I’ve written out a competent, thorough suicide letter, and drafted a will (which can’t be legal anyway because of my age), with how I want my things to be sorted and what I want to happen to my body.

When the time comes, I’m ready.  Everything in order.  I just need to start getting rid of things no one will want, and set a date to do it by.  If I’m not ready by then, I’ll set another date.  This is going to end soon, I feel it.

Since my ex left me I’ve been fighting a losing battle with my mind, I’ve never been a particularly lucky man in life, I spent the entire of school being severely bullied everyday and never had anyone I could really call a friend. Once I left school and began college Life started to look up somewhat when I started to actually receive attention from others in a positive manner, during this time I met my ex, she was a shy innocent girl who actually understood that I was scared of opening up to people and showing my true feelings. I felt that this made up for all of those years I […]

There are only two things in life. Success and failure. Call them as you will, happiness and discontentment, power and disinfluence, or fame or obscurity. There is only one thing after life. Death. To those who want it, it comes too late. To those who don’t, it comes too soon. Life is the long winding road to death. After our deaths comes the death of all who we know, and then the death of all who they have ever met and so on. The chance that everyone you have ever influenced will be dead increases over time. But you already know that. We delude ourselves […]

After having sex with some guy a few days ago he was acting really obsessive afterwards like he was becoming attached. He said he wanted to be with me and has been saying that for a couple of days. I don’t want him though. But now his friends are saying he has an STI from me and he isn’t trying to talk to me today. Im really confused because there isnt anything wrong with me. I hate when people talk shit about me and it just makes me want to run away as far as possible. I have a bad reputation where I live but […]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0C2rH9j-Qw&feature=plcp

My Suicide Attempt. Not for children or those who are sensitive. If you are considering suicide, please reconsider. Watch this first.

I wanted to make this video, for several reasons.

For one I am tired of running from my appearance, and peoples reaction. I am coming out, so to speak.

Secondly many people seem to be considering suicide as an option, please watch this first, if that is you.

If you don’t want to live get some help.

Also if you try and don’t succeed, then you have to live disfigured as I am having to do.

can never seem to make friends, i sit here going through the list of contacts on my phone,all i see is(bank,school,a group home numer, numbers that dont even work anymore,)i never wanted the computer to be my last resort,this is the only place i ever talk to people, mabey they answer back and talk to me back because they dont know me,why do i even have vocal cords if i have nobody? and noone to talk to?noone to call,i cant even talk to the only people i know , and thats supportive home care staff,i wanted them to think someone actually cared about me, so […]

Now that I haven’t been having so many physical problems, I have nothing to do. I find it really difficult to transmit my thoughts into words to communicate them with other people. I have a difficult time separating the past from the present, and if time is just an illusion, I guess there’s no difference. I’ve had a hangover from magic mushrooms for literally almost 7 weeks now, and before that I had a shroom hangover for almost 4 weeks and after about 3 1/2 weeks I did them again and got another hangover from them. I would really like to try dmt but I […]

They all no longer support me, or anything i do. All because my ‘bestfriend’ got mad at me and started saying how i was on heroine, and apparently thats the reason she no longer wants to be my friend… I would never touch that, it is a monster. Evil deceptful life-taking moster. My brother is recovering from addiction, i’ve seen first hand what it does. She knows i’d never EVER touch it but tells people i am so they don’t like me anymore… It’s not fair. I wish i could move far far away… My hours here are growing shorter and shorter. I can’t take […]

Everything was going fine for about a month but then everything started going downhill once again. My depression is worse then ever and i feel like i have no one to vent to (the reason why im on here again). I have been thinking about my suicide too and ive decide to just overdose. I know most people say it dosent work but hey why not give it a try it might work for me.Before i try to commit i want to see if i can get any better (emotively) so i was thinking about telling my mom. In some ways i think its a good idea but in […]

Hey guys!

really pissed off days. Got a few shifts on ambulance these days and all of them was full of blood, shits and stench.

One call will stay in my minds for a long time i guess… We got a call “suicider” and went on a blue lights to her. It was beautiful 35 years old lady hanged on a rope in a bathroom. The worst thing – her 12 and 10 years old kids found her after came back from a weekend with dad. They […]

i wanted to go and try to get my temps,found out the city bus doesnt go out that far,dont even know were the building is or what it looks like, and even if i did get um, i can pass my driving test cause you have to use someone you knows car, they wont let you use the driving practice cars they have, did it ever fucking occur to them that just mabey some people dont have friends or family?the only person i know of would never drive hours to help me out, even though they help my sister out all the time, bail her […]

I don’t know why sometimes I can feel insanely happy and joyful, yet at the same time, sad and depressed. Its like there are two sides of me fighting eachother. I can’t get away from them. And yesterday, for the first time, I wondered: if I die, will it really all go away? will I actually be free? I find it almost hard to imagine that there is a peaceful place anywhere in the universe.

The worst part of everything is that I have to be human. I have to walk around in this cursed, ugly body. I feel as though can’t escape from it either. […]

I’m 22, I’ve been suicidal since I was 11 years old. I have no job, I’m incredibly insecure, I hate who I am, I’ve never had a single friend I could talk to in person about my problems, I’ve had one brief relationship. Nobody has ever made any kind of real effort for me, they say a lot but none of it has ever been backed up by any actions, I’ve never had anyone there for me. I either feel horrible or I feel absolutely nothing and that isn’t something that I consider to be living. I’ve been sick of it for a long time […]

I wish I could expres myself better. It’s not only a language thing I think. I wouldnt know what to write if I was writing in Dutch either.

I dont even know what I want anymore, other than kill myself of course. That really is the only desire I still have left.

I know its lame but all I really want right now is for someone to hold me. Its been a very long time since someone gave me a hug.
Edit: someone just asking how I’m doing would be fine too, it doesnt have to be a hug.

mabey some people dont know they are doing it,mabey some people just dont even care, but only dont care wen it comes to you, i use to think there was good ways to feel powerfull,but now im thinking, the only way be powerful for someone like me, is to be a minipulater,and i have no clue were to start,i dont even know what that is or how to do it really,i know its taking advantage of people, but wen everyone is taking advantage of you,you have to find a even smarter and trickeyer way around that,

When I came across this site after googling the words ‘I hate myself and can’t take anymore’. I knew exactly what I wanted to say – that I have only two reasons to live – my son and daughter – both under 6 years old – the youngest only a baby (who has a terrible cold at the moment). I’m very tired from sleepless nights and haven’t really recovered from post natal depression and a ‘breakdown’ two years ago. I have had to give up work and ‘sign on the sick’ (I live in the UK). I do have a caring husband – but he has health […]

Why does everytime when eveything seems kinda ok-ish again, everything fucking comes crashing down on me again.

It seems like every day’s the same
and I’m left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
and there’s no color to behold
They say it’s over and I’m fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober feels like I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well

I feel the dream in me expire
and there’s no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
‘cause I can’t seem to […]

I can no longer take the pain and loneliness that dominates my life. I dont want to race, mountain bike, snowboard, scuba dive, travel, eat, watch movies, have orgasms or do anything else. I have been alone for sooooooooo long. I have no one to share my life with. No friends. No lover. I have tried meetup groups, classes, volunteer work but nothing seems to pan out. I have no connections to anyone. I dont think I’ll ever get to share those special moments that families get to share with each other such as, children being born, family Thanksgiving dinners etc.. Chris McCandless said (wrote […]