Why must there be so many people here? Feel like everyone is watching me closely. I’m on trial everyday it seems, I have had alot of repressed memories revived,… everyday since its happened i can do nothing but think about it. My girlfrind, and mother of my child, cant even look at me anymore because she can tell i am just paranoid all of the time. She isnt very opened minded but i still love her. I love my daughter, but im afraid im going to grow to be an old paranoid recluse, which i basically am now. My judgement is so clouded suicide has to be […]

And nobody cares. 3-4 days ago i got into a car accident in front my school. I was hurt, and the only people who seemed like they really cared was…my mom and my teacher. I mean I know im not dead or anything, but it kind of hurts….because, well, months ago my friend got into a car crash also. People messaged her on facebook…..Like literally everyone was on her wall post saying stuff, i messaged her asking if she wanted me to visit her, everything. Everyone was worried. but me? no. Somebody LAUGHED at the fact that i got into the accident. He laughed. I […]

Ok so this is it. I’m 18 now. I’ve been suicial for 6 years now. I want to hang myself. I feel obligated to wait though, but there’s nothing to wait on. I tried to hang myself twice last night, but I have no foolproof plan because of my weight. I had to use my door knob and sit down. I looked like an idiot who’d played the choking game alone. The only reason I got out of it was because I didn’t feel right not saying goodbye to anyone, but I just couldn’t find words to express my pain or my desire for death. […]

I am tierd of my “Friends” not wanting to hang out with me? I’m nothing but nice to everyone and they for some reason don’t like me? I want to just end my life sometimes and it’s because of them!! And they wonder why I’m suicidal? They just don’t get me, no one does exept my boyfriend. He does, but I need more people than that. If they don’t start liking me than I’m just going to end it all!!! I’m about over it!

It’s been at the back of my mind for a while. But now I’ve come to realise that it’s more than just suicidal thoughts. I’ve gotten to a point where I just have this really strong feeling that there’s something not right about me being alive. It’s not a result of bullying or any sort of trauma, it’s just a feeling, a really strong one. Over the past few weeks I’ve been putting myself through relatively dangerous “tests” to see whether I belong here or not. So far, I’ve survived them (clearly) but they’re not enough proof for me that I belong anymore. I just […]

Yesterday, I got arrested for obstructing justice.  My parents were not pleased, obviously.  Especially my father.  I don’t have a close relationship with my father, so I think it was pretty easy for him to disown me as his son.  My mom tried to defend me and say that I’ve accompolished a lot in my lifetime, but then my dad pointed a finger at me and said, “when the fuck was the last time this stupid son of a ***** did ANYTHING right?  Give me date!”.  I wanted to stab him so bad…  But then I realized he was right.  I haven’t done shit with […]

i never thought my life would turn up to be so bad..my father was going through cancer had been with him throughout his treatment..but finally he passed away in january being the eldest in the family everything has come up to me.. I am 23 years old, and my fathers partner in business has been playing dirty tricks with me since my dad is not around. Theres noone to advice me now it has literally come to an extent where i get scared coming to office = i feel so waste feels like i hve nothing left in my life to do i just come […]

My life, the world i live in…  It confuses me so much now..  i try and write things down but have trouble explaiing how I feel because there is just so much to say…  A long time ago i started to feel like i didnt know what i was doing, i didnt know where i was going or what the point was anymore…  I fell in love with the tv show Doctor Who…   that kept me going… i obsessed over it…  I loved it, i created my own world where everything from Doctor Who was real. from that i kept obsessing over things. It […]

This sums my mood this morning. I was quite happy before going to bed. I hate how my mood changes so fast for basically no reason.

Has any guy here ever been brutally raped or molested by another male? A family member? It’s like no one knows the feeling. 🙁

After reading posts here I’ve noticed a few similarities.  Sensitive, articulate people, who are lonley and hurting.  Feeling like outcasts, loners, misunderstood and longing for someone to care.  Most have been abused by people in their lives, who sound like a bunch of stupid douchebags.

Here’s the closest I can get to a ‘positive thought’ tonight: Why should I feel bad because some asshole was mean to me?  Fuck that asshole!  I’m not going to commit suicide, just so I can outlive that bastard and deface his grave!

“Who’s laughing now, *****?!  Not you, cuz you’re dead!”

(I might be a miserable person, but I still got a […]

Is the flow control for the helium tank necessary to carry out the exit method? I’ve seen the kit offered online for about $180, but, unfortunately, I can’t afford to pay that amount. If it is in fact required, are there other sources where the fitting can be purchased at a cheaper price?

I cried for the first time in almost 10 years. It was only like 2 or 3 drops, but for someone like me who thought his tear ducts dried out years ago, it was a real relief. I have been contemplating suicide for years now. But only recently have i reached my breaking point. I have no real friends, only acquaintances. Im a 20 year old virgin, who only had one girlfriend, but i never met her in person. Had my heart broken more times then i can count. I learn the hard way that nice guys finish last, because im hopelessly to nice for […]

i want to fit in,i want to be normal, i want to be happy naturally without faking this smile everyday, why is that so much to ask for? people took advantage of me wen i was nice, and stept all over me, now that i am heartless and cold, people dont want to be around me,why? because i dont have something that you could take advantage of anymore?i can never do anything right,whats wrong with me,

(A poem I wrote awhile ago)

I am not one to speak
when I am out of turn
I have been taught to listen
to listen and to learn

Fore if I were to speak my thoughts
Oh, the glares I would recieve
because I would speak the truth
not these lies you all believe

But I will stay silent
my mouth will remain closed
many will frown upon
the choices that I’ve chose

And I will walk away from words
and walk away from violence
the only thing that I will do
is live and die in silence

so im trying to get someone to kidnapp me,its sounds crazy but im immune to crazyness, my life is so fucked up, i dont have anyother way to run away,one guy is actually saying he would do it, he would actually kid napp me, im a slave anyways, i dont have family or shit, so why not?atleast im doing the world a favor, theres people who mean something in this world, and im risking to get hurt instead of them

I’m done. I haven’t felt this way since three months ago…the night I almost killed myself. (Blade wasn’t sharp enough for those of you who are wondering why I didn’t end up dieing)

I can’t feel this way anymore. Right now I feel no hope. I feel nothing but soooo much pain and hurt. I do feel bad for those who have tried to help…the minimum that there were. But really if they cared wouldn’t they want my misery ended? I’m so confused right now. If I thought I had no care for my personal self anymore well I was wrong cause I have even less […]

I am 15 years old. I know that the things in my life that have made so depressed and screwed up don’t really compare to other peoples’ problems, but I sincerely hope that NO ONE has to go through the pain that I have experienced and I hope that NO ONE ever feels the immense pain that I must live with everyday. And most importantly, I hope that NO ONE hates themselves as much as I hate myself.

My story is this:

I was born with a cleft pallet and lip. I have had 10 and counting surgeries, something no one should have to go through. Each […]

I can’t do this anymore…I’ve tried to stay happy but I just can’t. There’s no one I can turn to cause no one cares anymore, I need help I know I do but I can’t afford it and i’m too scared. I don’t want to self harm anymore, I don’t want to feel this pain, I have so many cuts and my arms are so sore everynight. I miss the old me, I miss being happy. I just want to smile but it’s always so much of an effort, I’m breaking apart right in front of the people who I thought had onced cared but […]

Everyday of my life is to please everyone else. But for every fake smile i put on my face to fool the stupid people i see, the more i die inside. I cant take it anymore. Being the “nice guy” never helped me with anything. I always have girls tell me “You’re way to nice”, and i ask “Is there something wrong with that?”, and they always say “Nah, i just wish i had a guy like you”. Well why dont they ever want me? They always say they want a nice guy, but then they go after the big douche bag that treats her […]