Ugh, I threw my blades away and now I crave them. I just want to die again.
Reading some of the posts here just break my heart. There are so many people that have been, or – in some cases, currently subject to the most hideous abuses by those that are supposed to care for them. Those with drug addicted or alcoholic parents, those that are being physically and sexually abused by members of their own family, or even worse.  It makes the trials and tribulations of my formative years, whilst far from idyllic, seem like paradise in comparison.
Then, there are those for whom fortune has gone and taken a great big dump all over them. These are the people that were […]
I am, aren’t I? I am going mad.
How am I feeling?
Absolutely, positively, maddeningly sad.
I went to the gas station by my house instead of having dinner, and spent the whole time asking myself a never-ending string of what if’s? Â What if all of this is a waste? What if everything is irrational? What if? What if? What if?
When they say “It’s sink or swim”, What if you just get the fuck out of the water?
So in depression is it really sink or swim? Â You can drown in depression, or struggle to swim away… Unless you get the fuck out. Take a […]
lately, my mind has been on its own. what i want is not what it wants. i want to be happy, carefree, an no longer adding heart ache to others cuz of my complaining. i want to be the one that people go to. i want to be the one everyone talks bout in a positive way. i want to say im not depressed. i want this and that but my mind is addicted. addicted to the sadness ive felt for so long. it always thinks negatively either upsetting my friends or causing harm to myself, sometimes its both. i wish to wake up one […]
well…i guess i can say it started when i was only a few years old….my parents were both drug addicts…i was in the bars with my mom and dad till my dad met my step mom when i was almost 4…for me it was normal….but then again so was buying my own food at the store, stealing money from my mom while she slept of the drugs and alcohol for the food, being used as collateral when she didnt have drug money, and being molested by her many boyfriends. then id go home to my dads, he and my mom worked alot…and did drugs so they werent always […]
My sadness is turning into anger, I know that the lack of food is contributing to my irritation but I can’t help to feel abandoned. Out of all the people that said they love me why has no one called? My parents don’t know about my decision to stop eating and keep pressuring me by shoving food in my face and eating my favorite things in front of me I even tossed a slice of pizza out the window and tell them I was eating just to get them to stop, every smell is powerful and temptation is painful. I know they only do it […]
I’m 24 years old and have been depressed since i was six. I was raised in a family where i could never be good enough no matter how hard i tried. I was always compared to my older sister because she did well in school, and was grounded pretty much from first grade till high school. I have tried to commit suicide several times, usually with something going wrong (or right according to some people). In high school i started cutting myself to deal with my depression as it became worse. When i went off to college i met this girl who was popular and […]
I know a lot of people have issues against drugs, and especially illegal ones at that. However, the simple fact is without drugs we would be less of a productive society, but it depends on the drug of course; some drugs make our society worse. Â We know what they are, but I think we all can agree that some drugs have important application. Â If you’ve ever been suicidal (who hasn’t?), we know that something causes this reaction in our mind to give up. Â It’s due to ourselves unequipped to deal with the pain or failing to find the answers that got us to this point. […]
I’m dying for her. Literally. I gave everything for her yet she’s gone and is living her life as happy as ever while i’m stuck at home thinking about her and all of the times we shared. She repeatably told me she loved me and I used to believe her.
But now she doesn’t give a fuck that I can be seconds away from landing up in another hospital or in a graveyard. I will die for her I will do anything in the world for her but I know she doesn’t feel the same. She’s my first love and I just can’t get over her as hard […]
I’m just so bloody fed up! I’ve quit drinking, smoking weed and smoking cigarettes, these used to take me away for a bit from the heavy depression i’m now feeling all over. Today I got rid of my best friend once and for all because they were just bad for me and made me feel like shit most of the time.
Although I’ve done this, I now have no one as I don’t trust anyone and find it very hard to get close to anyone.
A friend of my family committed suicide a few months back and the damage they caused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I can’t help thinking how lucky […]
Why can I not find the strength to say no to you? Why do I keep letting you in to my life even though I know when you leave it will hurt and destroy me.
Yet again you text me asking to come round and yet again I said yes. I promised myself that I would discuss my feelings and talk to you this time but it didn’t happen. You put on a film and sat there texting all night, whomever it was I don’t know but I caught a glimpse of the message and it hurt me deeply. You then asked if we could go […]
I hate to say it but I’ve heard it from so many sources. Just be happy! Maybe there’s something horribly wrong with me but I can’t push myself to be happy. I should be though-from the outside my life kind of seems pretty fucking OK. Nowadays I feel guilty and anxious because I can’t bring myself to enjoy it. It’s there, right in front of me but forcing myself to be happy?
That only deepens my anxiety making it so much worse. I tried to ask for help, to make people understand me but they can’t. Now the plan switched to: I’ll off myself if I […]
Everything was good, I was happy.. Maybe I just convinced myself I was? I just don’t know what to do, how to help myself.. I hadn’t cut in like three days.. Now I’m watching it pour out of me.. So now I’m going to drink myself to sleep with a bottle of vodka, maybe ill add a few pills and finally finish it to fuck!
Im about to do it rite now…..please help
Warning: If you are one who still has faith in god and/ or government, do not watch the following link and/ or movie:
Zeitgeist the movie
How Science save my soul
So far, society has made an attempt to “fix me” with non-applicable laws, jesus, Zoloft and a host of other inventions to keep the masses from free-thinking. I guess society was hoping that one of these things would “take hold”, but I’ve had too long to think for myself. I’ve had an epiphany. I’m not the one who’s FU(K!NG BROKEN! Now I’m a problem. I feel justified in my thoughts and actions. I cannot be easily controlled. I question everything. I insist on relying on my own research and take nothing at face value. This is […]
As my anxiety grows, so does my appetite for death.
The thing is i’m not quite sure i know who i am any more and I dont really care.
I had a breakdown last week at a school trip. I  sat somewhere away from everyone else. I knew no one would come and check on me because they don’t see me as their real ‘friend’ because I’m too different from them. So I sat alone as my mind reminded me of everything that’s gone wrong and the reasons for them. I remebered why my friends left me. I remembered why I almost killed myself last year. I couldn’t think straight. Then as i’m about to cry who else to come […]
numbness of the mind
rots inside its self
begging you to be kind
only to yourself
i want what i cant have
numbness makes me aware of this
another threatening stab
killing whats left
god why?god why? god why?!?!