My life isn’t full of rainbow and fairies, instead it’s full of depression and pain. Ever since i started school from day 1 i was bullied, i was the punch line of every joke, and the last to be picked for sports. It got to the point where i’d walk around alone at lunch and watch everyone but me have fun. When i was 7 my parents decided to get a divorce. My parents went to court to fight for custody … of my sister and not for me, they didn’t care. My mum re-married to an abusive man who sexually and physically assulted me […]
I barely slept. Maybe 4 hours. I should have waited one more so I could have woken up wide awake. I met some wonderful people. Emilio, Jamielyn, Alanis, Tosha and Allison. They are all awesome.Â
I was texting them all night long. I’ll be fine though, the tests, work, and videos require little brains to do. I remember everything when not being forced to go to school.
My dad, brother and stepmom are in long beach by now at a giant stadium, but instead f sports, it’s for their fuckng cult. Haha
We live in hell, earth is hell I’ve explained it well. In a past life I […]
Today i just fond out how verry crule someone you love can be when that love is no longer reiprocated.which is usualy the case.but this came from someone i never thought would say such things.i never thought a person could feel such a pain soooo bad that wasnt physical.actualy i dont think any physical pain could compair.i am sure i will die soon because i cant take this pain.i guess im a big *****.im not being a man.but i am crushed and not even my 4year old son can keep me hear any longer.words cant explain the anguish i feel inside.i know we all have […]
i have not felt like myself for a long time and at this point i have lost all the life in me. i pretend to be happy and carefree like he person i was, but i don;t think i can ever get that person back. i don’t know what happened to me. i don’t even know whats going on. none of my friends would ever understand and to be honest i guess im just blaming the minor flaws in my life for something else. i know theres some bigger problem going on, but how willl i ever know what that is. right when i have […]
Be yourself they say . No one will judge you they say . Bullying & suicide only exists in movies , it’s not real they say . Well they were wrong . Things that all of us as kids never thought were impossible to do are now becoming possible . Suicide. Rape . Bullying. Emotional. Physical . Relationships. Abuse. These are all things we have to face and deal with on a daily bases . Things that I have to deal with on a daily bases .
My name will remain unknown as well as all my personal information , but at least once a […]
i’m depressed from a break up .
i’ve listened to every piece of advice i ever got in to acting like i don’t care… acting like i’m moving on
but seriously? i’m literally ..torn. My heart has been stomped all over ripped out of my chest.
I honestly feel like such a piece of shit , how could i let someone do this to me?
Everyone says .. it’s going to go away give it time.
Maybe it will go away .. but i lost myself when i lost my love.
I’m fading. I’m turning into NOTHING.
my self esteem is missing , my confidence is gone.
I have no hope , my […]
What did i do?
I was friendly and being myself for you and in the end you hurt me, made me so angry that i am crying.Your a friend arent you suppose to support me ? Not tear me down to ruins or make me question our friendship. What did i do to deserve this pain. Havent i been through enough you know my story but stills you hurt me…..oh sigh i trusted you i told you everything and you are just like the rest i thought you were different….my mistake.
Why did i trust you? :'(
My Suicide Story
I wanna kill myself so bad, i cut myself everyday, i wish people knew what i was going through. I live with my dad who threnthed to rearange my face, he said he will put my mouth on the other side of my face, make me blind, he also said by the time the doctors got done i would never be pretty again, Evan the doctors wouldnt look at me. My brother comes next he threw me in my room and busted myhead up against my drew, and then broke my bed. My uncle done worst when he punched me in my […]
I started texting a guy yesterday, and well its been great. Hes made me so happy and feel so loved, I didnt even notice the little bits of depression through out the day as much as I usually do.. Hes just amazing (:
Even if it dosent work out to be something more..atleast I know ive made a great friend
So yeah yesterday the 21th was my brothers birthday. He turned 6 this year. He was really happy, we had pizza, hotdogs, and a soccer cake. It was going really well… until dad came home from work. Like always he was drunk. So when it was time to eat the cake my dad started crying. Do you know how hard that was for ME, seeing my only father cry. I started crying as well… I was scared! My grandpa told him to calm down and eat. But then my dad got up went to the kitchen and grabes a knife. He then […]
People say am over emotional, they say am easy read that am sensitive, of lately thats all i hear from people about me and i guess after years of hiding my sensitivity to obstacles in life ,am getting rusty ever since i opened my self to my bf.
This is not me am a fighter, i refuse to be run by my emotion, right now i have reached my max an am ready to yell an scream at ppl, am feed up have hidin hw i feel to be respectful etc i am fucking going to be me. So fuck pretenders, fuck close minded […]
Everybody is sad
But no body cries.
everybody is down.
but all they do is lie.
everybody laughs smiles and hugs
but nobody loves.
everybody giggles
everybody is shyÂ
but deep down everybody
is breaking down and crying.
everybody sleeps and goes off into there dreams
but no body sees the kids who cry themselves to sleep.
Dreams are your utopia! The place you wanna stay
but when you wake up you wish your life away.
Going to school a hard thing to do,Â
especially with friends who don’t care what you do.
You’ve told them your down but they don’t care
they just sit there and stare at you blankly because
what your going through, they don’t understand.
Its hard to live
but its […]
A few days ago i was diagnosed with bipolar not otherwise specified. my medication that my pyschiatrist is only enhancing my mood swings. its horrible. i feel like im going crazy and im a ticking time bomb. i almost threw objects at my sisters at two different times; today and yesterday. its getting really bad.
wow, in order to forget the pain in my leg and ankle i have to over does on pills to give me a killer headache but im still miserable and in pain this is so fucked
K I haven’t been there in two years but I need somewhere to go so…. Escaping to my cave in my head. Who will I imagine is with me? Nat 🙂 First danger, a dragon. K Rogue let’s slay a dragon! In this cave I’ll confess everything and cry in your arms. Imagine your reactions and words. It’s the only thing I can do right now. Forget that I was just reminded why I HATE my stepfather and brother. Get me out… Hide with me in my cave. We can make it our own world. Just don’t let me be alone for a moment.
I am not my body’s reaction to the outside world.
Because I feel it does not make it real.
Pain is an indicator of injury much like an alarm sounds to alert of fire; pain is not personal.
I am stronger than the machine I operate; when it breaks down, I do not break down with it.
When it rumbles, slows, trundles, sputters, I conduct maintenance and nothing more.
My body is the machine, I am the operator. Its pain is not mine. Its biological desires are its own. Its limitations do not bind me.
I am something else.
I don’t really know how to start this out seeing as i havn’t talked to anyone about this yet. I guess i’ll just start with i’ve been having suicidal thoughts lately and it wouldn’t be hard considering my dad has a gun license and has several guns in the basement in which i know how to load and use. I can honestly say i don’t love my mother. My father is the best dad i could ask for but my mother is not. My mother treats everyone like they’re dirt especially me. I can’t stand up to her because i have no where else to […]
I’ve been feeling worthless and its like no matter what I do I feel the same way I get up in the morning thinking to myself “why do I have to wake up? No one needs me”
How does someone know when its timer to give up?