So I am sat at work, no-one is speaking to me (naturally and great), working on reproducing some results that are looking great, but it all means nothing.

I don’t care anymore, there is nothing that fascinates me. I will leave here later today and go home, cry, cut, and generally feel terrible as always and try to get through it. But what is the point? Why bother? A new day comes and it is as bad as the next, just as pointless and I am not sure if I want to do this anymore.

i’ve done it. i’ve made the decision to end my life. though tears are running down my face, i couldn’t be happier. i feel so peaceful, genuinely happy. a feeling i’ve never felt inmy life before. i’m not giving up, i’m just giving in. for years i’ve felt like an empty shell, being carried by the river out to sea to be drowned and i don’t mind. i don’t really want to die, i suppose, i just want to rest my head. i’m okay with it, i accept this situation. may my body be the last i see and my heartbeat the last that i […]

It’s been a while…
A long while, actually… over a year. People still respond to my last post, which means I have helped over 1,000 people that were considering suicide…
But tonight I write to you in distress. Yes, I too, though a survivor, have many struggles.
Today is my 19th birthday, and I’m alone.
I have been drinking, and thinking much more than is healthy.
I have lost so much… yet I am needed here. It hurts, and I know I’ll get through this, but at times… you just need to vent.
Take a deep breath… think of what has driven you to this […]

What does it mean to show emotion. I guess different thigs to different people. I don’t show my emotion. More or less reunited with my best friend- do excited, yet acted normally. First day of job- awesome and am glad to be growing up, smiles and says was cool. Girlfriend yells at friend girl for being to friendly-terribly distraught, nods and agrees with girlfriend. Text friend to apologize for girls actions and she doesn’t want to associate with me at all- hurt, says I whatever.

I’m not different. But I feel alone. I know I’m not. I can’t show my depression I can only feel it. […]

this life is abundant with hate, pain and despair. just fucking kill me please

why do the good people die young, and miserable wastes of human flesh like me live too long. just fucking kill me please

So today was my birthday. I wanted one and only thing to be left alone. Did I get it no. instead I had family come n wish me the best. I know they care but its like everytime I smile its fake. I hate giving out fake smiles but what do I do? Tell them how I feel. Depressed. If I do then I get endless questions. Maybe today wasn’t one of the best days. Idunno. I guess I’ll just try to keep going even though sometimes…those thoughts come back.

I can’t do anything at this point. I get drunk all the time, as often as I can. I take advantage of other people. People I’m supposed to care about. I owe people a bunch of money. I’m living off my family. I can’t hold a job, I don’t have any friends, and I don’t care about people who care about me. I want it to stop. I want to stop being me, I want to stop thinking about all of my problems, I want to stop contemplating suicide and just do it. I thought about it all the time when I was 14, I […]

I’m in a place I have been sine I was 11, I am broken inside friends and family say get help I have but it didn’t really help its basically for people who can talk problems out and somehow be cured. I hurt I’m heartbroken I have been on a downward spiral for so long I no longer know what complete happiness is. I no longer have friends to turn to since a year ago I had overdosed. I feel so alone they say turn nto God but I do have God but that hasn’t helped me either I can’t find peace I feel myself […]

Death is a natural process of which i long for day and night.
oh, my beloved Death, i know your change initiates delight.
Taking my own life tonight seems so right.
Death, you precious obsidian jewel, transform my darkness into inner light. Through the process of my bodies dissolution, i know i’ll feel all right. Bring me home tonight!
for i can’t tolerate the un-natural, and that is what suicide is. if it were not so, my lovely death would become my bride at midnight. i suppose i’ll have to patient and say my prayers; oh wonderful and magnificent Death, when will you take this […]

funny the way pain works isn’t it?
The way it doesn’t hurt to hurt yourself
But when someone else does it, it more than just smirks.

The rush that we get
from a knife and a slit
Can relieve the pain of the day
But a harsh word just may
Ruin that day
And make that slit much larger

It’s not the physical pain thats hard to deal with
A bruise or a cut will heal soon if
We treat it the way we should
But the words and the thoughts
From our heads do so rot
Inside of our soul forever

A prick there a cut […]

Like everyone who I have encountered in my life, you just expect too many things… things that I can’t fullfill. I am sorry, I just can’t take this anymore… I’m sorry if I let you down, but I’ve let myself down so many times I lost the count… You always say it’s up to me to change, but guess what… I’m not myself anymore, I don’t even know who I am. Yeah I DON’T EXPECT YOU TO UNDERSTAND, so just leave me, let me pretend everything is fine when both of us know its not…

Today was very rough. Perhaps one of the worst days I’ve ever had. Suddenly I just knew I am going to kill myself. Maybe not today or tomorrow or next week, but it WILL happen. It’s like it’s set in stone. I found myself planning dates, letters, locations, everything…I cried and cried. I kept trying to tell myself “No, I don’t want this!” But the voice in my head, some kind of demon that possessed me just laughed. I could literally feel me, pathetic little me, begging for this entity to leave me, to let me rest and be happy. But it just laughed and […]

So after keeping everything bottled up inside me I decided I have to share my real feelings.

Hmm…where to start? I guess when everything began.

I had just moved to this town in Texas because my father’s in the military. I was excited about the new experience. I had my heart set on going to this cool elementary school, Cielo Vista, but I couldn’t. So I had to go to Bliss, one of the worst elementary schools in the city. Thank god I was only there for 5th grade. Anyways, I was always a bit on the sad side. But when I got here, everything seemed to […]

i used to be afraid of the dark
Didn’t we all?
Until I grew up and grew smart
Did I realize how small
My fear really is
Because now darkness is my mistress
And I her faithful servant

I can’t explain why I choose
To live life in shadow
In hate
In the dark
Maybe I’m just so used to it
That I don’t know where else to start
my day then without a ray
Of light
Of hope
Of joy

People say it’s not healthy to live this way
To love nothing but ones one own blood
But today I will stay and let that […]

I’m scared.

I have no idea what to do. I think all this stress is getting to me. I want to go back and make everything better. I think I’m getting an eating disorder. I KNOW I’m not fat, but when I look at my self, I feel disgusted. I never feel like I’m good enough. I messed up, and I can’t fix it, no matter how bad I want too. I feel like my whole world is crashing down on me. I’m sick. Mentally and physicality. I can’t take it anymore.
I have these body pains that I know aren’t normal. I don’t like going to the […]

http://youtu.be/aFBFL5qFk6k

Im noticing life is a challenge we gotta get passed, that suicide is a thought but doesnt have to be done. Days could get better even if its small, you see things or people you gotta stay alive for. You may have a better future so dont end a life for what happen in the past or the present cuz it gets better, live for the future <3

•My turning point in life – realizing suicide is just a thought dont have to let it take control , xoxo you not alone <3

Everything is a trigger these days.  Someone calls me fatass, I want to starve to prove them wrong.  Someone calls me pretty, I want to starve so I deserve it.  Someone tells me I shouldn’t cut, I want to.  Someone tells me I shouldn’t kill myself, that I don’t deserve that, I want to die because obviously I’ve lied to them somehow, for them to think that.

And don’t even get me started on visual triggers.  Someone draws something on their skin? makes me want to cut.  Someone has a scar, from anything, makes me want to cut.  I hate it but there is not a […]

i’m a 16 year old girl. never done anything bad really, except for white lies and secret boyfriends (from my parents). But I guess it is what has led me to how I feel now.

It’s started since 6 years ago when my sister became a disappointment to my parents. And well, coming from a South Asian culture, stereotypical, it had to do with the influence of the Western society, new found independence (she was 18) and lack of grades. It costed my parents a lot and that I understood. After that year abroad, she had to return to India and took my mother with her, I […]

Ive been so depressed lately I just don’t know what to do with myself any more I have cuts and scars all over. One of my friends laughed at me when I told her I cut. My mum thinks I stopped I just don’t have the strength to tell her. My step dad abuses me I have a cut on my head thanks to him. I cry every night. I can’t get the image of my aunt out of my head since September when she died. She was more of a mum then mine. I haven’t seen my father since 2005 he said he loved […]