Why is it that ALL I feel is pain?
My days are always getting flooded full of rain.
I say this bathtub is blooded, watchin all this blood drip.
Just ONE more cut across maybe down both wrists.
My wish, is to be in my world.
This is the most I’ve ever bled, my brain is getting fed up with all this bull shit.
Maybe I should get a pistol and find that full clip.
Yeah!, I think that’ll work, but then again I want the pain to hurt. I like slow pain.
Just one more cut, I promise this is IT.
Where’s my pills […]

i’ve been thinking about this for a really long time..
and i think i’m finally gonna go through with it.

it’s about time, i’m ready.

No one can really figure out your issues for you. I hope you all understand that. We can all just guide you and be there with you along the way. Giving you support and caring for you every step of the way. You just have to learn that you’re valuable and you can be happy and realize life is more than what it seems right now. So don’t just quit on life now. Try. If you need someone to be there… you can always ask me for help, and I’m sure many others on this website will be there to help.

• I’ve had insomnia for about 7 years now. No pills taken. Sometimes 2 or 3 hours sleep at night (nightmares definitely)
• Mood swings
• Can’t stay in a relationship (one person around all the time makes me anxious and hysterically angry after a while, specially after having sex)
• Anger attacks since I was a teenager
• Used to smoke for about 5 years (I suddenly couldn’t stand its smell, so quit a year ago)
• Been suicidal for a year (no attempts yet but been studying and planning, considering my options) the thoughts become stronger when I’m happier and everything is in its place
• Used to have hallucinations […]

It has become so bad that I don’t think I will have to do myself in. My body will simply cease to function due to lack of will. Even the act of breathing seems too big of a chore anymore, and I pray with each breath that it will be the last. I only hope I suffer in the end. A quick demise would rob me of the only feeling I enjoy, pain. An excruciating death, the ultimate pain, please come for me quickly.

I just dont know what to do with myself. what the fuck am i still doing here?

well i found out my friend died… i don’t know if he remembered me becuz we haven’t talked in a while.. i hope he does  cuz i’ll always remember him and what he was like and how he helped me… why do ppl i care about always leave?

mt sister still beats me… tho its usually for “fun..”

my mom and dad think I’m getting better, tho I’m not… a few friends help me. tho some don’t… they say they care about me yet they treat me like shit… i wouldn’t mind if they were nice to me when I’m going threw this  or helped me….

i cry […]

Why Am I Tall? , Why Am I Sad? Daddy Why Are You Mad? Mom Will You Ever Undertsand? Why Cant I Fit A Size Two? Why Does It Look Like I Belong At The “Zoo” Why Am I Stupid? WHY AM I STILL LIVING ?????? Why Do I Search For Love? Kisses And Hugs? Why Am I Always Teased ? Why Am I Ugly Fat And Teased?? 🙁

I can’t stop thinking, my mind is going a million miles per hour.
I can’t help but thinking that my time on this planet is coming closer and closer to the end.
Who cares about the other people in your life who might be “hurt” if you just kill yourself. They don’t give a fuck about you or your feelings while you’re alive so why should it matter when you die?
Do they ever stop to think of the kind of emotionall distress they put on us? If they really loved us things would be different. Hopefully they can keep in mind that suicide is […]

the pain has become more then i can handle. i need it to stop! i need it to go away!!!1 please!

i want to kill myself  but i can’t do that to the ppl in my life…. i can’t. but i can’t keep going on like this. i haven’t cut in a while  tho i badly want to!  but i know cutting isn’t enough anymore.

almost every other 14 year old girl in the whorl don’t have to go through this, why do i?  want to die  i want the pain to go away, PLEASE make it stop, please?

-Morgan….RawrImaTurtle

congradulations dad. you fucked up again. getting married without asking me about it first… making us move into this bug infested disgusting thing you freaks call a house. the walls are rotted. there is no cell phone service. i have a tiny room compared to the one i had before. i have to leave my stuff shoved under my bed and crammed in the closet because there is nowhere to fit it all. your room is worse than mine. and you yell at me and ground me because my stuff “isnt where its supposed to be”. im sick of it. why do my thoughts suddenly […]

So today was a disaster.  And it’s only starting. I was supposed to see my doctor today.  And as much as I have been dreading it, today, when I didn’t have it, I realized just how much I had been relying on it.  Just trying to hold on until there was help.  But there isn’t any.  I cried and cried.  I missed the train.  I had cut myself in the train station bathroom.  Then while I was waiting for the train I felt the blood moving down my leg and realized I had to do something to stop it or else I was going to […]

I just took a dump and the empty feeling usually last for a solid 10 minutes, so ten minutes of bliss to get all of this out.

I decided yesterday to quit smoking and masturbating, to go back to who I was 3 years ago. I’ve an active imagination and I view my mind as a cockpit. There are voices about but for the most part, my pilot is in control. 3 years and I thought I was in control, but little did I know that my pilot was actually my lizard brain. 3 years spent on myself, finding pleasure, “finding myself”. All that happened though […]

LOVE, [SyKo].

“some gaddamn time…a man’s due t’ stop arguin’ with hisself. feelin’ he’s twice the gaddamn fool he knows he is….’cos he can’t be somethin’ he tries to be every gaddamn day without once gettin’ to dinner time and not fuckin’ it up….i don’t wanna fight it no more. understan’ me charlie? an’ i don’t want you pissin’ in my ear about it. can you let me go to hell the way i want to?”

—wild bill hickcock, deadwood.

that’s the second to last post on my facebook page.  only one person got what i was saying. but it was only after another conversation that it […]

Iknow that this might sound cheesy, but it can hurt more th an you think…teenage heartbreaK.
I know the topic is weird to think that somebody would attempt suicide over it, but it happens to me a lot.
The first time my heart broke was when I asked out a guy who me and my friend I guess really liked but yet she still encouraged me to ask him out. So after school I walked up to him and asked him out he said no. Now you’re probably thinking m well can’t you find somebody else the answer is no. I can’t just get over […]

Im literally on the edge right now. I feel..  i dont know..  more insane than usual? Im constantly nervous, and my stomache hurts like hell. Kind of like Im waiting for something to happen. But I dont know what that may be.

I guess yet another breakdown is coming.

I have grown so weary of the tired old statement that those who commit suicide are selfish  for not thinking about the effect on their families. I always get a small laugh of disdain when I hear this idiocy. When in truth nine times out of ten the Family itself is usually at the very root of the persons suicide. The Family are in My opinion the selfish ones. They demand so much from you,lord over and dominate your life. They make you trade away the things you love for what THEY approve of. They only think of themselves and how you can best serve […]

Sleep…I remember those days when i was able to fall asleep..listening to his breathing. Those days when Skye would lay next to me and her body would keep me warm. Those same days when i had no choice but to drift into a deep sleep because hanging out with my friends…and him…would tire me out. Sleep…sly sleep..escapes me now. Leave me with nightmares still…fully awake. I see their faces. I hear their voices…i smell them..just like in the dreams that once brought me joy. Without sleep…without them…those memories become nightmares..and daymares..and thoughts of suicide..but it isnt suicide..its eternal sleep. As I type she lies beside me…but i […]