Hello again –this is my second post and will be my last —this is the last month i will be alive—i can barely walk anymore and being stuck in my appt losing my mind seriously and figuratively.–m.s is a horrible disease-it doesnt kill you persay but for some like me you watch you life die infront of you and your body stops working for you and only provides pain. and you cant even hope to keep your  mind because that goes to–so to me it takes the point away from life when i cannot live it or even remember what has happend what i  did other […]

I started chatting with a man on the internet about 1 1/2 year ago.  Long story short, I have lost all of my retirement and had to quit work in order to have access to it.  I have lost around $250,000.00 to this man.  I have about $50.00 to my name.  I am 57 years old and not in good health.  My family knows I have been talking to this man; but they don’t know I have given him so much money.  I would be too ashamed and embarrassed to tell them.  My only out is to commit suicide.  I have already written my note. 

They say you are shaped by the bad experiences. That what does not kill you makes you stronger. That all good things come to those who wait. Don’t wait for good things to come you must fight to get what you want. Travel the path less trodden. There is a fork in the road. A narrow path, and a wide winding path. Choose the most exciting.

I have heard so many contridictating sayings in my life that it can make one explode with uncertainty. But that’s where my experiences come in.

I’ve trodden forward before. I’ve survived bullying, teasing, physical abuse from peers. Verbal abuse from my […]

screamed at my brother and now my throat hurts. Didn’t make a difference…. Fuck it. Never gonna get through to him. I never scream at anyone… If he doesn’t stop, he’s gonna lose a sister…

the silent poet writes with an interesting hue
his heart battered by emotions his heart black and blue
this ink is to show just how much you mean to me but one day you will see
From pin pricks to knife slitts
alone in the dark he sits
a dark moment yet a bright bliss
the ink foul and as thick as mud
het

the sadness won’t go away and i don’t think it ever will

the little bitchass demons that come along with my voices keep staring at me with that •-• face and give me teeth grinding, fist clenching, head pounding, random pains…its hard to explain…it hurts…and im tired…and pain is one of the most misused words on this site…jus sayin…

he always keeps me up waiting, says he`ll text me, but hhe never does…it feels like someone took my heart and shredded it…he always says he loves me on fb…but never in person…he dosent love me…he never wil…

～♪

I know I’m new here, but I just want all of you to know that I’m always here to listen to anyone, just email me. Even if you don’t think it’s important and you think no one would care, it will be important to me. Heck it can just to say you ate something for lunch or something to distract you. I want to do anything I can to make you feel better. If you just want someone to yell at / get your story / day / whatever out (part of the reason I joined the site), just put at the top that you […]

I’m really confused right now, I told my closest friend today for the time that i cut, and she didn’t even seem to care. She just kinda blew it off, like I had just told her what I ate for lunch or something. What if my parents told her I had killed myself? Would she have cared then? I just am very confused on the whole situation…/: someone please help.

Death, sadness, joy…
Doesn’t matter if it’s a sad anime called fruits baskets, or a dead person. I can’t cry, nor can I though intense happiness. The tears have dried up completely. I come about a breath away from tears, yet they never come. For some reason, I hope to be able to again. 

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My mom and step-dad are most likely getting a divorce now. I remember the day my mom took 2 hours extra to get home and my dad accused her of cheating. Then a few months later, my dad asked on one cold night. We sat on the cold front yard and he […]

I was home schooled till i was 12, and my father left my mom when i was 8 (i used to see him weekends, then holidays, now i rarely see or talk to him). which is what i can only assume caused me to be so fucked up.  once i got to highschool, my first semester i got expelled for threatening a kid with a knife for picking on me. which caused me to lose my only close friend.. after switching schools i was a loner for the most part, i had a group of friends i hung out with, but i was that one […]

”You can’t have friends!This is impossible for you!”  

That’s what my brother said in a rude tone.I can’t stand this ************.

If I think about it,he’s right.I’m too difficult…I’m a freak 

What have I become?Why am I this way?I don’t have a fucking idea! I can’t find peace.Sometimes I think I’m cursed

well im a thirty three year old single man who has no real friends,i did not go to the military and i did not go to a four year college after highschool,as a matter of fact i dropped out of highschool, i got a GED and i went to community college,ive have been in and out of school for the past 14 years……whats worse is that i became a recluse christian type of person when i was in my best years nineteen through twenty-one,i started trying to live at twenty-six years old after being into a repressive christian life and i traded my sense of […]

Well I have been listening to a lot of George Watsky since I came back from VidCon… In case you don’t know, he is a youtube poet/rapper. If you have a problem with bad words, don’t watch the video I am putting here 🙂

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-cT8Qe7y3k&feature=BFa&list=UL_dpCTMLTO4c

Also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtQqK7BWq_c

Anywhozies, it inspired some of my newer, longer poetry… Sorry if you don’t think it flows… neither do I! We can be thought twins!
Anyways, it’s just something I wrote last night really late…

They say: Come on,
Cut the crap,
Be glad,
Be happy you’re alive!

That’s where I stop and think…

What if the very thing that depresses us the most,

i need help. i need someone to talk to. i dont know what to do anymore. and i cant think straight or anything. ive tried suicide so many times. someone please save me.

so 4th of july is here and i happy im not in a mental hospital especially when my therapist knows about my internal debate and following my plan to end it or not ending it. but she can still change her mind tomorrow morning seeing as shes forcing me to see her tomorrow even though she does not even work officially. I really dont know what im going to end up doing but what ever decision i make i hope its worth it. So its down to what i decide although the idea of breaking my boyfriends heart, breaking my promise to my friend, giving […]

Ok it’s 2 am and I can’t sleep. Not only that, I know this feeling, the way my body feels when it’s starting one of those two-three week periods of time where I will not get any sleep… My most depressed moments… This is the first night of this one I have probly at least 2 weeks and no one I know is up at this hour and I’m so lonely and bored it hurts…  Tired, lonely, bored, missing my razor… So if anyone at all wants to talk I’m here. or you can text me

I had not felt like this in so long. i haven’t been eating or sleeping i try to make myself happy but its not working. I cant find a job. I feel like I have lost all my friends. I fell in love with my best friend but she doesn’t know it. Currently we are in an argument and she decided to stop talking to me. Consequently she’s been spending more time with her friend who likes her. She said I hurt her with our argument and is not sure if she wants to see me again. I feel like everyone I’ve ever fallen in […]

Hey, so I guess the title says it all. I am fucked up. And I’m only 11. I started noticing that I was anorexic when I was 8, I didn’t like eating. I never knew why, and I’m still suffering anorexia… this month has been one of the worst. First of I lost and amount of weight (im underweight), so then I can’t see my only true love, and he hasn’t texted nor call for about a week now. I don’t only suffer anorexia, but cutting, suicidal, and they say I have mental health problems as well. My cutting started in 4th grade, when my […]

I miss my hoodie and razor. maybe I don’t even have to cut. I just wanna hold you again, run my finger lightly over your sharp edge, feel my soft warm hoodie hiding the blood and scars under it. I’ve never missed anything so much. I’m sorry I left both of you in Virginia, so sorry. I’d give anything to be there with you….