I have no emotions.  Just chemical reactions in my brain and body acting and reacting to internal/external stimuli and previous experiences.

I have no consciousness.   Just bioelectric and biochemical activity that gives the perception of self awareness.

I have no desire.  Just instinct honed by evolution for the species to survive as a whole and for as many individuals as possible to pass on their genetic blueprints.

I have no family or friends.  Just other creatures with whom cooperating in a certain timeframe is more beneficial than trying to compete for resources.

I have no importance or purpose.  Just another member of an animal species hardwired to compete for resources […]

I want to be level, balanced like everyone else. But I feel that I can’t tell anyone for the fear of being exposed, my family would never understand if I seen a shrink.

It all started in Middle school and well i guess i’ll tell youvpeople everything from the ery beginning.

6th Grade- The beginning of the year was great,i was actually alittle happy and had a group of friends which i limit to 5 people,i had many skeletons in my closet at the time like the sexual abuse i’ve been through in the past but other then that i was a “normal” kid. In the middle of the year and towards the end my mom and her boyfriend started fighting EVERYDAY and they were loud and violent let’s just say the fight never ended wothout something breaking and […]

I used to enjoy staying under my blankets for a while after I wake up in the morning. Now I can’t lie down awake, not even for a minute, I keep thinking about stabbing myself in the heart or the back of the neck or an eye. I punch myself hard in the chest or head pretending I’m stabbing myself. I have to get up the moment I wake up, I can’t stand it.

So this morning (here is morning) I saw some post I liked (this one and this one amongst others) and I got sad. Duke […]

Sometimes, when I answer you I ask a question of you;
If you really had a choice, how would you choose?
Or
If you had a magic wand to fix your life,
How would you wave it?
Or
If you had a switch, that you could throw, that would end your suffering without killing you, would you throw it?
Would you?

More important than discussing the possibility of such magics, is discussing your will to use them.

What good is a true solution if you won’t use it?

And is there such a switch?
Does such a choice exist?
Can you have such power over your own life?

Yes

You are BEAUTIFUL
no matter what they say
words CAN’T bring you down
You are BEAUTIFUL
in EVERY single way
yes words CAN’T bring you down

So don’t you bring me down today <3

There's someone out there that you mean the world to, and if you leave, their world will be shattered. I know what if feels like, just try considering that one person, because they can make a difference <3

~Fallenangel33

kenzie.fallenangel33@gmail.com (here to listen)

I left your daddy or at least the guy i think is your dad (or it could b my crazy abusive ex) because i wanted a better life for you. I dont want you growing up thinking having drugs in the house is ok that people coming in and out is alright. I left because you deserve to be happy n safe. Im here now just you my little tot and me against the world. Im sorry i didnt make better decisions sooner im sorry you have to grow up without a daddy like mommy did. Im sorry i fell in love with another guy […]

I found someong who loves me scars and all am I finaly feel A little bit happy again but sothing me still wants to cut even if i’m happy its lik i’ve done it so long it just feels right. If he ever found out he would probaly leave me but how am suppost to stop when thats always on my mind and every thing around me seems to be able to help me do it?! what am i suppost to do…

Sometimes I forget what it’s like to be happy. Actually, that’s most of the time. I’m losing my mind. For real. Diagnosed schizophrenia. I miss clear thoughts. I miss not thinking I’m going crazy. Sorry for my ramblings.

I couldn’t fix you I am so sorry I can’t fix anyone I just mess everything up I am so sorry I wish things were better than they are. You are one of my best friends. I should be able to help you I ruin everything. I am so sorry. I love you,.

I’ve been asked before why I cut myself, and I’d never wanted to tell anyone, because I can’t find a way to say it without breaking down, but as I sit in my bed, in my room all alone, I can finally answer that question.  I do not want to die.  I know that makes no sense, for me to hurt myself in order to stay alive, but let me explain.  I can’t live like everything is okay, because it’s not.  I take in everything, every name I’ve been called, every rumor about me, every story that isn’t true, and every event that has ever […]

every time i read stories from this site it makes me want to cry cuz i feel for you guys and it makes me feel bad that so many of you are so sad… i wish i could do more to help you guys but i can try my best… we r all friends here, weather we know it or not….

Feet don’t fail me now
Take me to the finish line
All my heart, it breaks every step that I take
But I’m hoping that the gates,
They’ll tell me that you’re mine
Walking through the city streets
Is it by mistake or design?
I feel so alone on a Friday night
Can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you’re mine
It’s like I told you honey

Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don’t know why
Keep making me laugh,
Let’s go get high
The road is long, we […]

This small white oval looks stark on my kitchen table. It delicately sits there promising me so much. Pacifying me with prospects of sound sleep, resulting maybe in a gawping vacant stare and some dripping saliva. I feel cheated somehow. My years of toil, of experience, my scars dissolved by this little white oval. What am I if not the sum of my parts. Broken and strained they may be, but mine none the less. I toil over my toil and remain unresolved.

some of my friends think I’m getting worse.. i can feel it too… it so hard! why is it have to be hard! ya no body said life would be easy. but i never thought it would be this hard…
my “group” of friends all know what they want to do when they’re older and done high school…. but i have no clue! and ya i know I’m only 14 and i have LOTS of time to figure it out. but do i really? high school goes by so fast… soon i’ll be in grade 12 and still with no idea what to do….
its […]

So called fathers be a man and appreciate your sons or daughters..to me you aint even a dad your dead to me you could drop low and it wont mean shit to me. Iwasnt shit to you talking about how I cant be nothing, icant do nothing and way more, even hit me at a young age but not now cuz you know I aint afraid of you ill kill you you baster, so for those who have a real good father appreciate it !

I don’t know why but today I felt hopeful and optimistic and confident.

And while the world has thrown some good social interaction at me today, I am bombarded with this crippling discouragement. In any other way, she would react like everyone else today, accepting! But no matter how many people laugh with me, or are nice to me today, she is mentally pushing me aside.

Why? Why can’t my good feelings be rewarded? I don’t want to be depressed again, and yet, whenever I am happy I become attacked.

I need help! I feel I’m in the inbetween, and I don’t want to drown again! Please don’t […]

so another great day at skool… i shut myself down during my first class and couldn’t function mentally.i found out that next week sometime i will have to disect a frog… the only problem is that im afraid of the fact i will be holding a sharp object and i will have to fight my impulses. so after that somebody handed me a stapler… you have no idea how much i wanted to staple my fingers… just to feel the pain, to know i was still alive still human. thats one reason y i cut myself… to know im still alive and human. so my […]

When I was little my mom and dad would fight, a lot. And that would always end with my dad yelling at my mom and then him hitting her. He would hit her right in front of me and she would cry, and then I would cry. And then my dad would ask me why I’m crying because I’m not the one who’s being hit. It’s been awhile since then and somewhere along the way he stopped being abusive, they still fight and he still yells but he doesn’t hit her anymore. He does sometimes hit me though, one time he slapped me because I […]

I know it will it is just the details I want to fill in. I see knifes and I get ideas. I see my moms diabetic medication and I get ideas. I go to school I walk upon the top of the staircase and I see the bottom and I  get ideas.  I today held a knife and pointed it to my chest. I know I’m not afraid of dying. I’m sick of being treated like shit. I am infected with the misery decease which was stung into my heart by the needle of destruction. I see my money and I see guns online and I […]