Hey guys. I feel really dumb posting on this thing but I don’t know what to do. I have been feeling wicked low lately, well for a while but really really bad lately. I cannot even really put my finger on what is wrong. It just is. Everything feels awful to me. When I am with people I want to be alone and when I am alone I don’t want to be although when I am around other people I barely feel like I am even there. I can hardly think or get control of myself. I have no motivation and I feel empty and […]
To Z and J,
I don’t know how things ended up this way. Was it my fault? Was it your fault? Does it matter? I just can’t believe we’ve ended up where we are. I was so in love with you. I am still in love with you, I think. Despite everything. I guess that makes me stupid and crazy. I know you don’t care about me anymore. Even worse, maybe you hate me. Maybe I deserve that.
I’m so hurt by how you’ve acted since we broke up. Remember how we cried together, hugged, and said we loved each other? What happened? When did you start […]
By reading most of the post’s here really revolve around love. Or lack there of. Usually a father or BF/GF thing. I know some of my issues stem from relationship shit. Why do we insist on letting our selves be torn apart by the opposite sex?
Im just going to rant.. Yes I realize nobody actually gives two shits but  whatever.. So, I wake up this morning and automatically felt angry, sad, stressed, and to add on that my medication is making me sick due to not having food to take with it.. So I call my work and tell them I cant come in and now I need to find someone to cover my shift. I doubt anybody will. Anyway.. i just.. I really just dont want to be here anymore. How about I go count my pills….
I was scared because I haven’t really felt anything at all in ages. No sadness, no happiness, no pain, no tears, no fear, no excitement, no laughter, no love, no hate. Just apathy and indifference. And not feeling anything scares the shit out of me, because I think that feeling all these emotions, good and bad, make everything real. And nothing felt real. And for a while it was good, because often feeling nothing is better than the level of pain I feel at times. But then feeling numb gets cold and sad and even more depressing than the sadness itself.
But this morning I […]
The unthinkable has happened, my worst fears have been realised and I can barley believe it . I have entered a deep pit of which there is no way out,  I guess I knew it was only a matter of time, but still I was unprepared for this. I have no idea how this happened to me, I used to be so happy, so full of hope, an A* student and athlete with the world at my feet, but my world has come crashing down. I know I will never smile again, never stop thinking about it, never have a brief moment of forgetting whats happening. Every waking moment […]
I have been taking meds for about a month now….. Zoloft I think (memory is crap).
I have good days, I have bad days and I have REAAAAALLLL bad days.  Is this normal when you start meds?
I’m going to tell him how I feel. He’s the only one I can really talk to, the last person I can trust… If he says we can’t talk because of how I really feel, then I’m done. I’ve been hurt too many times. This will have to be the last. When I get back to Va I’m going to tell him… I’m terrified… -.-
“They/He’s too good for you.”
“You’re a lying whore”
“You’re a screwed up, deceiving *****”
“You’re a murderer”
“You deserved to get raped after everything you’ve done”
“I hope you die alone and rot in hell”
“Here, how about you use this and do everyone a favour by shooting yourself the way you lied saying that he did”
Words I hear yelled at me whenever I go out. Seems like everywhere I go, no one can get over the mistakes I’ve made and the bullshit stories they’ve heard. It all happened over a year ago and I’ve had proof showing that I was being truthful, yet […]
so as of right now im not on here because i hurt myself im just here to get my story out there so people hear it you can comment or whatever you want to do or just ignore this
but i am 20 years old for the greater part of my life i have dealt with strong suicidal thoughts i have self injured turned to drugs and booze mainly booze  but when i was 12 years old i met a girl her name was skye she had iceberg blue eyes and long blonde hair we were together for 3 years we went through everything together but […]
i can’t consider myself suicidal but i often feel that life is ultimately unsatisfying and futile. in my observations of humanity i see sickening antics that outweigh the positive. i fantasize of the bliss to be gained by “opting out”, so to speak. then again, i am young, foolish, and have yet to experience what most laud as life’s gems- family, travelling, friends, etc. i am depressed, yes, but not immensely- i continue to live hoping things will improve- i drift, waiting to find a sense of fulfillment, or at least waiting for these feelings to pass
The only thing stopping me from taking all this naproxen right now is how much physical pain I’ll be in.
Well obviously that’s not true. But FUCK. Just…………….shut up. There’s too much noise in my head and how the hell do you confide in people about your actual problems? I’ve never been able to understand that. How do you tell people what’s wrong? It’s completely impossible. Especially when they actually NOTICE. And then they ASK. And I just panic and say I’m fine because my instinct is to never ever say what’s wrong because telling the truth makes me a freak. A freak with a bottle […]
Dear Derek,
I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy. I’m sorry I couldn’t support you and me. I’m sorry I couldn’t afford your dreams. I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry I yelled and screamed. I’m sorry I didn’t love you enough, or hold you, or kiss you enough. I’m sorry I didn’t everything wrong every day since we moved in together. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough after we went our separate ways. I want to tell you I’m sorry, goodbye. I loved you more then you will ever know. I will never hurt you or anyone else again.
love always and forever.
My useless life started 22 years ago, an only lonely girl never been hugged or kissed simply because where I live there’s an imaginary sadistic pervert god who tells people to never show love and flog, torture, behead, hate sinners who does this, no I’m not kidding or writing a script for a “Saw” movie sadly they can legally cut off their hands feet and stone them to death! also to be wrapped in clothes from head to toes even-though it’s 1000000 degrees outside.. I can go on forever but I think you got the idea. I’m not the fancy type all I ever wanted […]
“Living souls around me
They don’t see
Just staring, closed faces
Fake a smile
Shaking hands, shake their heads
But they don’t speak
Only demanding the right numbers
Of me, breaking into pieces
I’m breaking into pieces”
Singer Liv Kristine sums up how I live my daily life in her song “Fake A Smile.” I am an army wife and currently unemployed due to our most recent move and the ever-failing job market. However, I manage to stay busy, volunteering in my church community. And, I do honestly feel a deep devotion to my Catholic faith. Knowing these things about me will make […]
She saved me from her own world
Back Again. The time every night when I realize I cant do this. I’ve actually pissed off my only friend because I havent slept in 24 hours. Energy Drinks that are making me sick, all because I dont want to sleep..or dream. I’d rather stay awake for the rest of my life than dream about what couldve been..what should have been. I’m going to be alone forever…panic attack…burn through adrenaline..get super tired. Energy Drinks. I cant even put a functional sentence together. Pathetic.
I told myself a year ago after I survived my suicide attempt that if things don’t get any better I’m going to do it again. Had I actually done it properly before I would’ve died guaranteed, but committing suicide the way that I did before isn’t something I can do again. It was painful and made me panic. There are tons of ways I can off myself but some of those are the most painful and hardest ways, I wish I was stronger then that. There’s only one way that I’ve found that seems painless from what I read and has one of the highest […]
When I was 15 years old I was burned in a car fire. 3rd and 4th degrees; my entire face, arms and leg…roughly 33% of my body. I was in the hospital approximately 2 months and in physical therapy 3 years.   I had screen-grafting done on both my arms; due to complications during surgery, my face was left to heal on its own. Things did not seem so bad at first. Doctors assured that I would heal completely and live a normal life. I looked at myself in the mirror and with my family by my side thought, “I’m a fighter, I will get better”. […]
Its getting so hard to keep going, I keep on fighting, covering my tracks, hiding, but it is getting so  hard. I am losing my best friend as I am leaving town, and now I just cant figure out what to do. She talks with me every so often, which makes everything worth while, even if its just for however long I get to talk with her,but I always feel guilty for taking up her time which she could use to talk with her bf or do other work, especially since she is so perfect, and because she said if they broke up she would […]