can just walk out of the earth, if it were only that easy, but everytime i try…obviously i fail :/

1. 27/9/12 something is going to happen, but i don’t know what.

2. People are planning to do something, which includes the olympics. A big tradegy…

3. Everyone is a robot trying to keep a secret from me.

4. This is all just a sick dream that i can’t wake up from, and someone is controlling me.

5. I should just kill myself… he tells me this a lot.

6. this one time, he was actually nice. And described my afterlife to me… And it sounded amazing until he said that he will be there as well.

7. the illuminati? Are they controlling me…

8. The olympic mascots. There is a theory […]

After reading about helium and other i thing that hanghing is the best,what do you thing about it? thoughts?

nothing excites me anymore. :/ my birthday’s coming up this week and i’m going on a cruise soon..i know i should be happy but i find myself not caring about things anymore. what’s the point in life? what’s the point in moving on?

believe me, i definitely don’t like feeling this way..i wish i could change it but i don’t know anything anymore.

this is probably a pointless post that no one will bother reading, but if you did bother reading it, thanks for caring.

I’ve decided that if things don’t get better, I’m leaving in november. And you all know what kind of leaving i mean.

If anyone needs me. or even just wants to talk… Feel free to email me and we can go from there. MissN.JejnaATliveDOTcoDOTuk

But don’t try to get to know me, You won’t like it. I don’t like it. And then you will just leave… Like the rest of them.

If everyone’s going to leave me.. Does that mean that daniel will too? Or maybe that’s his plan… To make me seem that fucking crazy everyone will leave me and he can have me all to himself.

Don’t […]

Been battling depression for 5 years.  It keeps getting worse.  I dropped out of college.  My brain refuses to hold any information or be educated anymore.  I would rather die than ever go back.  I never had a job and really cannot picture myself doing a job at all.  I fail at everything I try, odds are I’d mess it up somehow.  My social disorders cause me to not make friends, or have a hard time keeping them.  I no longer wish to talk to anybody.  Any group of people I’ve tried to be accepted into, even those who normally accept people, have rejected me […]

………..i hate the person in the mirror

I get the feeling that i should leave, Obviously I want to permantly leave but i’m talking more about this site.

Is there any point in me staying? I’m so repetative and crazy… But I just want to thank you all. I really appreciate everything you have done.. All of the advice and humour and just being a friend for someone in need. I’ve met some amazing people, and i hope for their sake that things get better and they don’t leave…

I’m only 15, but alreay i feel like i’m at the end of the road. And that road was a *****. But this isn’t the […]

i feel a repeat of last night happening tonight again. if so i no if i cut theres a better chance of feeling better for tonight, if i cut ill most probably have a better night but ill have to hide the cut till it heals and i might feel bad the next day. so thats my dilemma in my head.

They think I’m spoiled

That I’m a bad kid

But what do they know?

It’s only a mask

It’s not me

I lost masks

A really, long time ago…

I don’t know who I am

Any more…

he is mine. he is my reason to live. he is my everything. he is the one. he is. yes. he is. i love him. some dont. fuck what they say. he has his way of loving me. and i can never get that from someone else. he is mine. i wont let him go. my love for him is here to stay. this may sound obsessive. so what? idc. he is mine, he loves me. im his baby.
i love you!

I’m new here. I need a place to vent and maybe help others understand they aren’t alone.

It all started when I was 14. I don’t know why but my bi-polar came into full swing. I was already a confused lost teenager to begin with. I was shy, kind and pretty naive. I sought love thinking it would make me happy. I played football and I was good at it, thinking it would make me happy. I wasn’t super popular but a lot of people knew who I was. I thought being known around town and my school would make me happy. I dreamed of the day […]

How can I live there

When all I think about is the past

How am I supposed to go back

When all the time I keep hating

and it feels like I am rushing

What is the rush for?

Everyone has grown up

Why can’t I?

What am I supposed to do?

I have been in bed since Sunday evening after my….”breakdown”. Still shaking, still feeling generally lowsy, still crying and still randomly short of breath. I don’t know if my nervous system is shot or if I have finally just went mad..either way I’m a mess.

She chose to walk alone.
Though others wondered why.
Refused to look before her,
Kept eyes cast upwards,
Towards the sky.

She didn’t have companions.
No need for earthly things.
Only wanted freedom,
From what she felt were puppet strings.

She longed to be a bird.
That she might fly away.
She pitied every blade of grass
For planted they would stay.

She longed to be a flame.
That brightly danced alone.
Felt jealous of the steam
That made the air its only home.

Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.

Some say […]

I have no interest in anything anymore…I have no job..Im single for the first time since I was 17 and Im lost…My mother is making my life Hell…my “So called”, friends are making things so hard for me..there is only one person I thought I could trust and I considered him my best friend who I could talk to about stuff but he screwed me over time and time again so I have pushed him so far away…and he’s getting mad about it,trying to make me tell him how I feel…But I don’t want to..I don’t want to talk to anyone anymore…I don’t feel..I just […]

Down the rabbit hole,
Or inside my head.
They lead to the same place,
Is what I said.

Like watching a dandelion in the breeze,
Or a bubble in the wind.
Following ants on my knees,
Gives me the same sort of grin.

Oh, in a world so big,
To be so small,
Unlimited adventures,
To each and all.

Without maps and lines
To keep them contained.
Or a globe in which
They know they remain.

In an […]