Married mother of two with the nice house, white plastic fence, and a dog. I was sexually,mentally, and verbally abused most of my childhood and emotionally abused throughout my pregnancies. I’ve been broken way too many times and the thoughts of everything that happened to me won’t stop haunting me. I tried to kill myself a few months ago with liquor and 90 flexeril, I counted every single one I sadly didn’t succeed. I’m trying the whole happy pill and therapy crap, I’ve been on four different kinds of pills and I get seen four times a month and I just feel sad and […]

A year ago, I was the happiest married man on the planet. I didn’t think that I had a good marriage. I thought that I had an amazing marriage. My wife was the center of my life for 29 years, and I loved her (and still do) more than my own life. I knew that if everyone in the world betrayed me and let me down, she would still be there. I knew that she would never betray me, never lie to me, never cheat on me, and never leave me, and I knew that she would always love me as I loved her, then […]

I’ve been going through severe depression for several years, causing me to lose everything I had ever worked for – my marriage, my profession, and many of my friends. I’ve been in treatment, which doesn’t help. When I was at a particularly low point, right after I lost my job and my marriage collapsed, I reached out to my best friend of almost 20 years. We’d been very close since we were teenagers. I told him how horrible I was feeling and that I was scared I was going to die. I asked him to come see me. I wanted help. I was thinking of […]

So, I talked to a therapist today. Decided on the spot to just bawl out everything, lol. She signed a confidentiality agreement, so she can’t talk to ANYBODY without my prior approval, not even the state.

So, anyway, after I spew my guts to this woman, she sits there for a minute, dead silent, and then she goes, “You know what? You don’t need a therapist. You need a time machine and a shotgun.”

O-O

I think I love her, lmao!

She’s closing my case next week. Her only recommendations are to move as far away from my sister as possible, change my phone number, and call the lawyer […]

I do not know anymore

The more I am ignored

The more I become annoying

The more frusterated I become

And the more of a bitter coward I turn into

I do not want to be afraid anymore

But that is all I know how to be

I do not know which path to take anymore

All I do is cry

Remembering is just a lie

Memories taunt me every night

Then it seems the next day

Feels like I am insane

well my therapist person iv been seeing for over 2 years told me that she is leaving the service in september so we either dicuss going on to another person or i stop having indiviual therapy sessions, im not sure about this. part of me thinks that this is a natural end to my individual sessions as i missed a few then just didnt have one for a while and things got a bit better but then again im scared because i dont really want to have another therapist afterall isnt 2 years long enough for me to not need one anymore? i dont know, […]

I have been through shit in my life. Not metamorphic shit literal sticky stinky shit….

Got raped got pregnant got aborted at 16. Was a prostitute. Never lived a happy life. But I never gave up…. I struggled struggled and faced the world. Finished my law. Did my masters. Got settled with a job in a US based MNC which is paying me 3 times more than my friends. Known as one of the smartest worker. Yes i achieved what i wanted to!! Am i happy???!!!!!!!!!! No………………….

Now, i dont see any meaning in being alive. Everyday sucks. Mom reminds me of my bad past everyday. […]

I think about dying everyday of my life. I cut my wrists but was found and went through a long surgery and was taken to a mental hospital by a judge’s order. I only had to stay eleven days because I learned quickly to say and act like they wanted me to so I could go home. I caused such grief to my family that I hear about it every day. I was trying to be honest about how I thought about dying all the time. Now my family is tired of me being this way and my husband finally screamed, “Just do it and […]

Hey everyone, I am having problems with love right now.  I was trying to find a girlfriend but I mostly see girls that are kissing guys or gay girls.  As a result I just feel left out because I am single.  After a while of being single, I became lovesick.  I lay on my bed not socializing anyone, just thinking about myself just trying to find a girl but to no avail.  Worst case scenario, I feel like committing suicide.  I just can’t handle being lonely and dateless. Whenever I look at teen pictures that show a girl and a boy kissing each other or […]

Okay, well this is my story..

I’m quite young and I’m broken. I’m depressed and suicidal, clearly.. and i selfharm. I put on the fakest smile every single day. I’m miserable, I just want to be dead, to be free, to be happy. I have tried to take my own life many times, I don’t really have a massive story. But my depression has taken over me, my self eestem is horrible, I can’t leave the house without crying, I’m horribly fat and aswell so ugly. I hate leaving the house because I usually don’t have the nicest clothes because i’m not rich, my family struggles […]

I lost my best friend to cancer. I first met her when we were 9, we played basketball on the same team. We had clicked instantly. Best friends right away. She lived two blocks away and we always would meet at the park to hang out. She was a year older then me and she was like a big sister. She always had my back and looked out for me. When she was 12 she got cancer. She had it for three months and then the doctors said it went away. But then four months later, just before she turned 13, the doctors said that […]

And by ridiculous I mean stupid.. Lol

The Beatles – I’m a loser

I’ve never complained. Never whined about how horrible it is to wake up, never screamed at the people who call me lazy, when simply existing takes everything I have. Nothing bad has ever happened to me. I can’t cry about not having a mom to love me, bad friends, abuse, rape.. all I can say is that I don’t want to live. Thinking back n my life I never had that drive to live. Never. The one person I dared to talk with about this made me regret it every time. I have never trusted people, never let anyone inside my head. I now […]

i have been doing good in the last three weeks.Now i really dont know what to do.My voices have suddenly come back with a vengance.They were really quiet and i was fine.Hearing them a little is normal.But lately there pretty loud and constant.I wont call anyone theyll just bring the cops.I dont hate cops unless i have too deal with them so i try to stay away.My insanity is increasing day by day. I will possibly end up in the hospital for an attempt.I dont know what else to do two of my therapist are sick one i dont see my main therapist till monday.And […]

Life is just luck of the draw
I wish I was luckier. Life has been going down hill for such a long time, and honestly I’m not sure I can endure.
I’m growing so tired, even my health is declining. I feel so sick, and I’m only 18
Life doesn’t seem to hopeful, and its not just because I’m young,
everything in this world is controlled by might, by power, and I, have no power
Sure, everything is in the mind, illusion and manipulation, but honestly I’m so tired
This world is full of the mindless, the uncaring and ignorant
So many horrible things are […]

Is it mad

Am I really just insane

Talking about the past

I can’t seem to stop

The tragic pain

Just wont recover

The past

Just trapped

Trying to fix it

But cannot

They always want answers

Everyone always just wanted answers

I’m trying to give them

But they just don’t understand

They just wont listen anymore

I wish to be free from the past

I wish to be away

I think I am much more insane than I was before

Anxiety and depression taking over my soul

and body

Everything good or bad

Now just the way of life

Everyone says love yourself but I can’t. I hate myself. I look in the mirror and I see ugly and horrible. I made a lot of mistakes in my life, but that one night went too far. I lost the person I really like and my friend you talked me into it but when i did it you got mad you knew i was drugged . I hate myself. It shouldn’t have happened. But it did. Now i look in the mirror and I see skin and bones and slashes through out my body. I hate myself. Everyone is right, I shouldn’t be here. I’m […]

As you can tell by my new post I didn’t hang myself!! I went and talked to my aunt and she is going to help out. My son and I will be moving into her garage apartment this weekend which is a huge help because she is only going to charge me $200 a month for rent and food! She called her church and tonight I got a huge bag of clothes for Broox!!! Little man is styling in his new batman pjs as we speak.

As I’m writing this Broox is laying beside me sleeping with his little legs thrown over onto mine and I […]

I guess I am too late.

Too late to do anything anymore

but just isolate myself.

all i do is cry

wishing and hoping

all i want to do is stop

my memories are taking over my soul

im too afraid now

im more of a coward now

i’ll never get the answer

nothing that i have done

will ever work

im tired

too tired

i don’t want to give up

but i can’t go thru this

i wish there was something i could do

i just wish.

i have been in 5 other long distance relationships and this one with u is the hardest. probably cuz my love for all 5 others combined doesnt equal the love i have for u, i love the way we both dream of us being face to face one day, how u say i mean more to u then ur life, how u say u wanna mary me, how u make me feel incredibly happy when i hear from u how no matter the distance its always like im right next to u how every morning when im bout to wake up i think ur right […]