ive tried cutting myself, ive tried killing myself so many times, that im losing count.
bulling has brought me to this point, and i question myself everyday, how come im fat and how come im not pretty?
why do people hate me so mch 🙁
killing myself seems like the easiest way to get out of this world
i try and try ending my life.
why doesnt it work?
i dont wanna be alive anymore!

this life is gonna fuck me over.

i cant even do anything right without hurting myself!
im a fuck up 🙁
i screwed up my life.

i dont get the point of being […]

Why am I such a stupid fuck? I really cant stand myself. 2 hours by myself and I’m “in a mood” again. Wasn’t even contemplaiting suicide this morning because I was working a bit and suddenly, like a fingersnap, I just want to die. I remember that I despise myself. And that I’m the most disgusting monster on the planet.

I like being by myself, because I can do whatever I want. But I guess I really need distraction. Especially if I havent smoked weed yet. Thought I should smoke less so I didnt smoke yet. (no thats a lie I tell myself, I didnt earn […]

I’m almost 17 and I’ve had social problems my whole life. I BELIEVE I might have a personality disorder, although I don’t really know. The problem with getting diagnosed, treated, etc is that I’ve grown accustomed to faking a lot of interaction with people. I’ve seen four or five psychologists and stuff now, with no real results. Most of them just sent me off saying I was fine after five or six visits. I know I’m not ‘fine’. I used to have anger management when I was really young, like 8 or something. Then later on (still age eight) my mother tried to kill herself. […]

Here I am. In bed. Listening to music. Hoping I get some thought I can keep going on with that hopefully doesn’t involve incest, joining the Army, or anything else that may cause an argument. I just don’t need to argue, I’m ignorant. I just don’t feel that it’s worth it.

I feel bad that my cousin is using me as a role model and I’m in love with her, yet she allows me to remind her constantly and she seems willing to do as I please. I understand I shouldn’t take advantage. I’m merely dwelling on it, no need to talk about that.

I […]

my boyfriend’s friends and brother laughed at me for not being the way i looked and not hot??

and he laughed along with it.

We’ve been together 2 years and i thought he understood what i went through when i hear those things after my long depression

and low self esteem. I thought he’d understand because he’s been called ugly most of his life…

and i told him he didnt thats why i fell in love with him, he’s handsome and great.

And ouch* to laugh along with them about how i looked really brought me down.

You would think someone you cared for and loved would treat you good and […]

Today i tried to hurt myself again, its a never ending thing.

I want to be happy i want to be normal,i want to be seen, i need some kind of friend.

Keeping every problem in everyday, smiling pretending everything is dandy.

I hate how i grew up and became socially awkward, anxious and isolated myself ..

I dont like my body image, my social life does not exist, the best friends ive had for so long dont understand me and grown out in their ways.

I cant tell a soul, not even my mom who im closest to because she would be hurt and stressed along with the problems […]

It doesn’t matter how good or upbeat my days are,
When night strikes and i’m all alone I just want to bury myself in a hole and never come out.
._.
I hate life.

I’m 5’7… so i’m too tall

My hair is shoulder length… so its too short

I hate wearing makeup… so im ugly

Ive had sex with 3 men…so im a whore

I’m pregnant…so im used

I let him beat me…so im weak

I beat him up because he beat me one time too many…so i’m a man

I cut myself…so i only want attention

I cry…so im dramatic

I’m popular and have no real friends…so im pathetic

I’m smart…so im a geek

I dont want another boyfriend…so nobody wants me

He’s had sex with me…so I belong to him

My professor once told me that feeling unwanted is the worst thing a human being can experience. I don’t know if he knew that I felt like this everyday of my life and wanted to say that he understands or if it was a mere coincidence.

No one really wants me. They see the Mickey Mouse costume, but not the person inside it.

They only want the character, not the actor.

It seems like no matter how good a day I end up having and how happy I am someone or something always ends up ruining it and making me want to die I had a good month I think of not cutting and I just did god damnit screw life I feel like I want to start planning again

Everything from the inside and just throw it all away cause I swear for the last time I will trust myself with you.

I won’t waste myself on you..

Stupid me…I couldnt smuggle one of my necessary components into OZ(or I should say I didnt want to attempt it) and I came close…had so many oportunities…a 7th story balcony…the ocean,crocodile infested waterways,the dense rainforest….

All throughout my vacation,my boyfriend really hit home ow little I matter to him,lying about his vacation,rarely calling me,not planning on coming home for weeks so he can be with his mommy and daddy….the only thing he cares about is making sure he gets paid back his money that I corrowed from him.

Now,stupid me,I made it home…and Im in physical pain,suffering at the emptiness that i came home to.No one cares,no […]