i havent been on in a while, so i probably dont know anyone thats on now. anyway, im just gonna complain about how the antidepresents im on are making things worse and how i constantly get panic attacks that are so intense that they are considered seizures. i literally cant do anything, people keep telling me i need to get a job, ive tried but without success. and most days i cant even get the strength to get out of bed, even if i could get a job, i couldnt hold it. everyone keeps expecting me to be “normal,” but they […]
I don’t know. I just don’t know. I go onto Facebook, and look for people from my high school, and I hope that some of them turned out to be failures in life because I want them to feel that awful painful loneliness. I feel that way. I have friends, and I have a good family, and I am relatively well-off, but I feel so alone. I’m ‘meta’. People get stuck with being themselves: that friend who always womanizes and gets around a lot will always do so without shame. I don’t feel that way. I am able to look deep into people and completely […]
Get better
rest
let your body heal
You’re not helpless
You’re not weak
Don’t give up
Don’t break down
just sleep.
shut your eyes
let it float away
it will be better tomorrow
Let yourself morph
like a butterfly
float to something better
Don’t cry
Don’t think
Spread your wings and just let go
To a better place
with no pain
or weakness
no sadness
or fear
Just you
and me
and the world behind us
He tears up when has learned-
That his father has been abducted,
Especially before the special memories-
That will soon to be misery.
When he thinks of him-
He starts to plead to have him back-
But the taker will not,
Take his bribe-
Of tears or money,
He enjoys seeing the man down,
And dying inside.
Oh this heartless man-
Takened his father down to the road-
Where it all began.
From a step to a trap-
And now he is strapped in a chair,
Getting smeared of dirt and grim.
The son cannot get him back-
With all his might.
No the strangers […]
Sitting up in bed
All hope of sleep lost
Fighting back these feelings
Knowing what giving in will cost
But it whispers my name
And I feel my will start to fail
All the reasons I had to stop
Seem like they’re starting to pale
The darkness is swallowing me whole
And drowning me in a sea of tears
My ears are filled with silent screams
My thoughts are filled with all my fears
No one to call, nothing to say
Running out of options to try
I open the drawer and see my escape
But still I cry
Deep down I know it’s wrong
But in these moments […]
I can’t really maintain 1 blog much less 2 haha I guess I’m not as talented as I wanted to be, but I’ll still try to create a more better vibe for those who need it meanwhile expressing my  most inner thoughts.
if you have tumblr’s I would sure love to follow you guys and see your point of view and thoughts.
Mine is  http://sculpturesurglace.tumblr.com/
I’ve barely made this one and it’s still pretty raw, but I’m really working on it.
I don’t write as often as I’d like, mainly because I never really have the peace that I would like to have at home, […]
I’m trying to make things right. fuck, i guess i didn’t realize working on a time limit makes things a helluva lot more difficult. Why is it that it’s never enough? why am I never enough? I can see my ‘friends’ going places, and doing things with their lives, but when I think of myself all I can think of is the nothingness inside of me (yes I stole that from Linkin Park), I can’t see myself going to college or getting a job, or being a ‘contributing member of society. I am stuck. and I just what to end it all.
Fuck. The nights and […]
I am 17 years old.
My life has been cruel.
My life has been harsh.
My life has bern unforgiving and cold.
I say this not to insert some teenage meladrama into my first post; but to illustrate how I feel about M Y L I F E.
I am not ugly, same have even gone as far to say that I’m beautiful.
I am not unkind or shallow, I strive to be the best everyone thinks I can be.
I am not happy.
I would like to die, I have always wanted to die, I may always want to die.
I am not afraid […]
I am sixteen years old and I have been chronically depressed for atleast three years. I am emotional disconnected from everything and feel empty all the time. I have tried committing suicide three times, each time more successful than the last (my attempts failed because I didnt know what I was really doing rather than me not wanting to die). I became a cutter last year to deal with my emotional pain. I have not been accepted by other people ever since I was little, IÂ dont have many friends, and I can not trust people.
I was locked up when people found out about my cutting […]
I found this website when I put in the google search “praying for death.” I read the post that it linked to and the guy was talking about “praying for death,” as a compromise between killing himself and continuing to suffer so that others wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of his death. I feel that way a lot. So few people I think really know how to respond to somebody who is really suffering, they don’t want to acknowledge it, as if by doing so it makes it real. It’s real whether it’s acknowledged or not! I have a good friend named Sue […]
White pills come from light blue bottles–
Yellow pills from orange ones, but
I don’t care about the color
If the color doesn’t care about me.
Things like these, from laboratories
Claim they’ll make me want to live, but
I’m not going to Fool myself–yet–
When I know myself a smudge too well.
Never heard a useful word from
Anything that tries too hard, but
“Swallow this, and before you know it
All your sadness will turn to smoke!”
Jerk the leash; pretend it worked, a
Miracle of Science, but
Hate yourself a little more for
Reasons that you can’t tell anyone.
Now that I’m society’s Fool, you’ll
Hear me writing dreary verse, but
If you see my sad decay: there’s
Nobody there, and […]
So earlier this week I took two test. One for depression and another for bi-polar.Test results came in today and it turns out that I have clinical depression and a bi-polar disorder. The depression i wasn’t really worried about about because i already figured I have had it. Bi-polar disorder, that is what i was and still am worried about. I read some where on line that bi-polar disorder is a mental illness. So does this mean I’m like mental? Being mental would that be consider that I’m sick in he brain or I’m just like the retard kind of mental.Either way knowing for a fact that I have all this shit going on with me I think its going […]
i find myself ending each and every day here on this site. No matter what happened during the day, it always ends the same. An hour of rumination, followed by an hour of contemplation, all the while the world sleeps. Uncaring and cold, the world ignores my existence. I’m used to it. Being constantly in pain and suffering and having no hope that tomorrow will be better. And that is the saddest thing I can think of.
I haven’t cut myself in over a year.I think it has made my life worse. I have no way to let all of this pain out, so I lash out on the ones I love. Ones? Who am I trying to fool? I have no friends. The only people I talk to are co-workers, my parents, and my boyfriend. He’s the reason I am still here, but he is also the reason I haven’t cut. He says he’ll leave if I ever do that to myself. Sometimes I feel that if I did cut we wouldn’t have so many problems. I’d take everything out on […]
In this house, I don’t feel loved. They beat me to be right, to say the right things. I don’t get it. My parents aren’t here my dad killed himself.. My mom didn’t want me.. No one has loved me. The only love I feel is from my friends. I don’t think friends love lasts forever cause it could change in a heartbeat.. I have a whole in my heart, I could die any second now, but it doesn’t matter to anyone.. It doesn’t matter to anyone that I fall asleep to my pillow soaked but I wake up to a smile on my face […]
i cant get anything right. constantly in trouble. my mom found out i’ve had sex at 16, i send pictures to my boyfriend, i smoke weed. she found this out because my principle went through my school issued ipad and found pictures and conversations about sex on a texting app. i cant go back to school now. i cant let the administrators look at me after this. i cant look at myself hardly. i was put up for expulsion today. and thats not all, Â i just got in trouble for shoplifting. about two weeks ago, fine to pay, PTI, court the whole nine fucking yards. […]
Tonight I die. This is my 3rd attempt, and I think I finally got my suicide figured out. I am not mentally ill or depressed, right now I am actually quite calm. My story is simple, I had a good life but threw it away because I am a compulsive gambler. My friends and family bailed me out countless times and yet I don’t learn from my mistakes and dig myself back into the same hole again and again. I am a sinner and don’t deserve better. I just wish that before I go… I can give back all the money that I owe to […]
Hey guys, so I want to get myself into some sort of therapy and I was wondering what everyone thought about it. I guess I am afraid that the lady I talk to will think I am crazy (maybe I am) or will be like unable to understand. I don’t want to go to therapy and have the last not understand me.
I was wondering if anyone had any experiences with therapy (positive or negative). I need help but don’t know whether to find it within or with therapy.
its strange. im depressed i know that, my family knows that. at school nobody knows cuz i come across as happy, positive, never sad, and no way depressed. yet i carry around suicide notes and one of my friends saw and didnt believe it..shows im either a good actress or i should just shout it to the people around me..cuz now it looks like im a liar…oh god i made a problem if i tell some of my friends will force me to get help (been there already) if i dont i look like a liar.. my life would make a great show just cuz […]
I haven’t been around much … some may have worried, other may have been thankful or been indifferent … but just wanted to let those that know me know that I’m still around 😉
All the best
dawg