The thought and feelings crept back in. I was depressed and suicidal before, but got through it. I learned to live and be happy. I mean, I thought I was happy. I never really know how I feel. It seems that I see how I should feel rather than having feelings. It’s all a mask to cover up the gaping void within me. I’m an empty vessel. I function within the world as anyone would, but I am no one. And I don’t mean I want to be appreciated because people make me feel like no one. Just, I’m inside my brain, and I can […]
I don’t even know why I’m here right now, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I hear nothing but the same everyday, tedious, asinine commentary that hums along relentlessly. I have no one to talk to about anything remotely real or of any interest to me. I don’t care about anything; I just want this to be over. All I’m capable of feeling is misery, zombie-like boredom and some fake short-lived ecstacy . I just have no appreciation for life; absolutely nothing makes me feel genuinely happy. I’ve lived my life in those brief moments, however fleeting, and once I come down I only feel worse […]
What if the kids from school read this?
Will they make fun of me more? Will they beat me up?…AGAIN? Will they think I am just a poser? What will they think of me? If they think I am a poser, they can go get in line. I have my scars for my proof. I have too many scars to be a poser. And no they are not just bike-crash scars. They are cutting scars. I have been cutting my self for a while, trying to work up the nerve to just end it. End my suffering. End the sad thing I call my life. Too […]
So…i made a friend. I had started doing better…the black thoughs came less and less. The cutting and thoughts of cutting had completely stopped and for the first time in a long time my skin color was returning to its normal color…it ends today. The depression is back and worse than ever…I cant go through it this time…not again…not alone like before. This is why im back
To let go
The mass – now too great to endure
Arms weary and swollen
Thwarting the barrier’s fall since birth
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 Drained
limbs are lowered
Spirit broken
The partition falls
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One last turn . . .
One last time. . .
One final gaze. . .
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Leaving all that is good in the world behind
Stepping over the rubble of the once great wall
To the other side
Where the soil grows only indiscretion
And torment
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If only . . .
Another rootless soul wanders along . . .
Places limbs upon the wall . . .
Allowing a brief […]
My autistic sister was my only confidant. But even she is tired of me. She’s isn’t very smart, and even she says I’m worthless and should kill myself. There must be something wrong with me. I’m so tired of life and being alone. I’m so tired of pretending it doesn’t hurt.
Im not sure how much longer i can keep doing this. Im tired of my life and tired of trying. I feel like i spend so much time and energy not picking up new habits and self destructive behaviors that i dont have any energy or will to stop the ones i have. My therapist is upset with me because i cant seem to stop the behaviors i have. Its not that im not trying, i just am trying to not do new things, that i cant help but do the same old things.
I want to commit suicide as a project, but I don’t want nobody to know… how do I do that????
there are pros ans cons ok.
-I have money to finance anything!
-I don’t have friends, don’t have girlfriend, never had.. plus have been traveling for the past 11 years ALL ALONE around the world
-My family:we are 3 guys and 1 girl, mom and dad, my dad has another family, he got remarried, he recently had a child, 2 of my brothers are married one just recently had a child, my sister is getting married next year. we never had a healthy relation in our family, my mom […]
Tomorrow is my 23rd birthday and I’m ready to quit. My life has no meaning. I am utterly worthless as a human being. I am a burden to the only people I love who love me. I need to stop operating under the illusion that my life will amount to anything and accept reality. This is it. I hope I get some courage soon before my situation gets worse.
Thank you for giving me a place to get this out. I can’t talk to anyone.
Nobody’s here to stop me. Nobody’s here to care. What is my purpose? Where is my happiness? Where is my love? Why don’t I care? Maybe, maybe I’m better off dead.
Hi, I’m Ray. I have no special poem. No dramatic story to tell. I just have one question…
Does cutting help at all? im trying to make myself happier. i get really angry and frustrated, untill i dont know what to do, so i cut.. and it makes me feel beter, but of course it fucks up my wrists, and after about a year of cutting, im running out of space…
But i feel better when i cut, so is it actually good, or am i just stupid?
Is it suicide if I eat junk food until I have a heart attack? Since I can’t actually kill myself.. I felt like this would be an easier way. Would take longer but at least I can eat yummy food.. which would eventually lead to my wanted death. It’s kind of like when you die while or after having sex.. you died, but at least you died happy.
Up, up, up she climbed the mountainside
A wanderer ever tattered and forlorn
Pausing a moment as she arrived
At her edge of the world
Having travelled far and wide
Paths trodden once and never again
Gazing over the graceful cliffside
With which no beauty could contend
Her soul emitted a spent cry
For she had passed a life
Simply alone, completely untied
To anything in the realm of Time
Yearning for a peaceful culmination
For her broken body, if not her broken mind
During this regretful lamentation
Sharp weathered eyes suddenly spied
The wispy smoke of a village down below
Floating up into her cloudless starry night
Down […]
I hate being alone. My so called best friend from school isn’t talking to me anymore. She walked past me with just giving me a smile. Usually she would say something and give me a hug. I know I’m not her bestfriend anymore now that she replaced me. It hurts to always worry if I’m going to have someone to eat with at lunch or even if I’m going to have a partner while doing partner work in class. I hate to be alone. I have my bestfriend that lives in Cali. I wish she could be here to keep me happy. Honestly, if […]
I was doing very well. I applied to join the Navy, took the tests and aced them. Got told I had about a 2 year wait, ok, that’s fine. I knew that I’d fail the medical if I didn’t get off my meds soon, so I told my doctor that I wanted out because I was feeling better, and I WAS.
This was about a month ago, I suppose, although I’m not sure. Time doesn’t seem to move in the same way anymore. I’ve been driving people away, I’ve been called “inappropriate”, “offensive”… “a drunk”… I tell myself that I’ve always been the type of […]
Sorry, I am not very creative, nor a good poet, but I wrote this for a friend, but will never send it, but I kind of wanted to so here it is.
If I weren’t so Naive,
I would believe,
that what is there,
isn’t just hot air,
and what I feel
Is actually real.
And I am more,
than just a chore.
But what I know,
is my life will flow,
and I will be gone,
before the next dawn.
Though what I seek,
is solved when you speak,
I cannot allow
what you have to fall,
because you are great.
And I am just more weight.
I can’t take it anymore. I feel like dying. School is just so much pressure, and I’m so clumsy, that I lose things. My parents yell at me for losing things that cost money. I feel like they care about money more than me. I’ve been suicidal since I was eight. Eight! I felt too much pressure and stess too often. None of my friends and family know about this at all. The only reason I don’t suicide is because it hurts. I don’t want to feel the pain. I’m thinking, “If I have lots of pain, why add more?”
I know I’m young, and I […]
I have a friend at my school. I’ve knew her since sometime in elementary schools, but we’ve only become rather good friends only this year. i feel comfortale telling her thoughts about my life since she also has a lot going on with her family and has counseled many people before me. once in math class many months ago, as i was thinking about life and such, i told her i thought that i was suicidal, though not as seriously suicidal as i am now. since she did not respond, i assumed she didn’t hear me. then, after school, she asked me if i really felt […]
Does anyone hate the term “man up” as much as I do? I mean no one can really measure how much physical or emotional pain another human being is in and so all they say as advice and support when you’re in pain is “man up” like the pain isn’t real, like we’re not trying to feel better. Why can’t people just say nothing instead of saying potentially harmful things like “man up”. Don’t you think I’d pull myself out of this darkness and despair that I’m feeling if I could? All I’m asking for is a little help and the advice that gets thrown […]
All I want to hear from you is that I’m nothing to you. I want to hear you say that you don’t feel anything towards me, instead of being so damn afraid to talk about it. Just get it out there so that I can hate you instead of being so in love that it hurts all the time. Let me move on from you, that’s all I want.
And I want to tell you that you saved me, that you’re the only person who could’ve saved me, and that I would’ve been roadkill if you hadn’t forced me into your car. You don’t even know […]